Healing Yourself

Recently, I've seen innumerable posts on social media about self-care. What disturbs me is that they all suggest the same techniques. "If you are feeling overwhelmed, light a candle and take a bath." The posts report that we are all experiencing anxiety and depression "in these unprecedented times" and just need a homemade spa day to feel better. Go on a walk with your dog. Listen to some uplifting music. These social media self-help gurus suggest that mindfulness meditation will take care of the crushing stress I've been feeling for months now. The problem is... it doesn't work for me and it may not work for you.

A psychology degree has gone a long way in teaching me why a morning meditation won't stop my Jenga block brain from toppling over. However, even as a graduate student, I have barely scratched the surface of why we think and feel the way we do. What I do know is that human beings are much more complex than a bubble bath cure-all. Firstly, there can be a lot more going on than a "stressful job" or a "toxic relationship." Many people are struggling with complex mental illnesses or environmental barriers Secondly, treating every stressor as equal can do more harm than good. We wouldn't ask for the same level of care when having a heart attack as we would for seasonal allergies.

So how do we participate in effective self-healing?

I've found that most people already know the answer.

You are the person that knows you best. It's not @blondebeautyyoga who's going to fix you with the DIY face-mask recipe on her Instagram. Listen to yourself when it comes to dealing with the difficult things that you face internally. If you are struggling with a mental illness that has stopped you from functioning effectively, chances are that you've already had a conversation with yourself about going to therapy. Do it. If you feel exhausted from lack of sleep and being stuck inside, you've probably thought about talking to your doctor and going on walks. You know what you need, and if not, you probably know a professional that could help.

It's hard reaching out. You know what you need, but it's easier to look for a quick-fix than a therapist. Social media posts about self-care make it seem like we should be able to feel better by buying more house plants. Don't get me wrong, there are many benefits to following this advice. Some of it is even backed by psychology (plants in indoor spaces are proven to promote happiness). But having an arsenal of self-made-stress-bandaids won't help to process trauma. Looking inward is a journey that can be easier to depart on with someone coming along.

Therapy isn't always the answer. Sometimes taking up a hobby or reconnecting with friends will help more than anything. I wouldn't know, but you would. Resources are available to improve the way we all take care of ourselves. We have to drop the idea that a few minutes "all to ourselves" per day will not sustain us in the long term. Self-care is not always as effective as self-healing. There has to be a balance of both.

So light a candle, take a bath, go to therapy, buy a plant, seek medication, spend time in treatment, reach out for support, advocate for yourself, but don't listen to me. Listen to you.