I'm Coliving with Social Anxiety

Coliving spaces are becoming massively popular in big cities. Companies like Common and Podshare have become massively successful by providing a shareable space to students, nomads, or low-income people. My journey with coliving started when I decided to move to NYC.

Working as a freelance writer, I knew that I'd be making less than what was required to get a good apartment in the city. And, the spaces that I was looking at had great amenities. Affordable rent including utilities, fully furnished, dishes and cooking appliances included. It seemed perfect. Still, the photos of the large group gatherings and talks of being best friends with their roommates made my stomach turn.

Was I going to fit in?

For as long as I could remember, people have terrified me. I have memories of hiding in the bathroom during Sunday school or eating lunch in the woods at summer camp. It wasn't that I didn't like people, it's just that I was scared of them not liking me. Every facial expression or shift in their tone of voice felt like a judgment. In my mind, every conversation was an audition for friendship, and I never felt prepared enough.

So, joining a coliving space was daunting. What if I got there and all of my roommates hated me? What if I was completely isolated or shamed? I mean, I was sharing a room with two other people (yeah, that's NYC). Would my two other roommates feel invaded by my presence?

The first month was a little definitely a little uncomfortable. Roommates silently stepped around each other, mumbling the occasional excuse me. It was rare that I made eye contact with anyone and I tried to keep myself out of the house as much as possible. As for the parties? I didn't attend any of them. I cooped myself up, in my hole and barely ever spoke to anyone.

Then, something odd happened. I fucked up.

On New Year's Eve, I got massively drunk. I ended up coming home and drinking almost an entire bottle of someone else's wine. I was horrified and humiliated, but somehow it became a kind of bonding moment between me and my roommate. After that, we started talking more often in common areas, which led to more conversations with more roommates.

Social anxiety is still very much a part of my existence, but it hasn't held me back from enjoying coliving as much as I thought it would. Honestly, coliving has made my social anxiety better. It has taught me that dumb, human mistakes are what bring us together.

Coliving has forced me out of my comfort zone. It has made me become a person who's the first to say good morning or offers to watch movies with my roommates. After a few months, my roommates ended up becoming my best friends. Now, we can all go out to bars together or stay up all night talking about life. Complete strangers have become my family, all because I had to face the fact that I wasn't perfect.

Having social anxiety does not mean that you should isolate yourself. Honestly, being surrounded by people all of the time helped my mental health a lot. Coliving has made regular everyday interactions easier. It has made phone calls and restaurant orders way less stressful. If you're afraid of having roommates that you don't know, I think coliving is a great way to fight that fear. And, if you're lucky, you get some amazing friends out of it.