Many people who suffer from depression have a common trait, that is, they have not learned to "become bad."

Do you frequently jump into the trap of "good guys"?

　　 "You are so good, you will definitely not refuse to help me." In work and life, once some people label you as a good person, they may intend to take advantage of you in the next step.

Many people who suffer from depression have a common trait, that is, they have not learned to "become bad."

　　 In the workplace, all the trash cans in the work unit are waiting for you to pour out, lend the umbrella to a colleague, and wait for the rain to lighten before going back.

　　 You should pay for a gathering of friends.

　　 Other people's speech hurts you intentionally or unintentionally, and you don't care.

　　 Even if you have a mortgage or car loan, you will not hesitate to borrow money from relatives.

　　 In the middle of the night, on the phone, my girlfriend kept spitting out bitterness with you, but you wanted to hang up but didn't dare.

　　 The above are all other people's own business, but because of your good person's personality, they have all been transferred to you. On the contrary, those who are covered with thorns and explode as soon as they are provoked, have been treated kindly. Who makes you a good person?

01

Everyone is equal, why do people always dare to oppress you?

　　 For example, you and your husband were originally equal in family status. Why do you become inferior uncontrollably as the days go by? The root cause is actually oneself, manifested in two points:

　　First, he dared to despise you and bully you because you didn’t set a bottom line for being a human being;

　　 Second, even if you set the bottom line, you don’t have the courage or strength to guard your principles.

　　 is the "framework problem" we often talk about.

　　 A person dares to do whatever he wants in front of your eyes, because he has weighed you thoroughly. He thinks you are a counselor and unprincipled, so he is sure that you will not dare to resist.

Many people who suffer from depression have a common trait, that is, they have not learned to "become bad."

　　 We often say who is given a "good person card", usually that he was rejected or broken up, such as "you are a good person, you deserve better."

　　 "Good men" often lead a closed, programmed life, don't like caring for others, and don't want to be cared for.

　　 "Good women" give a lot of sacrifice and self-sacrifice, but seldom reap the benefits and care, and have too many resentments in their hearts.

　　 It is only when people interact with each other through energy exchanges that happiness is felt, so it is normal for good people without energy flow to be abandoned.

02

　Good people are more likely to suffer from depression

　　 There is a popular saying in psychology recently: "Good people are more likely to suffer from depression."

　　 In life, when we learn that a friend has depression, we will be shocked. How can a good person who laughs at life suffer from depression? The reason is that they behave very friendly in life. Sometimes when you say something wrong or do something wrong, they will respond with a smile in return. In short, they are easily associated with good people. They do not have the energy to communicate with others, dare not express their needs and suggestions, and can only accept the opinions and accusations of others in their entirety. The specific manifestations are in two aspects.

Many people suffering from depression have a common trait, that is, they have not learned to "go bad"

　　①Depressed patients dare not vent their emotions, let alone fight back

　　 In fact, they actually don’t know how to manage their negative emotions in their lives, and they are used to suppressing themselves. In their eyes, making others unhappy is more serious than their own unhappiness. Therefore, when there are conflicts in interpersonal relationships, they often like to apologize first, and the word "sorry" has become their mantra for dealing with interpersonal relationships.

　　The classic psychoanalytic theory points out that aggression is actually an innate instinct of human beings, and it is also one of the driving forces of our struggle. It is difficult to eliminate. Analyzing from the individual psychological level, if you suppress your aggressiveness (counterattack) for a long time, you are very prone to mental illness. Some people are already in pain, but they still put a smile on their faces and suffer from depression in the long run.

　　②Excessive moral responsibility, perfectionism

　　 Another reason for patients with depression is to over-obey the rules. When morality is opposed to their own desires, they decisively choose to abide by "morality" and be a good person. In folk terms, they can help others if they can’t eat enough.

　　 They are also perfectionists, hoping that they are perfect in the eyes of others, and can't tolerate a slight flaw in themselves. Once you make a mistake, you will scold yourself in your heart.

Many people who suffer from depression have a common trait, that is, they have not learned to "become bad."

　　 They usually suppress their desires and happiness, but in fact, we are human beings, not gods, whoever suppresses their desires too much will eventually cause trouble, and depression is the final bitter fruit.

03

　　You are not necessarily a good person, but there is no chance of becoming bad

　　 Most of the time, we should ask ourselves:

　　 Why do I have to let myself be wronged?

　　 What will happen if you don’t be a good person?

　　 You can try to say no, tear off the label of a good person. An experiment has shown that in certain circumstances, the label of a good person will be automatically torn off.

　　 Stanford Prison Experiment:

　　 In 1971, the American social psychologist Philip Zimbardo presided over the "Stanford Prison Experiment", which allowed the global psychology community to revisit the naive views of human nature in the past.

In the 　　 experiment, recruited subjects, namely, physically and mentally healthy and emotionally stable college students, were selected with the help of a special test. These people were randomly divided into two groups of jailers and prisoners, and then kept in a simulated prison environment.

　　As soon as the experiment started, the subjects felt the influence of role norms and tried hard to play the roles they had set.

On the sixth day, the situation was almost restored to reality. The originally kind college students had turned into violent jailers and prisoners whose hearts were broken. A simple set of uniforms and an identity quickly changed a person’s temperament. The original two-week experiment was one week. It's done within.

Many people who suffer from depression have a common trait, that is, they have not learned to "become bad."

　　 Among the participants in this experiment, all of them fell deeply into their own personal settings, helpless, unable to extricate themselves, even Zimbardo, the designer of the game, could not escape.

　　 In this experiment, in a very short period of time, students who are innocent and kind-hearted have undergone dramatic changes in their personality. The specific environment and identity settings of the prison have activated the dark and ugly side of human nature, making them lose their ability to make independent judgments.

　　 Good people can become bad people overnight.

04

When appropriate, we need to be "bad"

　　 There is a Western proverb: Half of human beings are angels and half are demons.

　　In life, do we often do things that make ourselves dumbfounded and think that we are "bad guys":

　　 furious, "spitting out fragrant mouth", behaving abnormally...

　　 Don't ignore this kind of out-of-control experience, try to understand your own "bad guy" and "dark side". It is our friend who can release our potential and let us further explore our own essence.

　　 Between people, it’s not that you treat them nicely. You just tolerate and give in, you can have a place in his heart. A long and healthy relationship will not be perfect because of your surrender.

Many people who suffer from depression have a common trait, that is, they have not learned to "become bad."

　　 Psychological games are everywhere. There are games everywhere in our environment and relationships. Wherever there are people, there are confrontations and contests. If you can only be a docile and obedient lamb, it will definitely become a delicious meal in the mouth of the wolves.

　　 We must learn to play psychological games. We are weak when we surrender, and we are tough when we should fight for reasons.

　　 I support you to be a good person. I hope you don’t use good people to kidnap yourself. I encourage you to be a good person who is "not easy to mess with" or "not afraid of things". You must fight for the rights and interests you should have. In this unfeeling world, your kindness must be sharp and learn to live unfeelingly.