I Have a New Eating Disorder

I truly don’t enjoy most foods that I eat and usually when I eat, I get a stomach ache or I feel guilty because it is something that is not good for my body. We live in a world today where there is always easy and cheap food ready.

It is not about body image, I have never looked at my body and thought, I am not going to eat for fear of being fat or overweight, like the typical anorexic. I am an active person after all, I do want to tone my muscles, but I never fear being overweight. I never look at my body as being fat or big or ugly. I hate throwing up, so I will not overindulge in angst to purge my guilt, like the bulimic would.

I usually find that I forget to eat, so busy in my own little world of thoughts and work and family that, oops, I forgot to eat. I begin to feel sick, my body needs fuel, but now it is hard to eat, the line of being completely famished and then sick to your stomach is a thin line.

Then the pressure is on, where do I get food? How do I prepare it? Where do I get the money for it? Is it healthy? Is right for my body? How much is enough? The planning, the money, and the stress of eating can be too much and can be considered a burden. I sometimes wish there was a pill that I could take once a day that would sustain me and give me the number of calories that I need on a given day. Completely bypassing the whole ritual of planning the next meal and where it comes from.

The only time I eat is when I am hungry and as soon as the hunger stops, sometimes after just a few bites, I stop eating and then I feel guilty for wasting food. So, I end up forcing down as much as I can. I often skip meals, usually breakfast or dinner, only having one meal in a day. If I eat more than one meal in a day, it is in very small portions, the size of the center part of the palm of my hand. Way under what the average American eats in one meal.

I started to study up on how fasting effects the body. I knew that religious groups fasted during certain times of the year for assorted reasons, but was it healthy?

In many research studies found, there was significant health benefits to fasting, almost as if our bodies were created to fast. It strengthens our immune system, helps to eliminate toxins in our bodies, lowers blood pressure, lowers cholesterol levels, and even lowers our levels of growth hormones that continue to thrive as we get older. Elevated levels of growth hormones as we get older contribute to the cell growth of many diseases that are killing Americans today, including the big one, Cancer. Fasting has also helped me with my portion control of food slowly, over time, shrinking my stomach, so smaller amounts of food fill the space.

Do I have a new eating disorder? Or, have I discovered how the human body was made to eat? I strive everyday to find more pleasure in food and bring in the proper amount of fuel needed day by day, and it is a constant struggle. I know two things though, my body needs food and having a quality bowel movement everyday is important for all aspects of living. Let’s eat!