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“How to Stay Sane in a Crazy World”

A story of recovery from Bpd without medication.

By Lauren OttewillPublished 5 years ago 6 min read
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Hi I’m Laurene Hope. In 2012 I came out of a Therapeutic community without a trace of Bpd after two years, where I learnt, how to sit with my pain and heal my childhood abuse issues with-out medication. Now if I can do it so can others. In the community I was reduced to feeling like a child again, through surrendering to the process. We had a validation bell, which you rang if and when you were triggered. The community and staff would then gather around and offer support. This would enable you to distract from your pain. The support could be a walk in the park or in my case some kind of chore to ground me. Bit by bit you were able to adjust. The community experience was a difficult one for me. I call it my own personal Holacaust as I’m Jewish. Like many others I couldn’t settle, due to my need to fight everything and everyone. I am also an ex war child who grew up in Israel.

However, at some point, I managed to have a huge awakening. This made me realise that my childhood abuse was not my fault. I was a child, an innocent, and my parents were the idiots that didn’t listen to me and kept sending me back to my abuser. So the minute that part of me was able to acknowledge the guilt and those feelings, that were holding me back, I was able to let go completely and experience 100 percent inner peace. Then the mental health issue disappeared never to return. Yes. I have the occasional breakdowns, but I have learnt techniques, which keep me sane.

I intend to teach these, through my work. My story of recovery is featured in the book Simply Amazing by Kc Armstrong. I am in chapter eight. Thank you for giving me the chance to tell some of it. In 2010 I went to see my doctor, as I was having breakdowns and rage attacks, on a daily basis. My mum had died, and I started to experience menopause. So I had lots of tests done with the local shrink. I was then given a diagnoses and a label.

"You have Bpd, or Border Line Personality Disorder," said the Doctor... I was confused and wanted to know what this meant. I had never heard of the condition before. So this is how I can explain it to anyone who would like some clarification. Do you remember Woolworths? We used to have them here in the Uk. In the past you could purchase lots of different types of sweets, Dolly mixtures, wine gums etc...well Bpd is a bit like that. A pick and mix of traits and conditions which, escalate at times of extreme stress. It was grief, in my case, the loss of my mother.

As I’ve been a writer, a musician, who has been composing music and songs from an early age, I have written a song. I believe we can use humour to lighten up a dire unwelcomed diagnosis: "A little bit of Agrophobia, a little bit of OCD, a dash of Claustraphobia, that’s Bpd, a little or a lot of Depression, laced with it’s all about me, Narcissism, a cup of Tourette’s Tourette’s Tourette’s... now what comes next? That’s Bpd Dum dum...

Verse 2: A little bit of Autism, a little bit of ADD or ADHD, a cup of Paranoia “You looking at me,” That's Bpd, then add in Schizoid tendencies and make it all about me—Narcissism, a spoon of manic states, got a lot on our plates, with a monkey brain that I cannot train, that’s Bpd, it’s all about me, that’s Bpd!

So that’s the easiest, most comical way, to describe this condition. The more modern name is "Complex Needs Disorder." I prefer that. Sometimes I go on the stage and perform my "one woman show." I always teach this song. It’s a great icebreaker. This silly song explains to the audience that actually, there is no mystery in this condition. I believe that it’s not actually a mental illness as such, rather a bunch of traits. Everyone to a certain extent, is walking around with some of them, due to extreme stress and pressure of the modern world. People often ask me, if it’s the same as Bipolar, as they don’t understand the difference between these. Actually it isn’t at all! You see with Bpd you are unlucky to have the traits of Bi polar. You can experience the black and white way of thinking and processing. But you are lucky enough, to not have the full blown issue.

That is why I believe, Bpd can be dealt with without the need for a lot of drugs. In my case non at all. In fact, I cannot see how, you can medicate all the different traits, as there are so many. We are all unique individuals, due to our upbringing, beliefs, cultural differences etc.. I was once told that I was insane, because I like to walk around barefoot on the path and grass. No, that is not madness, that is because I’m a hippy. I was brought up wild in a warm country and on sandy beaches. I love the sensation of my feet on the grass or the ground, this makes me happy. So I would like to call this condition PTSD. I believe, myself and a lot of people are shocked, not mentally ill. I also happen to be "a womb twin survivor," as I lost my sibling in the womb. Nine out of 10 women who have been diagnosed like myself, are too. So this needs to make us very wary of diagnosing people, regardless of their backgrounds, culture and past. Surely a child like myself, who experienced terror and abuse, is not mentally ill but shocked? Do you think we could help to release an unwarranted destructive stigma, by changing the approach? Perhaps we could adopt an open minded, constructive, healthy, compassionate way of thinking? I do! I hope through reading this, you can see my point.

Our job as humans in this society, is to take better care of our children. They need us to protect them from abuse and war. I was unfortunate to experience these and it has been a thorn in my side in so many ways. If we can remove the pressure off of the new generation that would be a great start. They are turning into, perfect little robots with the huge amount of technological input that they can’t keep up with. So let’s swap this around to sojourns in nature. They can learn to appreciate beauty and even hug a tree now and again. Perhaps this, will help them to calm down, to love themselves more. I can guarantee you less mental health issues will follow. I also feel, that we need to remove the pressure cooker of money worries, from society. I would like to see an alternative healthier compassionate system, based on bartering. In this system we can use our skills and talents. Too many innocent souls, are committing suicide these days, because they cannot deal with the the worry of paying debts or bills. And of course loneliness, a massive issue here, which needs to be dealt with. We can create more cohesive connected communities. Surely, an amazing race like us, with a powerful spirit that gets us through life, can find a better way to run our beautiful planet, with love and blessings. Thank you. I hope to be able to inform you soon, about some of the exciting techniques, that I have learned. These have kept me sane over the years.

You can read more about me.

Hope Glory Productions

If I believe Peace

recovery
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