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Living with Borderline Personality Disorder – Rx Me Good, Part 2

Part 2 of LWBPD Rx Me Good. When the doctor gets it right, it is soo right. But, when they get it wrong...

By Jess DidwayPublished 6 years ago 8 min read
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Happy New Year to me.

My plate was full.

In fact, it was MORE than full—it was overflowing. With my son in kindergarten, me working 6.5 hours a day while being in online college courses, trying to balance my fitness goals as well as keeping my home life/personal relationships stable—the universe was weighing on my shoulders. Normally, this pressure would have been MORE than enough to break me down, but in a relieving turn of events, the medicine my psychiatrist prescribed to me was WORKING. No longer was I waking up in the dead of night in a panic. I could answer the phone without my heart racing and my fear rising into my throat. No longer were my actions and emotions unpredictable; my mind was clear and suddenly I was able to experience life in a way that I had always dreamed of—without dread, without hopelessness, without fear.

Almost two weeks had gone by since I started my new psychiatric medication. I felt like I could accomplish anything; I was living up to the potential I always knew I had within me that had been hindered by my brain’s chemical imbalances. It was amazing to see the changes such small pills could make in my life. I felt as if I was finally back on track, ready to conquer anything that was put in my way.

Until…

I was finishing up a shower one morning, a part of my normal routine. I had cancelled a follow-up appointment with my psychiatrist for the morning in hopes that I wouldn’t be late for work AGAIN (I had already missed several hours accumulated due to my appointments), figuring everything would be fine and I could always reschedule. I rinsed the last of the soap from my body and turned around to turn the water off. I bent at the waist to twist the shower knobs and felt, HEARD a pop in my lower back. At that instant, I knew something had gone terribly wrong within my body. I tried to straighten my back, only to feel everything shift and settle in all the wrong places. I called for my partner, knowing I was no longer able to walk on my own. She rushed in and helped me out of the shower and into our bedroom.

Thirty minutes later, after a call-in to work and an emergency call to my physician, my partner and I were on our way to our local doctor’s office. My physician was deeply concerned with the symptoms I was experiencing—lack of sensation in my right leg down to my toes, unable to bear weight on my right leg, excruciating pain, and lack of motion in my leg. I was taken to have X-rays done, and a request for an MRI was submitted. My physician was sure I had a slipped disk in my back and prescribed my muscle relaxers to be taken daily with Ibuprofen. I felt a little run-down but was sure I could manage anything life would throw at me with the help of medication.

And then the rash crept upon me, so slowly I was unaware at first. It started with the flare of psoriasis in my right elbow, which I assumed was completely normal. What I wasn’t noticing were the small, light red dots that were slowly spreading across my chest, down my arms, all over my stomach. After taking a day to rest my injured back, I chose to return to work. As I was getting dressed, my partner pointed out that I had patches of red bumps along my neck and chest. I shrugged it off, not even thinking that it might be the precarious rash my psychiatrist had warned me about that was related to the Lamictal I had been prescribed. I took my handful of medication before I left work and had my partner drop me off (since I was taking muscle relaxers, I chose not to drive).

By lunch, I could tell something was off with my body. I was experiencing some hot flashes, muscle stiffness, and blurry vision. I noticed some red splotches running up and down my arms, then became uneasy to discover my entire chest was covered in bright red hives. I hobbled to the bathroom to further examine my body in private to find my stomach, shoulders, and legs COVERED. I excused myself from the office to make a phone call to my psychiatrist’s office. I was quickly transferred to his top nurse. I explained to her what was happening to my body.

“I believe you are having a reaction to your Lamictal—you’re going to want to head to the emergency room, as soon as possible,” she said, and I could feel the familiar tendrils of despair creeping upon me. Of course, this would happen to me, I thought. Of course. I called my partner and told her what was happening; she quickly got in the car and headed my way. Thankfully, we live only five minutes away from my work. I went back inside and informed my coworker that I was having a severe medical reaction and needed to leave. I was starting to feel lightheaded, frustrated, disappointed. I was so content with my cocktail of prescriptions that I was unwilling to face that I had to let one of them go.

The emergency room was swift in responding to my situation; after explaining I was sent to the ER by my psychiatric office, I was rushed through triage and taken back to a room faster than I had ever experienced in our hospital. I was relieved when a nurse practitioner came in to address my issues. I explained once again that I was having a reaction to my Lamictal prescribed by my psychiatrist, who had sent me to the hospital for treatment. She stared at me blankly and asked what other medications I was taking. I further explained my current back issues and listed my medications for her. When I mentioned my muscle relaxer, she immediately cut me off.

“That medication usually reacts to all of your mental health medication. That’s why you’re experiencing this issue,” she said. I began to become frustrated.

“No, I was sent here because of the life-threatening rash I got from my Lamictal. I was warned point-blank about this issue upon being diagnosed. It’s been two weeks since I was given this medication and I have gotten a rash in that time. This is not because of my muscle relaxer.”

She stood stubbornly before me, looking down at me in the hospital bed.

“I recommend that you stop taking the muscle relaxer and continue taking your Lamictal-” I cut her off, furious.

“I was sent here by my psychiatrist. He prescribed me these pills, told me to discontinue immediately upon signs of a rash, and to go to the ER. Here I am, and you aren’t listening to me. What can you do to help me?” I demanded.

“I- well, it’s a medication reaction, there’s nothing I can do except wait for it to resolve itself,” she stuttered. I snapped. I lost my cool. I shook in my bed and threw the blankets off me. My partner quickly fell into step with me, gathering our things without question.

“Since there’s nothing you can do, and you are refusing to listen to me, I am leaving. I refuse to be treated by someone who won’t even listen to what I have to say. Get me whoever is above you, because I am through with you.” She rolled her eyes at me, mumbling, exiting the room. I couldn’t believe that with all the proof before her eyes, this "practitioner" was refusing to do her own research to help me with my issue. I reported her to the Patient Advocate division and checked myself out of the hospital. My psychiatrist’s office was just down the road—that’s where we headed after we left the hospital. My psychiatrist’s nurse rushed to see me, and quickly confirmed that my symptoms were 100% reaction from Lamictal. She told me to drink plenty of fluids, stop taking my Lamictal, and keep a close eye on the rash—if it worsened, I would have to return to the ER.

It was evening by the time we had gotten home. One side of me wanted to be petty and hoped to take the Lamictal again just to spite the nurse at the hospital. My more logical side convinced me not to. The rash lasted almost two weeks more (slowly but surely disappearing altogether), through the new year; I was broken, splotchy red, and exhausted ringing in 2018.

Facing any diagnosis can be stressful, frustrating, and overwhelming. Taking any new medications (whether it’s your first time or your fourth rodeo) brings about apprehension and skepticism. When these diagnoses bring upon new medications that can cause serious side effects that may be life-threatening, we deserve to be given all-encompassing care. We deserve to be seen by someone who is willing to listen to you, willing to broaden their knowledge to treat you. No one should be faced with being turned away or having to leave a place of care due to uneducated and unprofessional individuals.

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PSA: “Lamotrigine (Lamictal) may cause severe or life-threatening skin rash, especially in children and in people who take too high of a dose at the start of treatment with lamotrigine. Serious skin rash may also be more likely to occur if you are taking lamotrigine together with valproic acid (Depakene) or divalproex (Depakote). Seek emergency medical attention if you have a fever, sore throat, swelling in your face or tongue, burning in your eyes, skin pain, followed by a red or purple skin rash that spreads (especially in the face or upper body) and causes blistering and peeling.” (John P. Cunha, 2017)

Reference(s)

John P. Cunha, D. F. (2017, March 14). Lamictal. Retrieved from RxList : https://www.rxlist.com/lamictal-side-effects-drug-center.htm#consumer

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About the Creator

Jess Didway

Mother, activist, athlete, creator in the PNW.

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