I Am My Bipolar Diagnosis

I didn't choose the bipolar life, the bipolar life chose me.

The new, hip thing to do in order to destroy stigma around illnesses, particularly mental illness, is to say, "I am NOT my diagnosis." It's an understandable thing to do. People don't want to be defined by just one aspect of who they are. I get that. And I'm cool with that. I'm down with what the kids are into these days.

RELATED: "I Am Not My Diagnosis" by C.J. Dalton

When discussing the issue on the Vanderbilt Health and Wellness Wellcast (see what they did there? Pretty cute, eh), Marriage and Family therapist Emma Finan stated the following:

"...I would say to be very careful about not defining yourself by your diagnosis. So, even though if you have a diagnosis of a bipolar disorder, that doesn't mean that you are bipolar, or often people will say with schizophrenia, "I am a schizophrenic," and that is not actually accurate. It is a medical condition. It is important to understand it and know it, but it doesn't define you as a person."

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that she isn't on to something here. After all, she most definitely is smarter and probably much more qualified on the subject than little ol' me.

But, here's the deal. I have bipolar II disorder which is a mood disorder. Many of the symptoms of the disorder are what makes me be the person I am, whether I like it or not. My moods and my personality are intertwined. They cannot be separated. So, to me, I am bipolar. That's who I am. And, from my perspective, this isn't such a bad thing to say. To me it's just reality.

Ya, I don't want to be stigmatized. I don't want people to only see me as a dude with bipolar disorder. I am many things. Like....um.....like...okay, let me get back to you on that.

The cold hard truth, however, is that bipolar disorder has a big role to play in how I act, how I talk, how I perceive and interact with the world, how I deal with stress and how I deal with relationships. All of these are governed by how my brain operates. And it operates the way it does because of the bipolar disorder.

Heck, it's not even just my brain and my personality affected by it. It has a big impact on my physical wellbeing as well. I definitely find that it influences my sleep patterns, my eating habits, my ability to work, and definitely my weight. It has meant that I have slept a lot (partly because of all the medications I take). It has links to what kinds of foods I crave and have to work to slow down in eating (I say while biting into another chocolate chip cookie as I write this). I'm receive disability benefits partly because of the difficulty I have had working because of this bipolar stuff.

I do wonder what my personality would be like if I didn't have bipolar disorder. But, the fact is, I do have it, and I will never know what it's like to not have it. I can know what it's like to have it under control. I can know what it's like to NOT have it under control. But I will never know what it is like not to have bipolar disorder. It's just like someone who does not have it. They can't understand what life is like with it.

Believe me, I'm not telling anyone else to take the same approach as I do on this subject. Like I said, I understand why people would say they aren't their diagnosis. And I support them on that. Each one of us deals with how we identify in a very different way. There is no right or wrong here, no valid or invalid. At least that is the way I see it.