How To Keep Going Through A Crisis

At times of crisis, it doesn’t matter how well regulated your emotions are, what your spiritual practice is, how often you meditate, dissociate from your emotions or think positively. It’s going to feel like life has knocked you onto your arse and is giving you a good kicking. Rest assured, you will find a strength that you didn’t know you had but I’m not going to pretend that it’s going to be easy.

The definition of crisis is a) the turning point for better or worse in an acute disease or fever, b) a paroxysmal attack of pain, distress or disordered function or c) an emotionally significant event or radical change of status in a person’s life (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crisis).

For the purposes of this article, we’re talking about c) emotionally significant events or changes of status in a person’s life. These can be anything from dealing with sudden illness or bereavement, traumatic events, sudden job loss or relationship breakups, or anything out of the ordinary that requires a significant amount of time, mental and emotional energy to figure out, get through and either resolve or stabilise.

Crises can be stand-alone events or the beginning of something longer-term and life-changing. So, you might return to this point a few times as events unfold.

Tried and Tested Ways of Making it Through A Crisis

Here are a few of my favourite tried and tested ways to get through trying times with your mental health relatively intact.

1) Cry. If you have a lot going on and you have to hold it together emotions will want to come out regardless, so cry. Cry into the washing up, cry in the shower, sob in stolen safe moments.

Crying helps to relieve the pressure. Let those tears fall, feel the grief and sadness and when they stop, wash your face, close your eyes, breathe and get back to the shitshow that life currently has running for you.

2) Tetris. I read somewhere recently that Tetris was a great game for some reason, so I downloaded it. They were right. In trying moments a few minutes of playing Tetris is a great way of switching off. Personally, I’d like an undo button so that I can change my moves as sometimes I build some very satisfying blocks up and then nothing will fit and it’s game over. Maybe I need a different type of game, maybe Minecraft.

3) Friends to vent to. Not to problem solve, but to hear you as you’re working through whatever is going on. You might not need advice or anyone saying ‘Hey! You’ve got this’ in fact you’re more likely to lose your shit in the face of false positivity when you’re dealing with something serious. There’s a time and a place for stuff like that and now isn’t it. You feel angry, you feel upset, you feel lost. you need a rock to hold onto and catch your breath while the waves of chaos hurl you around, and that rock is you, my friend.

4) Water. Drink plenty of it – you’ll need it with all of the crying you’ll be doing. Go for frequent showers, go swimming, dip your toes into the water, splash water on your face and let the water run over your wrists. Never underestimate the restorative power of water.

5) Turn stuff off. Electronics, music, everything you can if you’re feeling completely overwhelmed. Sometimes the slightest noise or interruption can feel like you’re being punched. If you need sound try a fan, white or brown noise. Honour your rawness and overwhelm and do whatever you need to form a barrier between you and the outside world.

6) Breathe. When you’re stressed out and in the middle of a crisis your breathing may be shallow. When you notice this take some deep breaths, feel your lungs fill, relax your shoulders from up around your neck, unclench your jaw and hands, do a few stretches, do a few more stretches because it feels really good, start to consider yoga, look up where there’s a class, wonder if you have any suitable clothes that fit and look halfway decent, stretch again, especially your feet and toes, wonder if you’ll ever be flexible again, get a cramp in your calf, yawn and get back to whatever you were doing, but in a calmer way.

7) Nature. Go out into nature. Whether that’s in your garden, walking in the countryside, sitting by or in the sea, laying on the grass opposite the bus station in the shade of the trees, looking at the plants growing by the side of the road, or visiting a garden centre. It doesn’t have to be ‘big’ nature to remind you that you’re part of something much larger and more connected.

8) Trust the process. Where you are now won’t be where you are in a few days. Most often the first few days of a crisis involve figuring out a lot of stuff. It’s emotionally trying and although you might feel that you’re walking on thin ice that’s cracking with every step and if it breaks then you’re crashing down onto the rocks below, what’s happening is something very different.

You’re trusting yourself and drawing on all of your reserves to solve a problem, find a different way or deal with something that you never wanted in your life.

You might not want to, but you’re doing it, you might be scared, but you’re doing it, you might piss off a lot of people, but you’re doing it. You might not know the outcome, but you’re doing it because you are not going to let this continue anymore. Life may become more complicated in the short term, but you’re doing it. You have no choice.

You’re doing it. It’s that energy that will keep you going and so all of the stuff that would normally stop you -, the ‘critical committee’ in your head, all of the conditioning you have that tells you that you can’t, your own beliefs about yourself – don’t get a look in. The energy of them seeps out in different ways though, through your tears, through the tenseness in your body, through your racing mind, through your anger.

It’s part of the process and releasing your emotions in a healthy way will help you to get through it.

The energy that’s driving you will keep you together as you also fall apart.

Putting on a brave face and holding in those emotions won’t help you. Although there may be occasions when your emotions do switch off so that you can get through the crisis. In these cases, there is no suppression as you are not feeling anything, there are no emotions to deal with, and there’s nothing to fight against.

If this happens, go with it.

Decompressing After a Crisis

Afterwards, when the crisis is over or paused you’ll need to give yourself a bit of time to come down from the heady mix of the chemicals and hormones that have been keeping your body and mind going.

The greatest gift that you can give yourself is the time and space that you need to decompress. What you’ve been feeling are normal reactions to an often prolonged stressful situation. Although the crisis is over or is stable for the moment, your body and mind will need time to regain their balance again.

Bear in mind that you may well have been dealing with something that you had no idea you could do. Your mind may need a little time to come to terms with this and to accommodate it – time to integrate.

During this time, don’t be surprised if you feel ok for while, then feel overwhelmed and upset again. It can take time to settle, and we can often feel aftershocks for some time afterwards. They will lessen and stop.

Some Strategies That May Help You to Decompress after a Crisis

1) Turn notifications off your phone, this is your time. Let people know if they’re likely to worry if you go awol.

2) What do you need? Quiet? Gentle movement? Music or not? Resting? Watch a film? Switch off? Go for a walk, run or swim? Deep breathing? Drift off and stare into space for a while? Talk to someone? A big cuddle? What kind of self-care soothes you and what do you need now?

3) Change your self-care as you need to. Music may be fine to start with, then it can jar so turn it off. If something stops being soothing, don’t continue to do it.

4) You’ll probably need to acknowledge how hard it’s been for you to work through this. Do it, don’t lie to yourself about your experience of it. If it was hard for you then it was hard, please don’t downplay it.

5) Don’t expect to be happy or relieved or anything. Feel what you feel. Our emotions can be unpredictable. These feelings will change and your perspective will change as you settle back to normal.

6) Get back into your routine as and when you’re ready. No pressure.

7) You may need to ask for help, ask for time off, and let people know that you need some downtime and not to disturb you. If you don’t have the time and space to decompress then you can put time aside to do it in your day – take 10 minutes here and there, do deep breathing, and drift off if you need to.

8) If this is a regular occurrence for you then it’s worthwhile to either start adjusting your life so that it happens less frequently, or make sure that you build in a decent amount of decompression time afterwards.

Crises happen to everyone at some point in your life and it’s important to remember that what you’re experiencing is normal. Finding your own coping mechanisms that will help to see you through is something that will happen naturally.

It is important to give yourself some downtime afterwards, if you don’t then burnout will soon become your friend and it will make you stop, whether you like it or not.

If you find that your coping mechanisms aren’t healthy and are making the situation worse, visit my website and subscribe to my newsletter for more articles and advice straight to your inbox.