How I've Coped

First of all, I would like to make it clear that "how I've coped" is not really all that accurate to address this topic. When it comes to mental health, I personally think that it is an ongoing "coping" situation. I guess the best way to describe this that I could think of would be that there are never-ending 'milestones.' There are milestones that I have reached and there are milestones that I still must reach and look forward to. Like physical health, our mental health is something that we need to take care of constantly.

During my struggles, the first step or I guess milestone that I achieved was admitting to myself that what was happening to me was something that I needed help with.

Personally, I found this difficult because for me, it felt like I was admitting defeat to my weakness. And more importantly, I was worried that people would think of me either as a crazy person or as someone fragile. I was very paranoid of what others would say if I did not appear to be what is considered 'normal.' So yes, when I realized that it's time for me to admit that I need help for myself, I took the next step: opening up to someone.

I found this to be the next milestone and a harder one at that. How do you even start the conversation? I was scared that if I told another person, they would just think that I was being the way that I was to get attention. But I was wrong. The first people that I told about my situation were my best friend and my sister.

When I told my best friend about me, I was able to open up to someone who sees me every day. Someone who sees how I am outside and was surprised to know what was happening inside. It was relieving to tell someone that I was friends with. She had respected my choice of telling her and did not share the information with anyone else. I may have been lucky with this one, and it was a very helpful step to take.

Next was my sister. I told her the extent of how I felt and things that I've thought of and done in order to make myself feel better or distract myself from what was happening. I didn't really have any expectations of how she would react, but she reacted way better than I could have asked for. She offered me her access to a therapist through work and eventually I took it, and this was the third milestone.

Seeing a therapist as a teenager isn't really something that you share with most people, or with anyone really. I saw a therapist that was located nowhere near my home or my school just so I would have the comfort of not running into anyone I knew.

On my first session, I remember coming 30 minutes early and just walking back and forth around the clinic. I was contemplating if I should proceed or not, I was doubting that it would help me and I was wondering if seeing a therapist meant I was close into being considered 'crazy.' Eventually, two minutes before my session, I was able to gather to courage that I needed and went in.

It was nothing like I had expected, not that I had so many expectations, but it was extremely helpful. It was just literally two people sitting across each other talking. I probably couldn’t start saying anything properly for about ten minutes or so but when I finally was able to start, I didn't stop. I cried, made jokes and felt a huge relief letting everything out.

Honestly, I only saw my therapist a few times, maybe less than ten sessions, but it was helpful. It may not work for anyone, but I think if you opened up and I mean really opened up about how you felt, it would help you maybe as much as it helped me, maybe more or less but it will help.

When I stopped seeing my therapist, I took her advice and started a diary. It's great, and up to this day, I still have a diary. It's good to have an outlet of your feelings. I can write my honest thoughts and feelings and just be able to let all of it out.

It would be good to say that after these milestones I didn't take a step back and I am now 100% okay, but I'm not going to lie. There were times where I took a few steps back, but the good thing is, now, I don't really go back to the very beginning from where I was.

I still have my struggles, my 'bad days,' but now, I am more capable of making myself feel better in a more healthy and positive way.

I hope that this experience that I've shared helps you. And most of all, always try to enjoy the little things.