Psyche logo

How do you deal with being a "boring" introvert?

But is “boring” really a bad thing?

By BrianPublished 7 months ago 3 min read

I don’t “deal with it”, I embrace it. This is actually what I’m going for, I prefer a slow pace and like quiet and solitude and I make sure the people around me understand that.

If people think I’m latently exciting and just need to “come out of my shell” they’re going to keep trying to drag me out of my shell and that is definitely not the type of behaviour I want to encourage in the extroverts who always seem to gravitate towards me.

Socialising is just so draining.

I need small groups, the more and merrier, the more overwhelming. Too many people around me drains me physically and mentally, it’s exhausting trying to keep up with everything around me.

I need space to “recharge”, a few minutes of quiet, or to step outside for a bit. Without it, I’ll get flustered, burnt out and develop a debilitating headache that makes it difficult to maintain my composure.

And I really need long breaks between outings, I’m going to be exhausted mentally and physically the next day and I’m going to need a few days to find my centre again, especially if you’ve dragged me out to a massive gathering or a bar. I appreciate the invite, don’t get me wrong, but I can only manage once in a while.

I’m not a charity case, I’m not secretly trying to burst out of my bubble, I’m trying to reinforce the walls.

Introverts aren’t poor trapped souls that want to be more socially active but can’t find the motivation, they’re actually enjoying themselves when they’re by themselves.

I’m at my happiest alone, keeping my own company. This is where I feel the most free, have the most fun. I don’t have any social obligations or expectations to worry about, it’s the only time I can truly be myself.

And phone calls aren’t a better alternative, a phone call is a very abrupt social interaction that’s quite nerve-wracking. It can seriously throw me off kilter and leave me stressed and/or grumpy.

Extroverts, don’t go calling constantly, talking on the phone is more mentally draining than an impromptu visit, it’s anxiety inducing and your introvert friend is going to start ignoring your calls.

Use texts and don’t be spontaneous, introverts get defensive when you spring plans on them without warning. We need a little time to prepare ourselves, fortify our defences.

When people call me too often, I start “losing my phone” or “I didn’t realise it was still on silent” and if you get cute and call after a message, I’m gonna ignore your texts as well. It’s not clever, it’s just intrusive and I will take steps to avoid it.

I will make lame excuses and pretend I’m busy. Extroverts, please don’t force your introvert to do this, it’s going to ruin that fragile social bond so take the hint, these are signs that an introvert is burning out. Give them some room.

Remember, it’s may be “just a phone call” to you, but to an introvert, it’s an unplanned social interaction that you haven’t given them time to prepare for.

I try to present a boring personality so the people I meet don’t try to include me so much, and my circle of friends doesn’t grow beyond my ability to cope.

Which isn’t to say introverts don’t like to socialise, but we don’t necessarily need to either. Sometimes we do need a little push, but pushing too hard or too often will push us away.

Too many people equates to too many plans, visitors and expectations and I inevitably end up completely burnt out and pushing them all away because I’m not getting the time I need to ground myself.

Adapted from my Quora Answer


About the Creator


Doing my best to keep on keeping on. I’m a quiet guy with a quiet life and I like it that way.

I like spending time with my family, cooking, fantasy fiction, video games, anime and archery.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2023 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.