I want out of this abusive relationship…
You take and take and never give. You are constantly nagging at me with a relentless draining energy. You come between me and my family and friends. You won’t let me go places or do the things I used to. The only time I get to forget about you is when I am floating off in a medicated stupor and sometimes you still remain close by. This is no way to live. Your only purpose it to show me I am mortal.
Since the beginning you have been hurting me physically and mentally and you are only think of your own narcissistic needs. I am not the same person I was before. You have changed me, left me with a short temper, angry words and bitter resentments. My heart mourns for the loss of myself. I have tried to live with you, to find some way to manage but I can’t enjoy life anymore with you here. You lie to me with whispers of promises that things will get better and then you go right back to your old befouling ways. Pinning me to my bed, nocking my feet out from under me, making me so raw and inflamed I can’t sleep. I have learned to hide the signs of your abuse from others but it isn’t easy and some days I just can’t conceal it. You think your abuse is invisible to others, but those who look close enough can detect it. I can’t keep living a lie, it is wrong and I know I deserve to do more than just survive.
I have spoken to Doctors and specialists to try and sever our relationship but you won’t accept or do as they suggest and you continue to plague my life. Please let me be, for even just a short while so I can rest and recover from your constant abuse. I am broken because of you and I am losing who I am. I did not ask you to join me, nor give my consent to you. If you stood before me now I would take this knife from my body and plunge it into yours. I am so bone-weary of you. I need to be free from you. If I could walk away on my own, I would have done so long before now.
I have never done anything to you except try to appease you, soften, diminish, and tranquilize. I am slowly losing myself and becoming nothing but a shell, unable to stand on my own. You are evil and yet in some euphoric state I am nothing without you. I will not give in and die for that would only give you reason to pass the hurt onto others. You may change your pattern and way of attack but it is still pain and abuse no matter what form. You think you are clever in your ways of invasion, but I am aware of your scheme. It is not ok to subsist this way and I will continue to strive for a bigger and better divide between you and I. I may say, “today I give in”, but I am not done this battle. I am only resting to gather my strength to continue the fight. Even though you are relentless I know I can lay silent and still and gather my nerve, muster my will. For the next day will be a battle again and again I will press on. Hiding the bruises, covering the torture with a smile. I am still here because the pain says ‘I am alive’. With or without you, I will survive.
Sincerely,
The one to whom chronic pain has joined itself to.
About the Creator
Gina Solomon
Life is an adventure and sometimes the adventure is figuring out who you are and why you have learned so many odd skills years before. I think it is time to share my adventures in stories my imagination has been aching to create.
Keep reading
More stories from Gina Solomon and writers in Psyche and other communities.
Little black book
As the taxi pulled up to the house I was flooded with memories. This was only the 2nd time I had been here and yet it was connected to so much of my life. My past and now my future. The last time I was here was before I was married. My fiancé had brought me here for dinner and to meet his mother. Dinner was quiet, almost void of emotion. David had done most of the talking and it was about him more than anyone else. I was nervous and proud of him and so was glad he had taken control as it made it easier on me. I thought he had done so to be kind to me. After the meal I helped take dishes into the kitchen. We were alone and she said to me “don’t marry him. No one deserves that kind of cruelty” just then David came into the kitchen saying we had to leave and I wasn’t able to say anything to her. I thought all the way home ‘why would she stay such a thing? She doesn't even know me and nothing was said at dinner to make her think I was a horrible person’ Did David say something before about me to make her think I was so horrible for him?’ I asked him why his mother didn’t like me and he said, “oh I am sorry she gave you that impression. She has always been a difficult person. I don’t think she likes anyone. She doesn’t even have any close friends that I know of. She seems to push everyone away.” She came to the wedding but only for the service and didn’t stay for the reception. she never smiled once that I can remember and even the few pictures taken of her she wasn’t smiling. So I didn’t mind that my husband let me stay home when he went to visit her or deal with things for her.
By Gina Solomon3 years ago in Families
Hidden Costs and Lasting Shame of Financial Abuse
I’ve always been responsible with my money. I have a job that pays decently, although (like many in our inflated economy) I should definitely be making more for what I do. I regularly check my credit score. I don’t eat out much, nor do I spend frivolously on non-essentials.
By Veronica Wren14 days ago in Psyche
Lawsuit Driven Decision Making
For the past nine months or so, my wife and I have been trying to conceive a child. It has been difficult for a number of reasons that would require an entirely different article to describe in detail. For purposes of this piece suffice to say because of our circumstances we have had to interact with medical professionals (obstetricians-gynecologists primarily but others as well) on a number of occasions. On two of those occassions highly consequential and difficult decisions with respect to course of treatment needed to be make. And when I say highly consequential I am not exaggerating, for my wife these decisions could mean literally life or death and/or the ability to ever conceive of a child naturally again.
By Everyday Junglist4 days ago in Psyche
The Reluctant Reporter
"You can't send me!" "There is no-one else. It's you or no-one, and that is not an option." Ameera looked at the fat paunch and florid face of her boss, a man who lived for the story and the kudos it brought him but who rarely gave consideration to the people behind the drama. When had he become so hard? She reckoned that by the end of the year, he'd be dead, collapsed from a heart attack and she struggled to conjure any sympathy in that moment and instantly felt ashamed at displaying the same lack of compassion that he had.
By Rachel Deeming5 days ago in Fiction
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.