Master your own value and power

In her TED talk, Chiani Shao, the first South Asian woman to run for Congress, spoke of a "courage deficit" -- a lack of courage.

She said that before the age of 33, like most women, she was cautious and serious in doing things. She would be afraid to take actions for fear of failure or unknown and bad influences. She would avoid those high-risk challenges and always expect to do things perfectly and achieve full marks.

But most of the men around them have no such qualms. They have been raised to be "brave" and can swing higher.

"We raise girls to be perfect, but boys to be fearless," she said.

Do you have a girl like that?

They get good grades, work hard and are financially independent, but they live too carefully to offend authority or reject it outright.

Most of the time, we clearly have the conditions for courage, but only the lack of courage.

Eleanor Roosevelt was the wife of Franklin Roosevelt, the longest-serving president in U.S. history, and the woman who changed the role of first lady.

Before her, the main job of the "first lady" of the United States was to take care of the president and host social events. However, after Eleanor became the "first lady", she was not a vassal of the president, but an independent politician, constantly fighting for the rights of the poor and vulnerable groups, and was nominated for the "Nobel Peace Prize".

Eleanor was not born excellent. As a child, she was disliked by her mother and was shy and afraid of being abandoned.

"You are not pretty. What will you do?"

My mother used to sigh like this, which made her very unsure of herself as a child.

From the ugly duckling who was neglected in the family to the high-profile "first lady", Eleanor overcame inferiority, timidity and shyness and grew into a powerful woman who dared to speak for the minority and was faithful to her own position.

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark, afraid of loneliness, afraid of not being liked, and when I grew up, I was afraid of social life, afraid of marriage, afraid of birth...

"Fear is one of the biggest stumbling blocks everyone has to face," Eleanor said. "It's a huge obstacle.

Overcoming fear is one of the most difficult and rewarding things a person can learn in his life."

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At the age of nine, Eleanor was sent to boarding school in England. At school, she met a headmaster.

She asked the headmaster, "What is the most important thing about a woman? Handsome or well-spoken?"

"You are honest, sincere and eager to help others. That is the most important thing," said the headmaster.

This became a very important motto for Eleanor throughout her life. She wrote in her diary: "For the first time in my life, I feel that I am no longer afraid of my life. I used to think that I could only follow the rules, but now I am not; I think if I'm honest enough, if I love people enough, I don't have to be afraid."

When Eleanor was 18, she met a distant relative, Franklin Roosevelt, who was two years older than her, on a train.

Roosevelt, a handsome Harvard student with a bright future, was so attracted by Eleanor's conversation and intelligence that he defied family pressure to marry her.

During World War II, the United States officially entered the war with the attack on Pearl Harbor.

Not only did Eleanor give many public lectures, but she also gave blood transfusions, raised money for the Red Cross, knitted sweaters and socks... All four sons joined the army and led by example.

In Europe and the Pacific, she would walk down to shake hands with soldiers after giving speeches.

Sometimes she would write down their parents' names and addresses and write to them when she came back, telling them, your child asked me to write to tell them that he was safe.

Later, she was emotionally betrayed by her husband, but she remained Roosevelt's best business partner.

Throughout her life, Eleanor fought for the rights of the poor, minorities, people of color, and women. In 1945, after Roosevelt's death, she was the only woman to serve as the U.S. representative to the United Nations, chairing and drafting the Universal Declaration of Human Rights issued by the United Nations.

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As a child, she was afraid of the dark and didn't dare go out of her house alone at night.

One night my aunt was ill and asked her to bring her some ice from the ice box in the backyard.

Eleanor is afraid, but she knows that if she doesn't go, her aunt will hate her even more and won't ask her for help in the future.

She had to go down three flights of stairs in the dark, through the big house where all the bad things seemed to be hidden, and she had to shut up the man in the basement, and stand alone in the darkness of the back yard.

Though it was hard, she knew she had the ability to face the darkness and tell herself: if I can do it this time, I can do it next time.

With low self-esteem, Eleanor was constantly afraid of doing something wrong and not being liked.

One day after they were married, her husband showed her a manuscript he had written for her, and Eleanor tore out a page.

She held the page, shuddering with fear, and cautiously confessed to her husband.

Hearing her out, Roosevelt said breezily, "Even if you don't tear it, I may tear it someday. Books are for reading, not for displaying."

This was a great relief to Eleanor, and she began to overcome her fear of being unpleasant and express herself more bravely.

In the process of dealing with all kinds of people, Eleanor has found a way to let go of her ego.

"If you can let go of your ego, stop thinking about impressing others, stop thinking about what people think of you, and start thinking about others, you will stop feeling intimidated," she says.

Do what you are interested in wholeheartedly, regardless of whether others are watching you or criticizing you. Chances are they're not paying attention to you at all, and you're just being paranoid.

Forget yourself as much as you can, and if you can't do it once, try again."

Eleanor believed that a man who had survived this test once could survive anything. Each successful deal with a problem, will make the next time less anxious, more strong.

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In her later years, Eleanor noticed that more and more people were afraid not of specific problems, but of the future.

They are always wondering whether to start a job or start a family. "We don't feel safe, we don't know what to plan."

Eleanor's advice was simple. She said: "If you think about it, how safe did the first European settlers feel when they set foot on the Mayflower? All they have is their own courage, their own actions, their own confidence that they are capable of dealing with whatever is unknown and dangerous, and that is the only way any one of us can deal with life."

All fear comes from the unknown.

At the age of 76, Eleanor was diagnosed with hemolysis, a condition in which the immune system constantly attacks the bone marrow, causing problems with blood production. Although it can be controlled with steroids, it can shorten life span.

Disease brings an unknown tomorrow.

Throughout her life, however, Eleanor has learned to embrace the fear of death.

She continued to speak, write books, and also write her will, sending her fortune ahead of time to the people she wanted to help.

She knew she would be exhausted by tests and injections in the hospital, so she went home and quietly waited to die.

"Having courage is not about becoming a hero overnight," Eleanor said. "It's about being a little bit better each time. It's about tackling each problem head on, not being intimidated by the surface difficulties, and finding the inner strength to overcome them."