How to Recognize the Mask of Smiling Depression

The news that Robin Williams, our beloved comedian and Academy Award-winning actor, had committed suicide shocked the world.

How could he take his own life? He brought so many smiles to people and warmed our hearts in his dramatic movie roles.

Robin Williams was hiding his depression from the world. While the rest of us could only see the smiles, behind closed doors he was deeply depressed. His depression worsened when he heard a medical report. He had an advanced form of Lewy Body disease, causing memory loss, paranoia and delusions. According to Robin’s wife Susan Schneider: “Robin was losing his mind and he was aware of it … He kept saying, ‘I just want to reboot my brain.’”

Depression was not something new for Robin. He suffered from depression for most of his life while keeping a smile and giving smiles to others. Finally, on August 11, 2014, he ended his own life.

He once said:

“All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are”. — Robin Williams

Other famous people who battle with depression include Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Michael Phelps, Kristen Bell, Bruce Springsteen, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ashley Judd, Naomi Judd, J. K. Rowling, Sheryl Crow, Buzz Aldrin, Wayne Brady, Jim Carrey, Abraham Lincoln.

That’s a long list, but these are only a few famous people that have spoken up about it in public. Many people who are not so famous also hide their depression from the outside world.

Do you know someone who smiles in front of people, but inside they’re depressed?

When I was young, my mother dealt with depression. When the phone rang, she would put on her smiling voice and answer the phone cheerfully. She hid her depression behind a smile.

Perhaps you, or someone you know, does the same thing?

What can we do to recognize smiling depression and help those who have it?

We will consider the answers to these questions:

1) How widespread is “smiling depression”?

2) How can you recognize it?

3) What can you do about it?

A serious problem

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that over 264 million people around the world have depression. Those are the ones they know about. But many people with “smiling depression” are so good at hiding it, even their friends and family don’t know.

Why is it important to know about smiling depression? Because you may have a friend or family member who secretly suffers from it. Or maybe it’s you, and you don’t have a word for what you’re experiencing.

Psychology Today compares smiling depression to wearing a mask.

“With their mask on, everything looks great, even at times perfect. However, underneath the mask, they are suffering from sadness, panic attacks, low self-esteem, insomnia, and, in some cases, suicidal thoughts.”

Smiling depression goes undetected, even among friends and family, because the person suffering from it shows no symptoms of depression to others. They may have a full-time job, run a household, enjoy sports and have an active social life. But behind the mask, they experience deep sadness, panic attacks, low self-esteem, and sometimes suicidal thoughts.

Smiling Depression is a term used by mental health professionals for people with a depressive disorder who hide their symptoms from others. The underlying disorder may vary from one person to the next. It may be a very serious depression, or something less serious. Either way, you can’t treat it if you can’t see it, and the only one who knows about it may be the one behind the mask.

How to recognize smiling depression

Smiling Depression is a hidden depression. It may have many of the same symptoms of classical depression, but the symptoms hide. They can hide even from the person who has smiling depression. That’s what makes it so hard to diagnose.

Here are some symptoms that define depression. These symptoms can hide behind a smile, so it’s important to communicate how we really feel with family or friends:

• Depressed mood
• Fatigue, lack of energy, or exhaustion
• Irritability or mood swings
• Anxiety or tendency to worry
• Suicidal thoughts or attempts
• Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or hopelessness
• Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
• Changes in appetite or weight
• Difficulty with concentration or deciding
• Sleep problems

Common risk factors

Life-changing events — such as a relationship break-up, loss of a job, death of a loved one. The COVID-19 pandemic has added to the risks.

Social media — Those who use social media want to look good, especially when they feel depressed inside. It’s easy to create an online persona of someone enjoying their life. No one will know how they really feel.

Self-image — A mismatch between our ideal self (who we want to be) and our self-image (who we think we are) causes incongruence. This can produce pain, both emotional and sometimes physical.

Unrealistic expectations — We may expect perfection from ourselves, or others may have high expectations of us. When it’s impossible to reach them, the resulting disappointment can be devastating.

What you can do

If you suspect that you or your friend may have depression, seek help from a professional. They can help prevent those feelings from getting worse, especially if your symptoms stay for any length of time.

Most of all, talk about it. Make it real by bringing it out in the open. Remove the mask that hides your genuine feelings.

Dwayne Johnson said this in an interview with The Express, a British newspaper:

“Took me a long time to realize it but the key is to not be afraid to open up. Especially us dudes have a tendency to keep it in. You’re not alone.”

Talking about it can help you process and understand your feelings better. It also allows friends and family to help with encouraging words when you’re not smiling.

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts or feelings, get help right away. Talk with a mental health professional or doctor. Sometimes a chemical imbalance or other health issues can contribute to the problem. Medication may help.

Take-away

After learning about “smiling depression”, I discovered that my mother’s way of coping with chronic emotional pain was not uncommon. Wearing a figurative mask to hide depression has become widespread today.

Here are 3 steps you can take to reduce your feelings of depression and help your friends.

1) Recognition. Examine your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself. If you are hiding your feelings, don’t hide them from yourself.

2) Communication. Talk to friends who love you, or talk to a medical professional. Remove the mask that hides your painful feelings.

3) Seek help. Maybe your health condition is contributing to the problem. A medical professional can examine you to see if medication or improved diet can help.

Meditate on thoughts of gratitude for what you have. Don’t ignore or hide from your feelings. Talk to your friends or family.

Illustration:

A smile can hide your feelings like a mask, or like a coat of paint.

Fresh paint on a damaged building does not repair the damage.

It’s better to take off the mask and do the repair.

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