Hi, I'm Kendra, and I Have Bipolar Disorder!

I got out of a mental health hospital a week ago today. Now I’ll move forward with the most "interesting" things first AKA my diagnoses. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, Schizophrenic tendencies, PTSD, and OCD. Alright let’s delve into more about what this means for me and my life moving onward!

So, as mentioned, a week ago today I was released from an inpatient treatment facility for my struggles with my mental health. Should you know, I have been struggling for years, and didn’t realize until recently that I was crumbling like a gingerbread cookie more and more everyday. This experience was my first time being evaluated and coming to terms with the fact that my brain is literally different than that of a "normal" brain.

I was involuntarily put into a treatment program due to a manic episode that had me feeling Godlike. I believed everyone was out to get me, and I didn’t need help from others anyway. Alongside that ideology, I truly believed that I was going to be turned away from help because I didn’t have bags of money around. I currently work at a minimum wage job, and was still able to be admitted. I may owe someone money in a week from now, but investing in my mental health is one of the best things I have done... or was forced to do by my partner and family.

I’m no longer too proud to say that I really needed help, and those who helped me were truly AMAZING! I may not remember all of their names and faces, but like Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I got a psych evaluation, and was given medications and loads of resources to integrate into my day to day life in order to aid in keeping me healthy.

Being bipolar means that I will experience ups and downs like anyone else except that those highs and lows are intensified immensely. Something else that I’ve had to come to terms with also is that even though I have a treatment plan, and even though I will, without a doubt, only indulge in the things that will aid in my mental health journey, I will experience mania and depression regardless. I am not naive to this.

I woke up, immersed myself into my daily routine, and by 3 PM the depression hit me really hard. I guess I was surprised that I was feeling so low so soon after the hospital intake process. Maybe I had myself convinced that the blue and purple pills that I was swallowing every morning were the cure to all of my issues? I found myself sulking in remnants of a dark place. What was different this time than the past was the fact that I was aware of what was going on. Therefore, I was able to tap into the hidden coping skills that have been saving me from myself my entire life.

But on a less severe note, I finally feel equipped with the tools and resources to start living my life again! I finally have a clear enough head space to fully steamroll into my dreams in whatever way I see fit. And if you’re still reading this, thank you for reading my words, because you are aiding in this.

If there’s one little nugget that embodies all that I’m getting at it’s this: It’s okay not to be okay, and if you’re reading this, and are struggling please reach out for help as this too shall pass.

Take Care Now,

Kendra