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I am Anorexia

The dark voice of an eating disorder.

By Madeline KeysPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
4
(not my photo)

ED trigger warning...read with caution. This is only to show how an eating disorder like anorexia consumes one's mind.

Let me introduce myself, I am anorexia. I slowly began to make myself known. Want to start a diet? You'll have to know the numbers. You let me know you bit by bit until we are attached at the hip. I become you until you no longer are yourself. Your family and friends won't recognize you. Very soon you will no longer recognize yourself as you slowly disappear in black and white.

I give you false hope, the hope you will thrive on. For only a few minutes I praise you and lift you up, look how much better you are!...and then I tear you right back down. I throw you into a deep and dark pit, send you a rope, only to pull it up before you grab it and then laugh at your weakness. You are weak. You are worthless and never enough. You never will be enough. I always bring back some false little hope...you are so motivated, you can do this, just go a little bit further and then it'll be enough! But I lie, it is never enough.

Your life becomes meaningless, with no energy left, empty and gray. Blurry mind with skies of gray. Purple fingertips the only color you will see. You live for one thing alone, that feeling of satisfaction...the complete emptiness in your stomach. Your eyes get blurry and your heart aches and burns. You can feel every drop of water plop into your stomach as it echos, like the steady drop of rain.

I tell you what you can and cannot eat and I mock you even when you listen. You come to obey me because if you do not, I make you suffer. Your mind will never stop running at my commands. If only you could reach my goals, I taunt. You and I will become closer than all the rest of your loved ones. You no longer spend time with them. You promised me all your time...don't you love me the most? Your own mother looks you in the eyes and says she sees a stranger. I like that because you are me now.

And when you think you can escape in slumber, I wake you up to feel your hunger. But you chose this, I never forced you. Let me help, water will fill you. Emptiness echos and the sharp bones feel so good as you drift away into the nothing that you are.

Anorexia is a real medical condition and mental illness that plaques both male and female alike. It starts slowly through over-exercise, calorie counting, or dieting of some sort, and turns into a deadly lifestyle. It is not simply a way to lose weight, it becomes an addictive pattern of behaviors that give a false sense of control. If you or someone you know has signs of an eating disorder, like anorexia, don't be afraid to get help! It is possible to escape the darkness in your mind, but that only comes with letting people help you.

The National Eating Disorder Association Helpline aka NEDA is available for confidential conversations at: 1-800-931-2237.

Don't be alone in this!

I appreciate you taking time to read this. If you liked what you read please take a moment to like and share with friends and family. Also be sure to check out my profile to see more topics I've written on and if you're feeling generous my tips are always open. Thank you!

eating
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About the Creator

Madeline Keys

I'm just a writer trying to find her voice. I'm passionate about writing things I'm learning about and things I've experienced.

I hope you enjoy exploring my page!

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