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Involuntary psychiatric patient.

by Petenua Vilos about a year ago in bipolar

How I got there and why.

My journey through a psych ward was a battle between sanity, reason and reality.

It all begun in July of 2018. The month I relapsed on marijuana. Some might think, “Oh, it’s only weed!” Or “It’s natural and good for you”

I was 4 months sober from weed when I relapsed. It was July 2018. The sun was shining and I was happily getting high in the sun. Everyday.

I was smoking so much weed that my reality became an insane scary truth. I had developed schizophrenia. I thought many things and BELIEVED many things which didn’t have any rhyme or reason. One night I began hearing voices.

We are only just getting started.

On top of smoking marijuana like a chimney, I was prescribed gabapentin in March of 2018. I was eating them like candy. In September of 2018 I realized I had become a full blown addict once more and I needed help to make a change. I quit marijuana and gabapentin in the same day and immediately begun my journey of no sleep and high energy. I was ruthless, scary and strung out.

I had quickly become manic after the forth day of no sleep. One night I heard what I thought was ruffling within the bushes connected to my home. I smelled gasoline and heard jugs of gasoline being poured onto my home. I hid. I phoned 911 and the police arrived. When the police came they told me there is no gasoline or anyone near by.

I began to panic. They apprehended me under the mental health act and I was taken to the hospital. I explained how I couldn’t take adivan because I am an addict. The nurse gave me an adivan anyway and the police drove me home. I slept for 4 hours.

The next day, I tried to sleep...

My attempt didn’t succeed and I stood up to go to the bathroom. I could not stand up. My blood pressure was extremely low from lack of food, no sleep and missed medications. I begun to panic. I thought I was having a heart attack. I was 20 at the time.

I called 911 and the voice told me to eat 2 aspirin. I couldn’t walk to make it to the medicine cabinet. Was I going to die?!

The paramedics showed up and helped me get to the ambulance. I went into the hospital and was injected with many things, then soon transported to a psychiatric ward in the town next to me.

I was terrified. Lonely and afraid. I was diagnosed with BiPolar disorder and plowed through 2 months of self repair and discovery. It was hard. I got monthly injections for a year after leaving the ward.

Since September of 2018, I have been 2 years clean and healthy. I take all my medications everyday and I live a fulfilling life. I just got married, bought a house and I have my dream job!

Never give up or loose hope. Hope is powerful when you truly believe in self healing. It is never too late to better yourself or your situation. I am able to live my best life and I hope if your reading this I have given you inspiration to keep moving forward.

All the best


Petenua Vilos

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