How Lockdown Improved my Mental Health

I've been suffering with anxiety and depression for most of my life, which I take medication to manage. The medication helps, but I still feel the effects of my mental illness and I’ve just accepted that these issues are here to stay. As with most sufferers of mental health ailments, I fluctuate, and have good and bad days/ weeks/ months depending on a variety of factors, and pre-lockdown I was concerned that months in isolation would make me hit an all-time low.

The opposite happened. I should preface this by making it clear that I was fortunate enough that even though I lost my job due to the pandemic I had family members that could offer financial support so I wasn’t too concerned about losing my flat or running out of food. But, I was alone. I was alone in my flat with limited funds, mental health issues, and the pressure of still needing to complete my MA coursework. There were certainly people worse off than me, but I was still worried about how I would cope.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, as is often the case for people with anxiety or depression (and probably other issues too, I am just talking about the ones I have experience with) then like me you have probably have times where you have wished more than anything for the world to just… stop. I was coming to the end of my studies, leaving the blanket of student-hood that had comforted me for the past 5 years. I had to make plans, find a job, think about the future in a way that was much closer and more pressing than it had ever been for me before. I was in a state of fear, panic, and anxiety. I had known it was coming, of course, but I don’t think I had yet accepted the change. I needed time.

The pandemic itself is entirely negative, I am by no means trying to romanticise Covid-19 and the suffering it has caused millions of people. But for me personally, with my position and privileges, I found lockdown was beneficial to me in a way I had never expected. The world had stopped. Aside from my remaining few pieces of coursework, all of my obligations had vanished. As an introvert with autism who found social interaction exhausting, quarantine was rejuvenating. Had I been concerned about finances, or needed to leave the safety of my home for work, I think I would have felt very differently about the situation, but I got to spend 3 months in my own company, at my own pace. I had never felt better.

I still had my coursework, but without having to fit it around my job I was able to take my time with it and spread it into smaller, more manageable bits that made it far easier to cope with. I was even able to still socially interact, through zoom and phone calls, and evidently this method of communication was sufficient for me. I spent 3 months taking time for myself, figuring out what I wanted and how I was going to get there, and I did it all with more energy and positivity than I knew I was capable of.

My situation has now changed. I am living with family which is not something that has been good for my mental health before, I am away from my university town where the majority of my friends are, and I’m beginning to look into finding myself some employment. I do not feel as invigorated as I did in my solitude, but the benefits that came from that break from reality still factor. I am able to handle the stress and anxiety that my family cause me far better, and am able to stay focused and motivated to work despite the negativity they give me.

I would never choose to have the world plagued by a horrible virus, and I realise that this time has been horrendous in multiple ways for the majority of people. I am lucky that lockdown was a positive experience for me, and will always be thankful for the silver linings I was blessed with in these unprecedented times.