Going Through Life with Bipolar Disorder

I recently was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder in April.

I was in a mental hospital in the capital city. Only 45 minutes away from my home. I came in an ambulance from the emergency room in my hometown. I took the advice from my OBGYN nurse to go to the ER. I was feeling very overwhelmed, and just not me. When they told me I was going to go to a facility, I freaked out. I didn't want to go and that type of hospital scares me. I ran. I ran out of the hospital, straight to my car and went to a friend's house. My friend was watching my younger daughter, and my oldest was at school. I thought I had rights to refuse to go, but I didn't. The cops found me at the school picking up my oldest daughter. They took me back to the hospital and transferred me to the hospital 45 minutes away from home. I didn't know where I was. I just knew the name of the hospital. I spent a week there. The first day I didn't want to come out of my room. I just wanted to call my fiancee. It sucked. That same day, I talked to a nurse practitioner. He diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. How he explained it, I'm in the middle, between manic depression and very low (hardcore) depression. This was part of postpartum depression I was experiencing. Yes, you can have postpartum depression after having a baby (toddler) and being pregnant at the same time. I had a nurse tell me I couldn't and she just looked at me in disgust. She was terrible. I think she was having a bad day at the ER that day...

They put me on Latuda 40mg. Since I started, everything was going back to normal. I saw colors again. I started being myself again. It's strange how depression takes over you and your brain. I was seeing gray for a year and a half. I noticed the signs in January of this year. It was terrible. I was getting very impatient with my family. I was so secluded in my phone for the longest time. I didn't know I missed so much. I never wanted to take medication, but I had to to get better. To get better for my family. I don't remember too much about last year, only the bad times. I'll get to that in another entry. I never want to go through that again. I never want to be that person again. That person wasn't me.

I've come to terms that I have bipolar disorder. I've been going to therapy for a month now. It was the best decision I ever made for myself and my family. But I did it for myself. I wanted to be the person I was before this. That always laughing, fun-loving person.

Today I feel better than ever. I just want to say, don't be afraid to get help. If you notice something is wrong with you, mentally and emotionally, get help. Come to me if you want to talk. My email is always open, [email protected]. Let's talk about everything. From anger to sadness to happiness.