Helicopter Parents

It is a natural phenomena for parents to be very invested and interested in their child’s activities. However some parents may seem overly paranoid and be toxic to their children. With parenthood comes such a huge responsibility that parents may start feeling inadequate. They may then overcompensate for these inadequacies by being helicopter parents. While all parents should take interest in their children, it should never come to the point where they take control of the child and live their own dreams through the child. As we should all understand, our parents suffered traumas from their parents and likewise their parents may have suffered as well. In short trauma bleeds through generations. This is a look at the toxic things helicopter parents put their children through.

1.They over-control their kids

Parents may force their children to take on more tasks then comfortable. The child may experience burn out and resentment. If it is conflicted with the child’s interest the child will then feel empty inside. Long lasting effects can lead to depression this is especially the case when parents are trying to get you on their side if they are in a toxic relationship. However it becomes pathological and they eventually demand complete loyalty and restrict social life. This leads into my next point

2. They disregard their child‘s boundaries

Everyone needs some alone time. A chance to recharge the emotional batteries. Many workplaces prohibit children to work with the parents as they recognize not only nepotism but the conflict of interest and restriction of boundaries. Parents may use the offspring as a dumping ground for frustration from failed relationships or endeavors. The child thus becomes overburdened and develops and unhealthy symbiotic bond and in future has difficulties maintaining relationships with healthy boundaries. It is imperative for parents to know that while they produced the offspring, they should allow for their personal growth and allow them to make mistakes so they can learn on their own. This leads to the next point

3. They are too critical towards their child

Parents may feel an overwhelming urge to raise a perfect child. They perceive any mistakes by the child to be a failure. Any success a child may have will be perceived as good but not good enough. The child may then feel nothing they do matters and develop into a perfectionist later in life. If the child disobeys the parent the consequences can be appalling to the child.

4. They refuse to understand their child‘s perspective

Some parents refuse to believe they can be wrong and refuse to allow a child to have a formulated opinion on something. Nothing the child says can be correct. Lasting effects can lead to several mental health issues in adulthood including but not limited to PTSD.

5. They manipulate their kids without even knowing it

Sometimes when a parent wants something it is done with a reward. This reward is usually monetary. If the child fails to do the task, they may withdraw a comforting behaviour that the child needs. Often this step involves guilt tripping children.

6. They give their child the silent treatment

Silent treatment may be the most toxic tool a parent can use. This neither resolves the initial issue or accomplishes anything. The authoritarian approach can leave the child feeling inadequate and have the individual feel vitriol to themselves. Parents who start feeling guilt towards using techniques like this may revert from being authoritarian to permissive.

7. They give into their child’s every demand

In severe cases this is what happens. The child will use a guilt trip on the parent and be given to every demand. When the child grows up they may never break free from this dependence.

In short parents need to let children learn from failures, give them boundaries so they can make meaningful choices and develop relationships.