I Love the Darkest in You

Should every act of kindness begin with the honest confrontation with that (wo)man in the mirror? Perhaps so. How shall I relate to my neighbor if I am not on good terms with myself?

Questioning the Altruists

A rather easy route to be taken is to just sprinkle love and kindness on all the people around. Love for everyone! Mass inclusion! And how can anyone debate this virtuous outlook? Seems that in a world full of contempt and bitterness, any statement of warmth toward the fellow human being is very welcome. But a rather neglected array of questions lie in the shadows, left out of the discussion. Questions that pose an uncomfortable reality, pointing to every human being, regardless of the person's actions or intentions.

How genuine is your kindness?

How long will this spree of generosity last?

Why hasn't it been there before?

Today fingers are pointed at the individual, so let me boldly rephrase the essential question:

How genuine is my kindness?

Conscious Love

May love spread around the world from person to person, but I pray that the expressed love will come from the heart instead of the mind. I can be taught to foster kindness in my life, producing a series of mechanical behaviors. A kindness program spread in a mind so complex, that it may be close to impossible to dissect the true motives in the morally good behavior exhibited. However, we are limited in our knowledge and so are we in our experience. It becomes only a matter of time until our installed ideology malfunctions and fails the campaign, leaving us bewildered in the scene of the crime. How could I have behaved like this? I was always trying my best, my intentions were good, they always were… Suddenly, one is struck with the unfamiliarity of the human being that one is. The façade of kindness shatters.

Could this have been avoided if the person was aware of himself? Truly conscious of who he is? The conviction that one is a morally good human being can blind the person to the darkness that he tries to avoid at all costs. Repression follows. Suppressing the things that were once thought of as non-existent, the person creates an inner imbalance, in favor of the dark side. 

Family members start to become upset at the sudden outbursts of negative emotion.

Loved ones shed tears because of hurtful behavior.

Conflicts ensue with friends. Calling names, pointing fingers.

The guy next door begins to avoid eye contact because of multiple recent quarrels in the public corridor.

It is just a matter of time until my kindness will fall flat if don't understand what place I am coming from. To be kind means to have a grip on the flux happening inside one's soul, and in consequence have the clarity to relate to the suffering of the world. To give out a piece of one's heart to the troubled.

Before I go out executing virtuous acts, I shall seek love for myself.

Perhaps it's a rather selfish suggestion - sort yourself out before going out with a handful of sweets to the streets. But is it? Am I even sure those sweets are good for the people I am about to award?

Cleaning the Mirror

Being kind should be a default human state. Why should anyone receive my negativity for no reason? But to be kind to a person that doesn't emit any negativity towards me is rather easy. How to be kind to someone who is rude to me, for example? To someone whom I do not like? Who is not visually appealing to me? Who am I jealous of?

Not only do these questions allude to long hours of self-work, but they are also uncomfortable, to say the least. That's why it is easier to just skip all this psychobabble and get straight to the point: let's be kind and inclusive!

That seems to me like a road to disaster taken armed with the wrong means. A shortcut. A payoff without the hard work.

To look at oneself honestly means to realize whatever it is I despise in other human beings. What garbage that I have unsorted in myself that I project onto other people? What have I left behind, neglected, unconfronted? These things are the roots of unkind behavior, that grow into an animosity conveniently hidden behind the veil of social kindness. 

By understanding my incompetence, immorality and imperfections, I may set foot onto the path of self-acceptance. Without which there may be no genuine long-lasting kindness or inclusivity toward my fellow neighbor, friend, mother and father, lover or anyone else in the worldwide community.

A tedious challenge, lying seemingly unrelated to the task at hand. But if the giver is unknowingly corrupt, the altruistic endeavor will fail on a grand scale.

The Manifesto

Despite the ongoing hostility between people in these challenging times, talks about inclusivity and acceptance have spread across the whole world quite rapidly. And even though such advertising is necessary, we must ask ourselves - why the problem still persists? Perhaps it is always going to be there. Perhaps. But perhaps a different approach ought to be taken, the least we can do is try. An honest approach to oneself.

I shall speak for myself, as I cannot speak for anyone else. Before going out trying to change the world with my monumental, grandiose and awe-inspiring dreams, I will ask myself if I got it right. I'm planning to change the world, shouldn't I really think this through? Before my chain of kindness begins developing, I must make sure my actions are right.

And so, I shall recognize my judgements, my projections. My obscured hate and animosity. My shame, my guilt, my weaknesses. I shall seek to untie the knots within and in consequence open a warm and compassionate heart to the people around me. Express kindness, because despite the fact that everyone deserves it, I seek to know what it truly means to be human, and this time my goodwill will be externalized through the integrated darkness within.

Through the darkness that is also in you, that I deeply relate to.