I Just Can't Shower- Depression Thoughts

I realize it's that time again. Even the thought alone exhausts me.

It's time to shower again.

I don't remember the last time I've showered, it's been days. I decide when I wake up that I will shower today. I'm already dreading it.

I'll just eat first, then I'll shower.

But, of course, that doesn't happen. I eat, then lay on the couch scrolling aimlessly for hours on my phone. Dreading.

Finally, my husband wakes up. I'm a bit shocked. What time is it?

1:30 pm. I've spent the whole day just lying here.

I'll take a shower tonight, I decide.

I know I'll feel better once I get clean. But I also know what else I'll feel.

Disgusted by the dirt on my skin, reminding me I haven't showered.

Tired because of the effort it takes to wash my very long hair and body.

Undecided whether I have enough energy to shave.

The thoughts consume me for the rest of the day as I realize what's ahead. Night falls and I still haven't moved from my spot on the couch. I'm already so tired from the thought alone.

And I've been so distracted all day from the thought of showering that no other work has been able to get done.

The longer it takes me to decide to shower, the more frustrated I get. I feel dirty. Why can't I do such a simple task?! But I also feel so tired.

I'm aware of how future me will feel, once the initial exhausting feeling of showering goes away. I'll feel clean, happy, and proud of myself.

But I'll also feel shame. Shame at how long it took me to get here again. How I let myself take forever to shower again.

And I'll vow not to wait so long this time.

But, as it happens every time. I will wait forever again. I always do.

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To be honest, this blog post is not something I really wanted to share. It's hard to share the raw and the real of what depression can do to you.

People don't want to hear that you struggle to shower, they may look at you funny. Isn't that a simple task?

Not when you have depression it's not.

But I still wanted to share because this is something I go through day in and day out and I know there are others who go through the same. If you are struggling with your personal hygiene, here are a few things to help you. They usually help me.

PERSONAL HYGIENE TIPS FOR WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED

1. TRICK YOURSELF

I know, this sounds crazy. But I promise it works! Trick yourself into showering, or brushing your teeth, or whatever hygiene task you struggle with.

If I know I need a shower, it sometimes takes a bit to work up the energy to do so.

And once it comes time to shower, I trick myself. I tell myself I am just going to wash my hair.

"It won't take long, I'm just going to wash my hair. It's greasy and I am going to see my family soon. I need to just wash my hair. I don't need to wash up today."

I repeat to myself how I am just washing my hair. It won't take long, it will be easy, whatever I need to say to myself to get in the shower.

Then, once I am in there it is normally easier to finish other tasks.

"Well, since I'm in here I may as well wash my arms."

"Well, since I'm in here, I may as well wash my legs."

And so on. There are other times when I am really too tired, that I will just wash my hair. But, if I know I have enough energy, I will take a full shower.

I reason with myself.

"You know how hard it will be to get into the shower again? Might as well make this one count!"

2. DO THINGS IN STEPS

If you don't have the energy to shower and wash up, pick whatever one you need to do most for this shower.

Just wash your hair.

Then, in a few days (or even the next day if you can) take another shower and wash your body.

Or, with your teeth. If you can't brush your teeth, just use mouthwash. Or, just floss this time. Then, brush your teeth at a different time.

One small step at a time.

3. DRY SHAMPOO

This is not something I have personally used. I really don't know where to buy it, and I feel I will always use it if I have it and it works.

But, I hear from many other people who have depression that it works!

4. PUT YOUR HAIR UP

I use this tactic a lot when I am going out and my hair needs to be washed but I can't bring myself to do it.

I always put my hair up into a ponytail or bun so that it doesn't look so bad. Or, if you have hats you could wear one as well.

This obviously doesn't help you take a shower, but it helps if you can't and need to go out!

5. PRIORITIZE YOURSELF

You deserve to be clean. You deserve to have nice looking hair, to smell fresh, and to feel good.

When you're depressed it can feel like nothing matters. But in reality, you do. You deserve to be clean. And you know you'll feel happy once it's done.

Sure, you will be tired when you're showering. And it may suck once you're in there and are reminded of how long it's been since you've showered just by how dirty your hair or body is.

but, none of that will beat the clean feeling. Or how nice your hair will look, or how nice you'll feel.

You just need to tell yourself that and forget about the rest.

6. DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF

I know it's hard. I know it sucks. But don't be so hard on yourself. This is hard.

Showering or personal hygiene in general is hard when you're depressed. Try to give yourself some leeway, but also be firm and make yourself get up when you can.

7. LISTEN TO MUSIC

One thing I love to do is play music.

It hypes me up enough to actually get off of my couch and helps me keep energy throughout the shower as well.

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If you struggle with depression and you really need help, maybe your friends, family, or significant other can help you. Your significant other may be able to run a bath for you or help you wash your hair.

Find someone you love and talk to them, they may be able to help. Because in the end, clean or not clean

You matter.

If you need someone to talk to, this site is one of my favorites.

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