How I Found Out I Have Aphantasia At The Age Of 52

Aphantasia, what does it mean?

Aphantasia is the inability to voluntarily create mental images in one's mind.[1]

I was 52 years of age. I was reading a book in the lounge room and my son and his girlfriend were also in the room doing their own thing.

Suddenly my son asks, “how do you spell Adidas?”

There was silence in the room, between my son and his girlfriend, but his girlfriend had closed her eyes. She then opens them and spells the word.

My son looks at her and asks, “what did you just do? Why did you close your eyes?”

She replies, “I pictured, in my head, the shoe box with the brand name on the side.”

My head whips up and I look at my son and he looks at me.

I respond, “what do you mean, you pictured it in your head?”

She replies, “exactly that. I imagined the picture and once I could see it in my mind, I could tell you how it was spelt.”

My son and I are speechless and confused. I could see the confusion on his face as I kept looking at him and I guess he could see the confusion on mine too.

I ask again, “sorry to repeat myself but did you really see a picture in your head?”

She replies, “yes of course, why?”

Well it was that very instance, I realised that I was different, I cannot see things in my mind, or my head. When I try it’s just black and I’ve always believed this to be normal. I believed, when someone said to picture something in your head, that this was just a figure of speech. I never dreamed that most people can actually do this.

It seems that I was not alone that day. My son, who was 22 years of age, was the same as me. Although he too, thought he was normal and picturing something in your head was a ‘common saying’ and nothing more.

I guess this would explain why I have a terrible sense of direction and I find visual meditation absolutely impossible.

Fifty two years it took me to learn that, in this sense, I was different.

To take it one step further, recently my sister asked me if I hear her voice in my head when I read a text message from her? I thought about it and said no it’s my voice I hear reading the message, why? She went on to explain that when she reads my text messages, she hears my voice, as if I was speaking to her.

Of course, I had to ask the question! “Sis, can you picture things in your mind?”

Her response, “yes vividly. I can picture your house in my mind, so vividly, that I can walk through each room as if I was actually there.”

Well it’s obvious she does not suffer from Aphantasia!

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Now I know I suffer from Aphantsia, I went looking for more information.

What is Aphanrasis?

It is the inability to form mental pictures in your head voluntarily. If you suffer from Aphantasia you would not be able to picture a person, scene, object or vivid memory, even if the picture, you are trying to see in your head, is about someone or something close to your heart.

For example, when I close my eyes and attempt to picture or imagine an image in my head, all I can see is blackness. No matter how hard I try or concentrate, I cannot change that blackness in anyway, shape or form.

The minimal research that has been conducted on this issue, suggests that people who have Aphantasia exhibit different brain patterns, when trying to picture in their head, than those who can form clear mental images.

Is there a cure?

There is currently no known cure for Aphantasia but there is also very little scientific studies conducted at this time. Therefore there may or may not be a cure further down the track.

It is a known fact that many people may never know that they are different and live a normal life without this knowledge. I was 52 years of age when I discovered I suffer from this condition and only found out then by sheer accident.

Is Aphantasia treatable?

Along the same lines as a possible cure, treatment is not yet known due to the limited studies completed.

Some studies have discovered that a person suffering from this condition, can still vividly dream while asleep. The difference being that dreaming is an involuntary action whereas picturing in your head is a voluntary action.

There is some suggestion that, playing memory games or picture recognition games, may help but I’ve tried on many occasions and found they have not helped me in any way.

Symptoms

The symptoms are the inability or severely limited ability to picture images in the mind.

Other symptoms may include less vivid memories; the inability to imagine future scenarios; poor sense of direction, as an internal image of local maps of well known areas cannot be pictured in the mind and the inability to draw from memory or picture the end result of a project.

What causes Aphantasia?

Aphantasia is either congenital and present from birth or due to a brain injury or trauma. This could be from an accident or due to a stroke, just to name a few possibilities.

Conclusion

Aphantasia has not been scientifically studied to any great degree and therefore there is very little known about this condition. Scientists do believe there are approximately 2.7% of the population that is affected. This is not a hard and fast figure as it is known that many people can go their entire lives without knowing that the term “picture in your head”, is actually more than just a saying.

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Originally posted on Medium