Mental Health

For years I worked through both Masonry and the Shrine giving to improve our collective world freely, from my heart. My challenges are all born from out of that particular perspective.

I always took myself for granted, I never wrote myself in, why you ask? Love is the simple answer. Love of myself as well as others.

Can you imagine a world where everyone worked for each other without strings of ownership? Without reward or expectations? Just to do so out of love and caring? I have lived this life's path and let me tell you some of my pain is born from out of this system of self governance.

I have always looked upon the big picture. To my own reward as well as detriment combined. For without writing yourself into the equation, you suffer from a lack of associations. Sure a person can make a great difference (truth is I have) but the cost of isolation and exclusion along with a general lack of the multitudes not knowing your personal sacrifices upon societies behalf over time this contributes towards augmenting your mental health issues. Cash for Clunkers didn't come out of thin air, someone gifted the concept.

Now I was working for an event production company called Xentel under then CEO, Michael Platz a gem of a man. I rose up in the ranks of that company to the position of General Manager for events. However, there were a number of issues at play during my time employed. But to understand my point of view, I will go back to the beginning.

It was 1988, I was working for the Winnipeg office of then Great West Entertainment under the direction of my sister Helena who was the fundraising manager. Skip to 1994, the computer was changing the way we were conducting business to such an extent that over 75% of the management was being eliminated. I earned an opportunity to go work in the Toronto office as Operations Manager for events, the circus was the first one that I was assigned. It was being conducted for the Optimist Foundation of Winnipeg and the Shriner's everywhere else in Eastern Canada. I was thankful, I had a job. It started out that I was in the office for a few months then on the road with the circus production for sixteen weeks every summer traveling from one location (city, town) to the next bringing joy to the people through entertainment or live theatre. Now this continued for me until November 3rd, 2010 when I had to retire due to my health issues mainly but the root cause of my issues were many. I will simply call it road fatigue. Stress is another word for it. However, my last year on the job I had some important things contribute to my departure. My roommate of many years died unexpectantly, my personal finances were such that I was going bankrupt, I couldn't retain my condo I was renting due to a general lack of funds, I was still responsible for the events under my care and the client wrote a formal complaint against my performance in order to get a greater piece of the pie by driving my salary down further. This lead to depression not to mention I was again homeless for the fourth time in my life at that point (for over 7 months). Never did I allow for the productions under my care to fall apart, I still performed my job to the letter, to perfection for the money raised for the charities in question was needed, I could not fail. One hundred million dollar banked budgets are what I was truly responsible for in many way. Business licenses, permits, insurance, sales (telesales as well as box office), operations such as waste containers you name it. I was doing all the work for years but never was I to receive full credit for that which I was providing, my efforts aside, it was my good name. If anything happened on the road with the circus, I was the person who would suffer for it. My wages were cut yearly, they never could pay my real worth.

Now, there were other issues of a personal nature that I will not go into detail about but I will sum it up by saying I left with my honor intact, I never breached my contractual obligations. I left Toronto and moved back home to Winnipeg, Manitoba.

The other side of it was my health, it was declining and I knew not what was wrong at the time. I eventually landed in the local hospital system (twice) to figure out my health issue(s) but not before I caused great damage to myself for I was a stubborn man, I would not seek help from a professional. Rather, I tried to gain ahold of my issues myself. This led me to a great loss of memory. Mobile crisis was called in I was found wandering the streets in the rain without knowledge of whom I was, no keys, identification.

Gone are my childhood memories for the most part. Gone are my memories of playing cello, memories of family, friends only what I call snap shots remain (fragmented memories).

So I am sharing this of myself not only to heal, but to express the seriousness of mental health, to draw more awareness of the ramifications of not recognizing the symptoms and associated triggers.

I took approximately eight years off working to heal and recover my health. Then COVID struck which is yet another story and a collective challenge.