Living with mental health

I have always wanted to share my story with people, as I think I could bring on some wisdom, advice, and comfort to others. This is just one part of my huge story, just a day in my life with mental illness.

I like to say I am recovered. But I really don’t think that recovered means “it ALL went away and now I’m fine”. To me recovered means I don’t self harm anymore, but the thoughts and urges are still there. I don’t starve myself but I still have tendency to count everything I eat. I don’t purposely put myself in bad situations as a punishment anymore but I do find myself straying into this habit. Recovers really means you just get better at dealing with it all. I see people all the time striving for recovery that is 100% and they are often dissatisfied with themselves and more self hate occurs. Thinking of themselves as a failure.

Every single day I have to wake up and remind myself that I can do it. That I can live today with a smile and purpose. Even when I feel my worst I still have to say things like this to myself, it’s a lie that becomes a truth the more and more you do it. I have to make sure I pack a lunch for work or else I will “forget” to eat. I tell myself if I don’t eat I will pass out. That motivation works for me. Basically my whole day is just telling myself to do “normal” daily functions, normally. This goes along with the whole 100% recoverd idea. The thoughts and habits are hard to overcome and may never fully go away.

School is a struggle for me, and most others I have meet dealing with a mental illnes. I’m in collage now and like to think I am smart. for me it’s all in lack of motivation. It’s easy to stay in bed all day and forget the world, but it’s worth the effort to do 2 hours of homework to get the good grade. This really is getting me down lately, I keep calling myself stupid and a failure, when In reality I’m just doing my best. I have to say I went to lecture today, that was a step, I submitted that assignment on time and that is amazing. It’s all in the little things, that many people over look simple tasks are daunting for people with mental illness. So give yourself some credit. If all you did was take a shower today than that is amazing! It may seem dumb but doing that every day is what keeps me going.

I have yet to find out how to get myself motivated. It’s as if I have tried every thing I could find online and nothing seems to work for me. I’ve tried the better diet and sunshine thing. Nope. The proper sleep schedule. Nope. Writing affirmations. Nope. I just can’t find it. It’s extremely frustrating but I can’t let the fustratoin get the better of me. We all have to keep trying until something someday works. This process is what I went through with all my barriers in life, taking time to get to know yourself and figure out what works. Some tasks are easier and some may take years to understand. It’s all in the effort that you did not stop trying.

This is my first post ever and I hope to make this blog about the unseen struggles with mental health and just life in general. If you want to be part of this journey then please follow my Instagram @stories_ofthe_damned DM me with stories and ideas you want to share. I want to create a community of inspiration and struggles. I hope that my words will reach the hearts of some readers and maybe help a few.

~Ariana