How to End It

1. First thing first, why did you click on this link?

- What parts of yourself lead you to believe you don’t have the right to be here anymore? Is it your sensitivity, your forgiveness with the wrong people, or your ability to always see the good in people? Or is it your bitterness, and your apparent inability to forgive yourself for getting hurt again? Well, now’s the time to forgive yourself, you aren’t going to get anything more out of beating yourself up about it. Take some time to really think about this question. Write down your answer on a piece of paper. Explain how it explicitly means you no longer have a place here with us. It has to be at least a page, which should be no problem since it's so bad that you don't deserve to see things get better.

2. This is a big decision that you shouldn't be making by yourself. So, we need to establish who is going to help you kill yourself.

- Who wants to see you be happy, by any means necessary? Who has held your hand through the scary times AND the really good ones? Call them. Let them know what you’re going to do, and follow their advice - to the T. No matter what they say. Tell them the entirety of what you wrote down on your piece of paper from Step 1. Make sure you listen to everything they say in response, this is an extremely important step and it cannot be skipped if you want to be successful.

- Also, think who will be meeting you on the other side. You'll be seeing everyone that you love that left before you, and they're going to have a lot of questions about why you're there so early. What are you going to say to them?

3. Think about why you want this.

- What could your life be? Best case scenario, what’s going to be different? What will happen differently? How will you feel differently? The people you wanted to care but never did, they’ll suddenly care. Everyone that never apologized is suddenly sorry. People will only talk about the good things you did, a vast difference from how it is right now. But, let me tell you the biggest change - you won’t be here to see it. Every ‘change’ that you’re picturing: it won’t matter. You will never experience it. This perfect life you’ve pictured, won’t mean shit. So, keep that in mind.

4. If you've come to this decision because of a certain person or persons, think about it.

- Why do their opinions get to have such a strong hold on your life? Why does someone who lacks the capacity to respect you, get to determine your worth? I mean, they never took the time to truly know you. They might say they have, but the people who really know you are the ones that are still there. Maybe you're the one that cut them off, but now you feel like it was a mistake. Remember: You are allowed to drop people who are detrimental to your mental health, even if they say you aren’t. That’s the beautiful thing about this world, you can’t make people stay if they don’t want to. It is not that they are not good enough as a person, it’s that you both do not have a place in the other’s life. Please remember this. You cannot change anyone. They will not become what you want them to, and you will waste each other’s time trying to experience anything different. There is no such thing as loving someone enough to make them love you back. But you know what’s really cool? There’s people that do without you even having to ask them. They wake up in the morning loving you, and they go to bed that night still loving you.

5. Okay, onto actually doing it.

- First, have a full 24 hours where you do exactly what you want. No, it does not matter what other people will think. The right people are gonna stay by your side for this, I promise. Repeat after me: I am allowed to stand up for myself. So, get it all out. Tell them how they hurt you. Get it all off your chest. Then, remove them in whatever capacity you want. Block them, unfollow them, change their contact name to 15 puking emojis. It’s your day, the power is in your hands.

- Actually, it turns out it takes 21 days to form a habit. You’ve given so many negative habits a chance, what’s another one? 21 days. Take care of yourself for 21 full days. Be unapologetic in the ways you love yourself for three full weeks. Take care of yourself in all the ways you’ve thought you didn’t deserve, because fuck it. It’s your time. If it’s 21 days later and you’re still hurting? Well sometimes learning new things takes longer for some people, that’s okay. You just have to try it out for another 3 weeks, until it does become a habit. You owe it to yourself. Completely surround yourself with the ones that love you. Go get coffee with them. Make a point to reminisce on all the memories you have together. Since you have 3 weeks, you should make some more. It makes it more enjoyable. Stay up way too late. Life doesn’t pause at night, it’s okay to experience it sometimes. Listen every time they tell you they love you. It never gets old.

6. For the entire 3 weeks, set aside time to do what makes you happy, no matter how dumb it seems.

- If practicing dance moves in the mirror makes you happy, do that. Make dumb tik toks only you understand. Fuck it, go smell that flower you saw on your walk earlier. Life is too short to worry about others when your happiness is at stake. You’ve had no problem putting them first, what’s so different about you? Because you’ve been hurt? So have they, that’s why you stuck around for so long. Because you’re not as attractive as you wish you were? Who cares what you look like? Everyone you just thought of, their opinion of you sucks. It just sucks. You are so much more than how people see you on the outside. If someone sticks around for something as shallow and temporary looks, let them go. Doesn’t matter the history or the love you have for them. Because you loved them for more, and you know that. You wouldn’t have put up with everything if it was just for looks, and neither will they. You don’t deserve temporary people. Or is it because they just need someone to love them? Why wouldn’t you need that too?

7. Repeat steps 5 & 6.

8. Finally, don't.

- Nothing you have done deserves a life sentence. We have all made mistakes. We have all hurt people. It’s what you do after that matters. Bad people don’t worry about bettering themselves. It doesn’t even show up on their radar. So congrats - if you’re reading this, you’re already doing better than the people who made you feel like this was your only choice. You deserve to be here with everyone else. You are allowed to take up space in people’s lives, please know that. It feels like you aren’t sometimes, I know, but I promise you do. The way you view your friends? They view you in the same way. You’ve changed people’s entire worlds without even knowing it. And you'll continue doing it every day. Waiting it out is painful, I don't want to minimize that. And I don't believe in guilt tripping someone who is already down; but we really owe it to our loved ones to try. They see something in us that we don't see yet but we will. We'll love ourselves just like they do. We deserve to see that day. You deserve to experience everything you've been working so hard for.

Please reach out to someone if you need help. We would all rather stay on the phone, or at your house, for as long as you need than go to your funeral. My DMs are always open.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386

Crisis Textline: text HOME to 741741 (US)