Inside the Mind of an INFJ (Pt. 2)

I am an INFJ.

If you don't know what an INFJ refers to or haven't read my previous article, I would recommend you read it. It will help you fill in all the extra blanks as you read this article. You can do that here: (https://vocal.media/psyche/inside-the-mind-of-an-infj).

Some things worth noting: Everyone is different. Even though someone else might be an INFJ, they still may look at some things differently. This does not make them an INFJ, nor does it exclude them from being one. We are all shaped by our life experiences and our genetic make up. I prefer to look at it like this when it comes to the nature vs nurture question: Our genetics creates our personality (or gives us a foundation), but our environment is what sets it in stone for the rest of our life.

I don't know why you are reading this, whether it is for a loved one, mother, father, boyfriend, girlfriend, aunt, uncle, friend, etc... I hope that by me giving you a more of an intimate look into my mind that it will help you with your relationship.

First off, if you want to understand an INFJ, you must get out of your own mind. What I mean by that is you have to forget your way of thinking and your view on the world, people, things, etc... As an INFJ I see things through a logical AND imaginative lense. As an INFJ I am prone to being very private, but at the same time wanting to share everything. All in all, I think it would be safe to say that being an INFJ is the ultimate middle ground on a mental plane.

Alone Time and the INFJ 'Door Slam'

The most important thing to me or, at least top five, would be having alone time. Depending on the stress of an INFJ's life, alone time can do wonders. Without it I tend to become overwhelmed and/or start to feel hopeless. If you find an INFJ spending copious amounts of time by themselves, it is not a good thing. This usually means they are struggling to keep up with the stresses of their life, they aren't getting enough quality time alone, or perhaps they are just mad at you. I am sure most of you who are reading are familiar with the famous INFJ door slam. This 'door slam' is not a literal door (although it could be at times), but a metaphor for shutting someone out of their lives. When I do this I have found this person either not to be loyal, a constant trouble maker, or this someone makes me uncomfortable (I will cover this later). Once I am done with someone, I almost always done with them. I give them one chance to prove themselves (out of a fear that I have done something wrong) and if that is failed... goodbye forever. I view it as, "I don't have the time to deal with these games." That is honestly the best way I know how to put it.

Listen to Them About Others

All INFJs have a unique thing about us. We are able to pick up on certain things about them or 'see through them.' You can't hide anything from an INFJ. We know... we may not be able to put our finger on it, but we know when someone is 'faking to make it' or when something is amiss. In the previous portion I mentioned, "...or this someone makes me feel uncomfortable." When the INFJ in your life says something about someone else—you need to listen. When they say they don't like someone or they have an off feeling about someone it is vital that you listen. Chances are they are right and don't ask us to explain it because we really can't.

Needing to Fulfill a Bigger Purpose

When it comes to employment INFJs seem to struggle in this area, or at least I have. I have always felt that I was meant for a 'bigger purpose.' This seems to be a common occurrence with INFJs. Working a regular 9 to 5 can be a tormenting experience for an INFJ. We need jobs where we know that we will be making a difference and helping people. Knowing what I know now I would've have pursued a degree a long time ago. The best advice I can give someone who is dating and considering marrying an INFJ would be to wait until they decide what career they want to venture in. Of course you don't have to wait! Love prevails over all, but I urge you to keep in mind that this might lead to some financial trouble along the way.

Love

INFJs will search to the ends of the earth to find their one true love, or soulmate as some would say. Being an INFJ, I was more interested in dating for love than for money, status, or just because someone was 'hot.' I always knew that I wanted more out of a relationship even at a young age. I remember back in fifth grade when everyone was dating just because they could. I never cared to do this. It just felt stupid and pointless to me. Love to an INFJ is indeed a love story that you find in books and romance novels. There was a period where I didn't date for 10 years simply because I didn't see my soulmate. It was a pretty rough time because people really thought I was gay! Of course this wasn't the case, but I didn't expect people to understand. When I met my wife I knew that very second she was the one. We dated for about three months, I proposed, then we were married just a couple weeks later. We have been married four years now and are as happy as can be. If you are looking for a quick fling, then move on. On the other hand, if you are looking to start a family, all lights green!

Be Careful With Criticism/Venting

INFJs are very caring people. We take everything to heart. The Introvert side comes into the play here. INFJs understand the power of words and actions. You can vent to us, but be sure to underline the VENTING. Make sure they are aware that the venting is venting and does not concern them; even then, it would be wise to tread carefully. This is especially important when it comes to their soulmate. They want them to never be worried, stressed, down, hate themselves, and so on. So, if their spouse comes home and complains (or just venting in this case) about how much they hate their job, the INFJ could see this as, "I am not doing enough." or, "I need to make more money so she (or he) doesn't have to work." When this occurs, it is not your fault. This is a sign of an unhealthy INFJ. (I hope to cover this topic more in a future article.)

Make Sure You Are Asking About Them

Another major thing about an INFJ is to make sure you are being conversant with them. We INFJs are the best at hiding our feelings from others. Just because we seem fine on the outside doesn't mean we are good on the inside. I have always felt that my problems are my own. I don't tell anyone or act like something is wrong because I don't want to burden anyone else with my troubles. My thought process has always been, "There are others who are going through a lot more than I am. They are priority, not myself. I can't afford to worry about myself right now." We keep things to ourselves because we feel it is selfish of us to talk about us. Just a simple, "You doing alright?" instills trust. It lets us know that you care. When an INFJ feels that you genuinely, and I emphasize GENUINELY, care they will be more open with you.

I hope this has helped who ever has read this. In the future I hope to write a few more articles on other INFJ subjects. The main thing is to let them have their alone time, listen to them, ask about them, and be sure to be careful with your criticism.