If Somebody Doesn't Like You, Don't Take It Personally

Unfortunately, we live in an unfair world. There are "good apples" and "bad apples", and some of them we just can't pick out and throw away. On this planet, we work, go to school, attend recreational programs, shop, do errands and other activities that require continuous interaction. Although some of the what we call "bad apples" can't always be left out and discarded, some of them can be! In personal relationships, we choose who we want in our "jars of people" and we often keep and store the "good ones in our jars". In professional relationships, we don't always pick and choose who we want in our "jars of people". For example, we don't get to choose our teachers in school, no matter how we view them. We have to learn to tolerate them and accept them for who they are. Over time, we get better at dealing with them.

Regarding our feelings towards the people that don't value us, it's nothing to take seriously, even though it's hard not to. Humans are made to interact and have certain connections with people. We're created to have feelings towards others we encounter every day. When someone doesn't like us or thinks the opposite about us, we naturally feel offended, sad, angry, upset and annoyed. If we we're satisfied and happy that some people don't like us, we would be considered "people who can't feel anything" and that's impossible. When we discover that one doesn't like one another, we often ask questions like, "What did I do?", "Am I a bad person" or "Am I not worthy enough for others?" As we mature and understand this part of reality, we realize that it's not always about us and that there are multiple reasons why others may not like us.

The possible reasons why everyone won't like us are:

1) They might not like our personality traits

Nobody has the same personality, nor will we ever. Some of us are the friendliest, most outgoing, kindest and most caring people on earth. Some of us are unkind, narrow-minded, reticent and not friendly. Some of us are in the middle. That being said, we don't function in the same way and we have to find people that best suit our personality traits.

Although the expectation is to be cordial with people despite their personalities, the truth is that not everyone will be civil with us. It doesn't mean that you're any better or worse; it simply means that you just don't connect well with him or her. Think about it this way: you walk into a clothing store and you find all kinds of things like sweaters, skirts, t-shirts, pants and jackets. You're at the sweater aisle and see this sweater that everyone thinks is "attractive, cute and appealing", yet you think it's the complete opposite. Does that mean the sweater is ugly or of poor-quality? No. It means that you might not like the sweater however, other people might find it attractive and would want to buy it. It's the same thing with people. Just because you don't like a certain person, it doesn't mean that somebody else won't get along with that person.

2) They're unhappy with themselves and their own lives

Everyone has a story. We have happy parts and sad parts to our stories, we just don't always share the bad parts. Some people have more sad parts than happy parts to their tales, and that's unfortunate for those who've been through such adversity. One could've been abused or neglected when they were a child, bullied in school or sexually molested when they were young. There are lots of reasons to explain why one might be unhappy with themselves and other people. When someone goes through a fair amount of hardships in their life, it can affect them later on. It can lead to mental health issues, which can impact his or her quality of life if left untreated.

When someone is dissatisfied with themselves, they can't be satisfied with others. It's just not likely for them. We may exhibit our feelings differently, but that doesn't mean that we're happy with ourselves and our lives. If he or she is unhappy, remember that it doesn't determine who you are. You could be the greatest person and one can treat you like "trash". But that's not because you're doing anything wrong. The person is just channeling their own negativity onto others, because it's all that he or she might be able to do.

3) They don't agree with how we think and what we believe

As much as we want everyone to be on the same page as us, that's not a realistic expectation for us to have. In life, people think differently and have different beliefs. That's what makes the world such a complex and interesting place to live in. The fact that we think differently isn't the issue; it's how we express our beliefs and handle those who are not open-minded. It's one thing to have your own beliefs, it's another to project them onto others. It's one thing for someone's brain to be wired differently, it's another to show a lack of awareness and dignity.

Some people just don't grasp the concept of people being different. Since they're misinformed and unaware that one is "religious" or "neurodiverse", they make comments that they think are "not so bad", but that the average person would believe is "insulting" or "unnecessary" to make. Some people were raised in a religious household and all they know is "how they were raised". Someone could have Autism since birth or because of a horrible circumstance they've been in as a young child. When one makes an insensitive comment or pushes their beliefs onto others, it's doesn't mean that you should be on the same page as them. It means that the person is showing a lack of tolerance and doesn't have the capacity to handle different kinds of people.

4) They don't like our behaviours towards others and ourselves

The sad reality is, bullying doesn't stop when you leave elementary, middle and high school. Although it happens less frequently in post-secondary school and the workplace, there's still a risk of bullying and mistreatment. There are many grown-ups who behave inappropriately and show a fair amount of disrespect towards others, just like what you've encountered in your younger years. In fact, there's even more 'child-like" and "immature" adults nowadays, based on what you incessantly notice and hear of in the media. Boyfriend/girlfriend fights, workplace arguments and multiple crimes are examples of ways adults mistreat one another in the community, at home, at school and on the job. Bullying can be displayed in a verbal, physical and emotional manner.

Nobody likes to be bullied and offended. When we see someone who's rude and shows unacceptable behaviour, we're not going to be pleased. We're going to be disgusted and be like, "I don't want to be around her or him". In the adult world, people become less and less tolerant towards people who conduct themselves in ways that are uncalled for. When someone doesn't think you're good and treats you like "you don't amount to anything", it's not because you're the one with the issues. The person is just a bully and doesn't know how to stop treating others with disrespect. He or she may have trouble in his or her personal life that the only thing he or she can do is, bully others to feel more powerful. Remember this, if they don't think highly of themselves, they won't think highly of others. If they don't value their own lives, they won't value other peoples' lives. Self comes first.

I'm not a psychologist, mental health professional or therapist, but I've gone through enough adversity to share my thoughts and tips with others. Like I've said on multiple occasions, I've been mistreated in school and the community. People didn't always value me and I would become easily offended. I'm still working on realizing that when one doesn't think I'm good or doesn't like me, it's not because I did anything wrong. It means that they're either not open-minded enough or they're dissatisfied with themselves. Ignorance is not something you're born with. It's something you're taught at home and bring with you into the real world.

What matters is, you can make better choices for yourselves and others. I'm starting to realize that. I'm starting to appreciate who I am, because I'll never be the same as everyone else. We have to follow our own footsteps and use our own minds. We can't force ourselves to follow somebody elses path and think the same way they do, just because they command us to.

All we need to worry about is being kind to others and doing the right thing. People will make their own choices and deal with the ramifications of their own behaviour. That's not our concern. Our concern is our own behaviour and life.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this article. I hope this article inspired you and gave comfort to those struggling with bullying and hatred from others. If you found this article helpful and educational, please give it a ❤️ and share it with other people who might want to read it. Stay tuned and visit my public profile to read and share more of my stories, articles and poems on Vocal. Don't hesitate to connect with me on Instagram. Have a great week!

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