It Helps To Understand

According to the National Health Service, as of 2016, one in six people deal with common mental health problems such as depression. The current UK population is 66,573,504 people, that means approximately a staggering 11,095,584 people are dealing with a common issue in the UK.

Yet somehow, even with so many people dealing with the same things, so few of us know how to deal with it. Mind, For Better Mental Healthsays on its website: "It appears that how people cope with mental health problems is getting worse as the number of people who self-harm or have suicidal thoughts is increasing."

What is even more interesting is that we've seen a huge push towards mental health awareness, with a strong focus on depression and anxiety in the news and across social media platforms, long gone are the days of depending on books such as Raising Cain, yet it seems we're more confused about depression than ever before.

Possibly the biggest issue is that fact that mental health issues are very rarely the same for every person, so reading so 'n so's blog about how they've handled their depression may not help you, or help you help the person you care about.

Depression can also be terrifying. Dan Kindlon, and Michael Thompson, wrote;

"The depression was like a force field separating him from other people. And here I am - I'm a 'feelings junkie', a psychologist who knows what this is and is trained to sit with it and work with it - and even I wanted to run out of the room. Now, if the intensity of this boy's pain can make me want to turn and run, imagine what other people in Jody's life felt." - Raising Cain

So saying this there are a few key things that are often not talked about regarding depression, here's my list of things you should understand to help those with depression.

1. There's no age requirement.

My Grandmother called it the 'Gillywobbels', a child friendly name for some very young children suffering from depression. There is absolutely no age limit for depression, you can have a tiny, tiny child who is showing signs of it, or you could be well into the sunset years of your life and find yourself depressed.

2. There isn't always a reason.

Sometimes everything is fine, sometimes there is nothing. That's depression. It can happen in the snap of your fingers for absolutely no reason at all, suddenly your in the 'pit' and nothing makes you feel alive.

3. Do not baby me.

One of the worst things that you can do is 'baby' someone with depression. Just because they are 'down' does not mean they've stopped having a working brain. It's important to show love and caring, but do not overdo it, you could find you're making things worse.

4. There's no point getting up.

When someone is depressed they may find it hard to get up, or do anything. All motivation can vanish, and all sensation of 'humanity' with it. This can leave a person in a place where they simply cannot see reason to try. When someone you care about is doing this do not pressure them with stress inducing things, instead seduce them with something they love to do. Getting a person who is depressed, in this way, to be active at all is an accomplishment and will help put them on track to feeling happy again.

5. Try not to think of it as a problem.

Thinking about depression as a problem will lead you to treating it like a problem. There is no miracle fix, and acting like there should be is only going to make things harder for the person you care about. When they're depressed talk to them more, encourage them to do the things they enjoy, and ask them what you can do. If they say there's nothing you can do, then do nothing, just be perky and a good source of calm for them to be around.

6. The little voice in their head is not friendly.

When you achieve something, or do something you're proud of you feel good about it right? That feeling is rare for depressives. When someone suffering from depression achieves something, anything, that pesky voice in the back of their head is instantly pointing out all the flaws, even the minutest of them. You have to be direct, blunt and clear with people in this head space when they do something good, state the positives, tell them exactly why that's good, leave it at that. And remember it's the same rule when you criticize, if you go on and on about what is wrong with something your words will replay forever in that persons head. State the issues, clearly, and leave it there, or help them to make it better.

These are some very basic things to understand when loving someone with depression. It can be incredibly hard to live with a depressive, they can be wonderful one day and incredibly closed and sad the next.

The important thing to remember is that it is not their fault and most of the time not yours either. You can help them by being clear, lighthearted and supportive. It's not for nothing though, living with someone with depression can be a huge change for your life, and for the better. Depressives can be amazingly honest people, they're often supportive of your achievements, very loving and good at heart.