Living With Depression

Everyone knows that depression is a lifelong "disease". Everyone also knows that there's a stigma behind depression as well. I'm essentially here to tell you how I've been dealing with it and how I'm able to still maintain a normal lifestyle. Growing up I was always very shy and introverted. I had a small group of friends and we were all the same: quiet, shy and smart. However, I was the only one who was bullied relentlessly in school. For one reason only: BECAUSE OF THE WAY I LOOKED. Of course when you're a child you don't see anything wrong with the way you look until others point it out. from literally first grade up until high school I was bullied simply because of the way that I looked. I was a little short and pretty thin. Also I wore glasses and needed braces. My family couldn't afford to pu for braces so I was essentially the short, skinny girl with glasses, who had crooked teeth. For years I was bullied verbally and physically by a group of girls. Constantly hearing all the negative things about the way that I looked lowered my self-esteem until I had no self-esteem at all. Which in turn, made me isolate myself from the world. I wouldn't hang out with family or friends and stayed in my room. I was pretty moody. (Still kinda moody too lol). It got to a point when I was in high school that I started self harming and contemplating suicide. I genuinely felt like my family would be better off not having to worry about me anymore if I was no longer here and I could finally be at peace. However, when my family found out about these things I was put into a mental institution twice for teenagers who dealt with things like anxiety and depression. The first time I was at the institution I didn't really want to learn or better myself so it was pointless. But the second time I actually put forth an effort to better myself and stay on my medication and talk about my problems and channel all my negative energy into doing what I love which is reading, writing, and singing. Fast forward to now at 26 years old. Yes I still deal with depression. Yes I still have moments when I don't have energy to do the things that I love. But I don't let it define me. I found a few ways to help me build up my self-esteem and just make myself feel good even if it's just for the day. For example, listening to K-pop music makes me happy so when I'm feeling down I just listen to music and sing along. Also, even if I don't have any plans for the day I still fix my hair and dress nicely just so that when I walk past a mirror in my home I can look at myself and tell myself that I am beautiful. I've also started working out this year and that takes my mind off of a lot of the depression that I'm sometimes feeling. Sometimes I'll just cook a nice meal for dinner even though I live alone and I sit in front of the TV and watch a good movie and that helps me as well. It's the little things that can change your day. Whether you like to write, sing, draw or cook. Taking time out of your day to do something that you like to do even when you don't have the energy definitely helps. Even if you aren't an avid writer, writing down how you're feeling when you're feeling both bad and good helps because you can express how you feel and then close your journal and essentially close the door on those emotions and go do something positive. It's not going to be easy and it is something you'll have to deal with for your entire life. Depression doesn't just go away with medication but it does help you IF that's the route you choose to go down. I'm not exactly sure how to end this so I will just say this one last thing: you are not alone. There are people who are willing to listen to your problems and give advice if you want it or just be there so you can vent to them. You don't have to deal with all your problems by yourself. You are NOT a burden even if it sometimes feel that way. Even if you don't want to immediately seek help from a professional and be put on medication and have the stigma surrounding you. You can always just start by trying to do little things here and there every day to make yourself happier and should be at peace. I'm still dealing with depression and I follow the advice that I give. I'm living proof that it works. Things will get better.