Psyche logo

Mental Health is Real

My Struggles with Mental Health

By LaToya JonesPublished 2 years ago 3 min read

I wake with the best intentions to have a great day. After blinking my eyes a few times to the bright morning light I realize that today will be just like yesterday. Just like all the other days. Same ol'.

I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. Appropriate, because I am anxious and depressed almost constantly. The only bright spot in this diagnosis is that I feel exactly like the effects lists say I should. So I believe the diagnosis is correct.

I feel sad, numb, and empty. It is the worst feeling in the world and so hard to put into words. I want to be happy. At least, I want to want to be happy. There is a difference. It feels like my world is upside down. I cannot shake the dull ache in the pit of my stomach, or constant nausea. Diarrhea seems to be a constant as well. And I feel so tired. Drained to be more exact. It’s an exhaustion that is very hard to explain. I want to live as numb as I feel inside. I don’t want to do anything anymore.

Work is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of things that I do not want to do. I must act professionally. I work with other people and I work for other people. I would get fired if I worked without a fake smile plastered across my face. Work always goes exactly as imagined for me; it’s pretty boring. But not wanting to go with everything in me makes me have the most anxiety about going. I have to peel myself off of my bed every morning to make myself go.

My family relationships are what is suffering from my mental health struggles. I am incapable of answering phone calls and texts, leaving my family feeling alienated. I know this to be true because they tell me all the time. I feel that I cannot be fake with them like I can with people at work because they know me too well. So I avoid them altogether. I miss my family. It’s so weird to know they are there yet I feel like I’m so far away from them. I wish I were “normal” like they were, and that I could find joy in everything. My joy is gone.

My relationships with my friends are non-existent at this point. I don’t have the strength to put forth the effort it takes to sustain a familial relationship, much less a friendship. I have really good friends too. They are so understanding of what I’m going through. As much as I hate to admit it, I appreciate their “well check” texts. They let me know they’re thinking of me and praying for me during my struggles. Even though I feel alone, I know that I am not.

Will I ever have peace? I can’t help but wonder? I am the queen of pessimistic thoughts these days. I miss the feeling of peace in my soul. I miss appreciating the simple things, like the blue tone of the sky and enjoying the smell of freshly cut grass. I miss laughing while watching children play. I miss the things I used to love to do. I no longer find pleasure in reading, shopping, or writing. I feel like my existence is just a big waste of space.

Having dealt with depression since I was a teenager, I know what does help bring me out of the slumps. The sun and its light help. I like to sit outside in the sunlight as its rays wash over me, as I pretend I’m being washed in its light. I wouldn’t make it without my medicine. Medication can be controversial but I don’t care. It helps me. I know that I wouldn’t have the focus to try the things that help me feel better without medication. My faith is everything to me. If I weren’t a Christian, I wouldn’t still be here on this earth. That’s a fact. Exercise does help me feel better, as recommended by my therapist. The endorphins it produces help tremendously. Therapy helps me as well so I keep my therapist and psychiatrist on speed dial. Knowing that they are just a call away does put me at ease. Music helps take my mind off my sadness and inability to truly live. It provides a type of white noise for me. I can enjoy it without thinking or effort.

My life is hard. Mental health is real.


About the Creator

LaToya Jones

*Mom x1, Aunt x2, Dogmom x2

*Writing to inspire

*Committed to refining my craft

*Follow my blog "Dare to Dream" at

*Follow my IG @authoresslatoyanicole

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2023 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.