Green Lights, Ufo's, and Strange Men
A Short Story of Addiction
Some days I wake up with a happy smile, but most days I look around and wonder where my life has gone. Today I realized that it was a mistake to go out and waste my life on stinky lounges. Hanging around the same smelly bars. The haziness of what goes on in my life is the new normal. Sometimes I think everything will be okay, but then I find myself lost in these clubs again. Why can’t I stop? Why do I go around thinking these places will fill the empty void in my life. Today, things change! I need to stop this madness. Last night was a blur and it was the breaking straw on the camel’s back... or was it the breaking straw that I used to snort all that stuff last night. It is all a blur. I cannot remember a thing. The last thing that I saw was a green light and other flashing colors.
Strangers come and go, but this guy was new. He was a random fellow sitting at the bar. I decided to approach him...“Hi, My name is Ramona, You are new here.”
His reply was the corniest ever. “My name is Arnold. I came here for a drink, but now I found gold.” I was blitzed out of my mind. I felt the vibe with this handsome stranger. OMG, I wish I had ignored those vibes.
I laughed a little, pretending to be interested, and then said, “I guess I must be the gold. Would you like to see the box that it comes with?”
Seriously, I don’t know why that stupid reply came out of my mouth. It was definitely the alcohol and cocaine setting in. I was already out of it when we started our conversation. One of the last things that I remember was his corny laugh when he handed me a drink.
He looked at me and said, “Cheers, I finally found my treasure!” We chugged and went to the dance floor.
I looked up and saw this shiny green light. It was brighter than all the others. I remember getting a little paranoid. The disco ball was a ufo and it was crashing into the bar. I was tripping hard and had no clue about my surroundings. I just kept dancing as my body began to feel, lighter than a feather. My eyes could barely stay open, yet they were bulging out of my sockets.
THE PHONE CALL
This night was one for the books. Not sure where I left my purse, how I got home, or who I was with. What I know is that I was shitfaced and someone had laid in bed with me. The evidence shows, we did things in between the sheets. I hate when this happens, but what pissed me off is the fact that I cannot remember who I was with. That is just a complete violation. I need to find out who he is. I am gonna call my bestie. Ramona picked up her phone and dialed. Her best friend answered.
With a voice of curioisity, I answered, “Hey, it’s me. What are you doing right now? Are you busy?”
“No, I was just about to come to check on you. I saw you last night at the club and you were wasted. Who was that guy you were with?”
Ramona was angry at her response. “You saw me with a guy and you didn’t stop me? I had no clue who he was, and today I woke up feeling guilty. I feel ashamed. I cannot believe I brought him back home with me. I don’t even remember what I was doing.”
Linda replied, “Ramona, I tried to pull you away, but you wouldn’t come with me. I’m sorry, but why do you always get bombed and do insane things. You do erratic things like taking strange pricks home. You have completely lost it!”
Ramona got upset and hung up on Linda. She felt remorse because she knew it was true. This was too many times that she blacked out. Normally Ramona would just drink strong coffee, fight off her hangover, call her dealer, and head right back to the liquor store. Today, however, she was riddled with shame. She could not get rid of the regret that she felt in her heart. Why did she let herself get deeply intoxicated? It was the worst feeling in the world. For the first time in her life, Ramona realized that she needed to get help.
Ramona decided to get dressed and find the nearest Narcotics Anonymous meeting, otherwise known as N.A. There were many times she was invited in the past by friends who had sobered up. They were people who knew her from all the places that she went. Ramona never went because up until last night, she felt like there was no problem. She thought that she had it all under control. Ramona saw her friend Sasha as she walked into a meeting.
Sasha walked up to her and said with her squeaky voice, “Hey girl, How are you? I am happy to see you here at a meeting. Is this your first time?”
“Yeah, I’m not even sure why I am here. I don’t know what I am doing? Maybe I should just go.”
Sasha said to her, “No, please stay. These meetings are refreshing to the soul. They take me to a safe place. I think you will feel relaxed once you hear the shares. You will know that you made it to the right place. Come on, let’s go sit.”
I don’t know why I decided to stay, but something was stirring in my heart to try this out. I think for the first time in my adult life, I needed to feel safe. I knew in my heart that it was time to sober up after last night’s green light madness. I was tired of all the things that were happening. Either apologizing, getting paranoid, or feeling guilty. I hated feeling empty inside. Every day was starting to feel hopeless. I decided to stay and see what this N.A. was all about. When the meeting was over, somehow, I felt different.
AFTER THE MEETING
Sasha looked over and asked her, “So..., how did you like the meeting?”
I was filled with joy. I replied, ”Oh my gosh, I loved it! I never realized how many other people have been through similar situations. What made me feel better, was hearing them talk about how much happier they are without the booze and drugs. I feel like I can totally do this!”
Sasha replied, “Wait,..slow down Ramona. This is not going to happen overnight. Getting sober is the hardest thing to do. You are going to have serious cravings and withdrawals. You might even need medication to help you with some of it. You have to be ready and you have to be willing. It is rewarding if you can make it through. It will be powerful.
I wasn’t sure if I could make it, but I knew I was ready. I had to make this change in my life. This was something that I was ready to do. I went home, and in the first few hours, I was already starting to feel some type of way. Sasha was right, this was not easy. It took a few days of shakes and nausea. It was the worst few days of my life. If I get over this, I will never go out again. I do not want that type of temptation in my life. This sucks!
Weeks passed and I want to go out again. One time won’t hurt. I’ve been good. I think I deserve one drink. Besides, I cut things off with my dealer. I won’t be holding any powder or pills. I can do this... I know I can... My mind was going through a battle. I was losing this war. I thought this would be easy but it's a sinking ship. Then suddenly, I decided to pick up the phone. I remembered there was a hotline that I could call if things got too tempting.
I called the 24/7 hotline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), and realized that my problems were deeper than realized. It was time to get the help that I needed. A few weeks of outpatient rehab and some therapy. It will be the only way to overcome the demons that are conflicting with my brain. This time, I am going to make sure that I can handle getting sober for good. No more green lights, ufos, and strange men. My thoughts are clean now... As the taxi drove away to take me to rehab, I looked back and knew that everything was going to be okay. Greater is the strength inside of me than of all the booze and pills in the world. My heart and mind are finally in sync together. This nightmare will soon be over!
My Disability Does Not Define My Capability. I have CFS and bipolar disorder therefore I write mostly mental illness stories for encouragement. Please show support to anyone with a mental illness. Leave me a Tip if you can. Thank You!!!