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Living With a Mental Disorder

The Side of You You Can't Control

By Ashlyn MariePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Living with a mental disorder can hold you back from so much. I was standing in line at the dollar store. It was around 10 PM, so I was literally the only person in the store. I was already having a pretty rough day with my anxiety. Well, I got to the check out. The cashier asked me how I was doing. Out of nowhere, my anxiety just choked me completely and I couldn't even speak. My total came out to around $7 and I needed a few ones. I was so terrified to ask the cashier if I could have five ones and a five dollar bill instead of a ten dollar bill. I made a weird noise and practically ended up running out the store.

Living with a mental disorder is like playing a guessing game. You never know when your disorder is going to hit you and then you don't even know what triggered you. You can be having the best day of your life, and the next thing you know, you're crying or feeling anxious, or even numb.

Anxiety makes you feel trapped inside your mind. Anxiety makes you too anxious to leave your house. Your mind will race like crazy. You will just upset yourself so much that you start crying and hating yourself because the way you are. You can leave your house feeling incredibly sexy in your favorite outfit with a ton of plans with your friends, but anxiety will make you feel like you look horrible in your outfit and that all your friends hate you and are talking about you. Anxiety will make you go back to your house and change and cancel all your plans.

Depression makes you feel so weak and numb. With depression, you're just too tired to do anything. Getting out of bed will be the biggest struggle, so you don't get out of bed. You just lay there. Your selfcare goes to complete shit. You won't have the energy to shower, brush your teeth, or even change clothes. Depression makes you sleep all day or doesn't allow you to sleep at all. Eating won't be on your mind all day. You don't even communicate with anyone.

Living with a mental disorder is terrifying and hard. Having a mental disorder is hard to cope with. Most people with a mental disorder are embarrassed to talk about it, so they trap all their feelings inside them. It's difficult to talk to someone without feeling judged or crazy. Living with a mental disorder changes your routine.

Trying to explain it to someone is even worse. How can you explain to someone that you constantly have mood swings? There is, of course, the fear that the person will not understand you or understand what you deal with on a daily basis. Then, you get the judgmental looks and all the pity, or the person thinks you are just straight up crazy.

Dating seems almost impossible. You are extremely needy and clingy. You always feel like your partner wishes they never started dating you. You create fights and cause problems. You distant yourself and push them away. You expect them to understand all your actions and what you mean by your actions, but deep down you know your partner is just confused.

Living with a mental disorder feels like you have to hide who you are. It's like you can't let people find out. It feels like you aren't "normal." Mental disorders can cause so many hindrances in relationships, daily routines, and just life in general.

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About the Creator

Ashlyn Marie

Hi. I’m just a fifteen year old that wants to express herself. I have a huge passion for writing, sharing my opinions, and my views of the world. Enjoy. (:

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