How to Ask for Help

You say “I’m fine” and tell them you’re just tired; secretly though you hope they will call you out on your lies. You want them to pry, to push further and ask what’s really going on.

They never do. No one ever seems to notice how bad you really are.

They don’t realise you’re drowning, that taking every breath feels like running a marathon, and that you just can't seem to find enough energy to carry on. They can't see behind your fake smiles. They can't feel the pain you're in.

You wish they could see inside your head. You would never have to voice your feelings if they could just see them.

You know you need help but it’s too hard to ask for it. What would they think? How would you tell them? The thought of putting everything into words makes you cringe internally and you are too exhausted to start the conversation anyway. You keep your mouth firmly shut whilst your head pleads for help.

You trap yourself in a cage of words that are left unspoken.

I’ve been where you are. I know how you’re feeling. The tiredness. The anxiety. The fear. I know that you're quiet because it's too hard for you to speak.

Thinking of my own experiences with those emotions still scares me now. I came so close. I was surrounded by so many people but I just couldn’t reach out to them and tell them what was happening. I didn’t want them to worry about me.

I didn’t ask for help until it was almost too late.

The last thing I said to my partner before he fell asleep was “I’m not feeling myself.” It was my way of asking for help without using those words, but more often than not these hints are missed. I struggled to talk about it too and I almost died because of it.

I tried to commit suicide that night.

The next day I had to ask for help properly for the first time.

I was terrified and I know you probably are too. The important thing is that you talk to someone. There is nothing shameful about admitting that you are struggling, everyone struggles sometimes.

Speak to someone you trust. You could talk to a friend, or you could confide in a family member. It’s true they might struggle to understand to begin with but they do love you. They will want to make you feel better even if they don’t understand your illness.

Talking to your doctor would be a good idea. This is possibly the most important person to talk to. Any conversations you have with them are usually confidential (you can ask them to confirm this before you begin if you are worried). They will know how to help you and they will have spoken to lots of people who feel the way you do.

If saying the words are too hard you could write them down. Write down how you feel and that you are struggling. Ask for the help you need. Take this note to your doctors with you. It’s what I did when I couldn't face the words.

You can get through this. I know it's so hard right now and that you can't see a way out of this hole you are in, but I promise you all you need is help and support.

There is a way through this and you are already so brave and so strong. I'm so proud of you for getting this far and I want you to know that your journey isn't over yet.

Keep fighting. Always.