Everything happens for a reason, it’s supposed to either be a lesson, memory or moment, however
have you ever just wanted to shut everything down, put life on hold or even just give up all in all. We
always try and look for the easy way, we always think no matter what we do what path we is the right
one without flinching without considering every action has a reaction there are always consequences to
what we do.
My life is a untold unmade movie. Growing up I had such an amazing childhood. I was spoiled, happy , carefree always smiling, but that smile soon turned into a mask. My life turned into a horrible nightmare eventually. I made bad decisions I made the worst choices and I did everything without regarding the severe consequences . It was like I didn’t want to think what was right or wrong I only knew whatever I did had to make others happy, I wanted to be the “ it girl “ , the person whom everyone called upon little did I know that this would bring me to the lowest point eventually.
Drugs, sex, money , scandals, doing things normal people would never consider, involving myself in a life of crime. I had a addictive personality I would always think that the 1st man to give me a little attention would be the one to love me forever would always stand by me and take care of me, but they were men who were womanizer men who had no regard for me because at the end of the day I was a stupid, no brain girl who would do anything without considering the possible outcome all I knew was I need someone .
I lost all my self respect, self confidence, self esteem and most of all I lost my soul everything at the end was dark and numb. My life was a life that changed from me being happy with no issues or problems to to a life of depression, borderline schizophrenia , poly substance abuse and severe anxiety. Every single person I met or was involved with used and abused me and tossed me away like garbage. I spent moments on the street because I chose to leave my home not sleeping on the streets but just wandering around with no destination is site.
The moment the time the thing that led me to beyond rock bottom was when I decided to let a man control my life. He fueled me with drugs , took every penny I had tortured and abused me, he almost killed me let alone kept me like a caged animal that was there to please him. Upon the 4th year with this insane person I left when I was on my death bed thinking that I would rather be alone than be with him. I crushed my parents , I crushed my brother and most importantly I destroyed myself.
The hospital was the only place I knew I could go to knowing that if I didn’t I would kill myself. I had a drug addiction, I was alone and homeless and I was delusional all I knew was a person like myself needed to die I wished and hoped my life would end anything would be better than living such a painful life.
Admitted into the hospital I went through physical mental and emotional pain everything would come back to me thinking about what I did and went through . All I wanted was to be medicated so I could just be to drowsy to think. 5 days in and I got a message that there was a phone call for me, I thought who would call me no one knew where I was or even if I was alive I hadn’t spoken to anyone in almost a year no way of communication with anyone.
My heart stopped and all I could do was uncontrollably cry when I heard it was my mother, the lady who never gave up on me through all that time the 0ne person who prayed for my life. I grabbed the phone and said hello and all she said was come home where you belong if anything happened or happens to you what life would we have. I gave up on life but my parents never gave up hope they were determined to bring me back to what I once was.
A lot of hard work, counseling and meditation for months eventually gave me some sort of light at the end of tunnel it allowed me to embrace what and whom I have. I gave up true love and happiness for a life of drugs and destruction for a life that almost took my life for people who never deserved me.
It’s hard to make the right decisions sometimes we do things with thinking. Life takes unexpected turns but as long as we remain honest and humble and always remain grounded we can manage to live this thing called life. Giving up is too easy that’s what most people want you to do but trying and understanding shit happens moving on in positivity we can overcome anything.
We choose how we live so why not choose happiness and never giving up especially for people that don’t matter.
Everything is either a lesson. Live and learn.