Found Again

The media that makes up me.

Found Again
And neuroscience is laughing in the corner.

For my Vocal Love More I’d like to submit a photo I found from tumblr, a video by Thom Yorke, and the social media account Tokyo Fashion.

The photo I would like to submit is a photo I found on my old tumblr. It depicts other scientists talking about the science previous to them. I like the image because it relates all these sciences in a way. It also sorts them from “imaginary” to real, meaning its grounding in the physical world or relating to the mind. I have a deep appreciation for science, all types. I think it is the most noble field you can choose, other than being an artist. I actually reposted it on my new tumblr trying to impress someone to look cool or smart. I used to spent countless hours on tumblr, not that’s necessarily a bad thing or it’s not like other people don’t do that as well, but I would say I did it in an unhealthy way. I would stay home from school, skip everyday, due to my crippling anxiety. I felt overtaken with emotion at that time in my life. It felt like animal crossing and tumblr were the only two things I thoroughly enjoyed and brought me some sort of solace.

I would like to thank science for the way we all live and I would like to thank art for helping me feel understood, alive, and touched. That brings me to the next media I choose, which is Atoms for Peace by Thom Yorke. It also relates to science by the title, and I think it’s a beautiful concept if all our atoms hold peace inside them. I remember the way I felt when I saw this video, I thought it was so beautiful. The DIY of it is charming and the way it displays the innocence of the children with the heart-wrenching song is a theme I’d like to use in my art as well. I felt so understood when I saw this. With lines like, “No more leaky holes in your brain, and no false starts. I want you to get out, and make it work.” Is something that really touches me because I have a problem functioning in life. Nevermind my desire to be famous, I need to be able to hold a job first. I am extremely sensitive (seems my teenage angst is going strong well into my 20’s) so whenever I have a job and someone tells me a mistake I’ve made, I cry and quit. I just walk out. This is a problem I later developed but still touched when I was young because feelings of being sad, more so depressed started emerging around this time. Also I felt the line, “So many lies, so feel the love come off of them,” related to me because I had a tough time with my parents growing up, and the lies they told me. So actually seeing the love in these false promises and things they were going through themselves, but the realization that they still loved me, was uplifting and poignantly beautiful.

For the social media account I chose Tokyo Fashion. I feel so good and warm inside when I see Japanese street fashion, it’s so fun and creative, I love it so much. It is always so innovative and never fails to impress me. I remember going on the website before they had an instagram everyday. I just couldn’t get enough. It was also around the time I was being a hermit, and isolating myself. A teacher once said to me something around the lines of developing myself. So when I gained this interest, no matter how inconsequential or silly it might seem, I felt like I gained something. A part of me that could say, “Hey, I like this.” It felt empowering.

The media I choose are all from some time ago. Although I do still love them, and have the same interests, I feel like I am always trying to return to my past self. I feel I went through some life-altering changes, and it was very overwhelming. I felt like I was having an episode from my mental illness and stupidly left my laptop out. Someone stole it and I was devastated. I lost my images and saved links. So when I find things or can remember what I used to love, I feel whole again and feel like she is not lost. I hope you enjoyed some media that I feel is vital to myself and felt touched as much as I did. Thank you.

Read next: Never In the Cover of Night
Kate Lestarchick
See all posts by Kate Lestarchick