Happiness: It's Up To You

For 8 years I've been depressed, attempted suicide 6 times, lost my faith, and constantly neglected myself. It started with the bullying. I was a nice girl, too nice. Stood on my tippy toes, cheered, sucked my thumb, sang proudly, and enjoyed learning. Apparently, that made me an easy target. Kids would hide my belongings from me, call me names that, to this day, I still don't know what it means, pull my hair, etc. Nobody ever helped me. I didn't have that really kind and brave student that would stand up for me like in the movies, and I was too ashamed to tell teachers.

At such a young age, I blamed myself for everything. I always thought it was something wrong with me. I thought I needed to change. I was so wrong, but I didn't know that at the time. I wasn't sure what about me made them not like me and that drove me to a breaking point. I kept my head down, let them walk all over me, and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. The bullying continued up into 8th grade, and my mindset stayed the same. I was really good at masking my insecurity. So good that I was able to convince myself I was happy.

Growing up in a black household, you can't really talk to your parents about depression. It's, "What can you be depressed about?" and they usually bring up bills. So you learn to cope with it your own ways: Cutting, smoking, drinking, sleeping, etc. I ended up doing them all, and let me tell you now, it only makes things worse. It's like putting a hot rag on a boil; it feels good for the moment but once you remove it, it hurts 10 times more.

It took me up until now, 2018, at the age of 16, to realize what I should've been doing all these years. It's not in order, because there is none, but here are some tips on reversing your depression.

Tip # 1: Accept that you are depressed.

Stop trying to pretend you're not. Understand that you are, even if you can not identify why. Which brings me to the next tip.

Tip # 2: Try to identify why.

TRY I said! It may not be just one reason. It could be multiple reasons. Identifying at least one reason is going to bring you far.

Tip # 3: Decide whether it is controllable.

Some things you cannot control. Accept that. Learn to live with it. *DISCLAIMER* THIS WILL NOT BE EASY!

Tip # 4: Control the ones you can.

Dump them, quit the job, pick up extra jobs. Whatever you can do to help your situation, do it. Stop doubting yourself. Don't ask "what if" because everyone's what if's are different. Do it, and if you fail, at least you tried.

*Here's where it loses order*

Tip # 5: Get your emotions out in a safe way.

Safe, meaning it doesn't bring harm to your or others lives. See a counselor. Talk to someone. And if telling someone doesn't help, draw, paint, make music, write, play a sport. You don't need to be good at it; remember this is for YOUR benefit.

Tip # 6: Find a new reason to smile.

The way I do it is I write it and add one to the list every day that wasn't there before. It can be simple stuff: "The sun is shining." "The world didn't end." "My dad woke up today." "I made it through yesterday."

Tip # 7: Find your OWN opinion on yourself.

Make sure you define you. You are who you say you are and anyone who disagrees can be kicked to the curb. If you don't like who you are, morph yourself into who you want to be.

Tip # 8: Think of the future.

The pain doesn't last forever. Not only should you fantasize about what it will be like, make it happen. Make the calls and write your future. It won't happen overnight but it WILL. I Promise.

Tip # 9: Cry. Scream.

LET IT OUT. Never hold it in. It is NOT weakness. Everyone cries. The ones that don't aren't gonna be happy.

Tip # 10: Say No To Drugs.

If you are using substances to make you happy, stop. Unless you have a chemical imbalance that causes your depression you don't even need anti-depressants.

These worked for me. If you are still experiencing extreme depression I highly recommend you seek serious help. I want you to get better. Nobody deserves to feel alone.

If you are experiencing a medical emergency, are in danger, or are feeling suicidal, call 911 immediately.

Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433

Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-621-HOPE (4673)

Crime Victims Hotline: 866-689-HELP (4357)

Rape, Sexual Assault & Incest Hotline: 212-227-3000

TDD phone number for all hotlines: 866-604-5350