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I Was Bullied as a Kid and Then This Happened.

How I turned my life around.

By Leon MacfaydenPublished 2 years ago 7 min read
Top Story - December 2021
17
I Was Bullied as a Kid and Then This Happened.
Photo by Ilayza Macayan on Unsplash

I had been bullied and harassed all day.

Like most days.

I was at the end of my tether and had a PE lesson to wrap things up.

PE (Or Physical Education) was the worst because it put me in a changing room with all the bullies from all the different classes that come together for this one hour of torture. This is why I always tried to avoid it with sick notes ranging from bad backs to nausea.

On this day, one of my bullies picked up a tennis racket and used the metal side to strike me in the forearm. It hurt and tipped me over the edge. I finally told a teacher what had been happening to me.

His response was “Go away and stop moaning”. At that moment, I knew two things.

First, I had to go back into that changing room and endure whatever was to come my way.

Second, no one was coming to save me. I had to save myself.

Background.

I am lucky to have been born to parents that showed me nothing but love. My story bucks the trend of someone with a hard home life, going on to repeat the same cycle over and over. However, counterintuitive as it may sound, sometimes too much love can be a bad thing.

I grew up as an only child. This meant that my interaction with children my age was greatly limited. It also meant my parent's full attention was focused solely on me.

Until I went to school, I had no idea that there was anything bad in the world. This may sound good but it meant I was ill-prepared for the inevitable conflict and suffering which comes to any life sooner or later. I had not been shown how to stand up for myself.

The Early Years.

At 4 years old I started Nursery School (Kindergarten for my American readers). Surrounded by other children my age was a real shock. Throughout my short time here, most of it played out without incident. However there was one particular event that displayed some of the malevolence to come, and my complete inability to handle it.

At Nursery School, we had an indoor slide. One day I was eagerly climbing it and another boy decided he didn't want to wait. So he threw me off. I managed to hang on to a rung and was screaming for the teacher. Almost comically, I was no more than a couple of feet off the floor.

The significance of this slide event is not to make it out as something terrible. However, it did teach me 3 things:

It showed me that I am not the center of the universe.

It showed me that sometimes bad things will happen to me.

It showed me I had no idea how to handle this sort of situation.

Following The Slide incident, the years passed by quite uneventfully until I reached 11 and was due to start Secondary School. I had friends and other children often liked me.

The Bullying Years.

Starting Secondary School was like a shockwave rippling through my life. The school looked vast and everyone was so BIG. I had been pulled straight out of my comfort zone and had no idea how to deal with people on this scale.

I decided to try and make friends incrementally and keep my head down while I worked out the social rules in this new environment. Alas, it didn’t work.

The name-calling revolved around my physical appearance. I had crooked teeth, was overweight, and wore glasses. As you can imagine, they had a field day with me. Even my so-called friends would join in.

A pattern emerged with my “friends”. They would be nice to me so they could come to my house and play on my computers and toys. Then they would turn on me immediately after and abuse me viciously. I always fell for it because I desperately hoped that THIS time they genuinely liked me.

One particular example stands out among the rest. I had my “best friend” come over to my house and we were outside talking. I made an off-the-cuff joke about me being handsome (honestly it was a joke). He replied, in all seriousness “you’re not really”. This hurt me more than most of the other insults put together. I felt that if I was considered ugly, there is nothing I can do about it, and was destined for a life of solitude.

To try and counter this tsunami of hostility, I started making friends with people that were even worse off than me. I sought out the school “freaks” and started hanging around with them.

This was a bad strategy as it led to me being identified as an even bigger loser than I was before. Previously I could still engage with relatively popular friends. Sure they would use me for their own ends but now they wouldn’t even talk to me.

Over time I continued to experience daily examples of abuse from my peers. I dreaded being late into a class as it would draw attention to me and lead to me being mocked in front of everyone and maybe assaulted with the odd item thrown in my direction.

Even my main teacher joined in the abuse regarding my crooked teeth. Yes, you read that right.

I knew that my reputation at school was too far gone. Half the school used to insult me so I had lost that battle. However, College here starts at 16 and I felt here is my big chance.

Making Changes.

I feel College was a transition period. I started doing things to help myself, became more accepted by my peers, but things were still difficult.

I had no real friends outside of the classroom and so I would often sit in the toilets to eat my lunch. Yes, by now I had embraced victimhood to that extent.

However, I began doing things that ultimately changed my life.

First, I took up Karate. As well as how to defend myself, it taught me so much more. I learned Confidence, Discipline, lost weight, became physically strong and mentally stronger. I felt as if I was sowing the seeds for my future at last.

This led to me taking up Boxing. More self-defense, more Confidence, more Discipline. Fitter. Stronger. My Boxing and Karate peers were starting to respect me.

I began to walk taller and prouder. Physical bullying was now a thing of the past. It is almost like predators can sense who is weak and who isn’t and they now knew to leave me alone. “Tough guys” from back in school now started to like me as well.

A New Me.

At 18 it was time to attend University. I was still very much a “home bird” and went to a local university so I could still see my mum and dad almost every week. By this stage, I was a green belt in Karate and was lifting weights at least 3 times a week.

University was where I finally made it. By the time I finished, I was a black belt in Karate and tough people were respecting me, considering me as one of them. They had no idea of my past and I certainly was not about to tell them.

I had my first relationship (not quite so ugly now), went on my first holiday alone, studied, and graduated with a Law Degree. All of these things were amazing. However, there was one thing that stood out as the achievement of my life.

I had become someone that I, as well as others, could respect. I had proven to myself that I have what it takes to bounce back from anything. I was proud of my mental resilience which I had built from nothing. I could now be the person I had always dreamt about.

Reflections and Lessons.

The lesson I want to convey from this story is to never give up. One of the greatest things about being human is having the capacity to change our lives any minute of any day.

If you don’t love yourself now, what would it take? What could you do immediately to start achieving your goals?

If other people treat you badly, do they matter? If not, then declutter your life from that kind of toxic relationship. If yes, then what can you do to put a stop to it?

If you are afraid of something, do you think it would enrich your life? If yes, then look fear in the eye and do what is necessary despite it. This is the true definition of Courage.

It doesn’t matter how long you have suffered. The future has not been written yet.

Make of it what you will.

recovery
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About the Creator

Leon Macfayden

From a police officer to a psychiatric ward and recovery.

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