How I remain productive while deeply depressed

During my fight with depression, I had days where I felt that life has pretty much stopped completely. I may go a couple of weeks without showering. without eating. My apartment becomes a flipping disaster and the list goes on. Sometimes I can not manage to motivate myself to walk and fill my bottle of water to hydrate myself.

I have been asked several times on how I am still capable of becoming productive at my studies and work, and many people could never guess that I suffer from depression, and honestly, the answer to the question is that I do not really know!

I honestly just do. I force myself. I force myself to stay awake. I force myself to sit up. I drag myself to the shower. I manage to put my clothes on just to leave a good impression. And this is not everything. I make my hair, and I put some perfume. I stand in the mirror getting ready and desperately avoid looking at my face because of the feeling of shame and hopelessness I hold deeply in my heart.

I am currently pursuing my graduate studies in a very competitive university and working two jobs to pay for my tuition and living expenses while fighting depression.

I often have a major break down when I am at school or at work and I explode crying without being seen by anyone because deep inside I know that I am fighting every day and every minute, but I also know that sometimes I just get tired, my heart and soul get tired and I can not prevent my tears from falling. However, I always end up reminding myself that I need the job, I need the money, I need my education and nobody will help me if I do not help myself.

The following list contains some things that give me a little relief and help my productivity:

• Making a to-do list: I would start by putting simple things such as watching my favorite TV show or drinking water.

• Exercise: Every time I put the gym clothes it takes me at least 40 minutes of inner discussion with myself to try to convince it to go and exercise. Exercise definitely helps!

• Talking to people I love and who love me and accept me the way I am, those who give me unconditional love is another dimension of peace.

• Going outside for a walk: it is a small move that has a lot of advantages on your body and brain because the fact that you are moving sends signals to your brain that you still alive and this is great.

• Resting without doing anything and just closing my eyes.

• Meditation: it definitely helps reduce anxiety and since I am fighting depression my brain is always living either in the past or the future. Meditation helps bring it back to the present moment.

• Keeping a journal: there are different types of journals that you can make: a mood journal, a letter to yourself, and others.

• Cleaning: Devoting 30 minutes every day to fix something in my room, usually I would spend these 30 minutes cleaning the room, organizing my things and getting rid of any craps I have.

• I try to not avoid the feelings, to not bury it -it’ll come back I know. Let the thoughts face you, they will turn into your friends soon.

• Staying away from all sorts of negativity, and by that, I mean every negative human being no matter who they are, they should remain away from me.

Depression is a serious illness this is true but it doesn’t define you. You learn how to live with it and manage it with time. You are so much more than your depression, never forget that. Finally, if you can, please look at your eyes in the mirror every morning, I am still not strong enough to do it, but I hope you manage to do this simple move because it will show that you are still alive and that you are worth living a fulfilling life.