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Fighting the War on Depression & Anxiety: My Story

A Journey Towards Control and Happiness

By Ian McGarvaPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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So let me set the scene.

A few years ago I wasn't the person I am today, I used to have really bad bouts of anger, nothing helped! It was if I had no mental control over my emotions which then meant having no control over my physical self.

I would break things in rage, destroy my own home, and then just curl up into the fetal position and just cry for hours, screaming at myself, it felt like somebody else was pulling the strings in my own head.

I had struggled as a child with behaviour issues but back then there wasn't really any behavioural diagnosis terms like we have today.

So, after my partner telling me to go to the doctors (which is great telling someone that who doesn't even like leaving the house) managing to persuade my mother they both took me to the doctors, which added to the anxiety as they literally had to raise their voices at the doctor just so she would listen (funny how she no longer works at the practice) after a good ten minutes or so, she finally sorted out my prescription for... yes you got it... Anti-Depressants! Which, even after a few weeks, seemed to have made things a little worse for me, I couldn't think straight at all and felt suppressed, like I was a blank canvas, an empty void, I had to go and see a psychiatrist which I wasn't looking forward towards, a lump in my throat and a cold sweat but I did it, a whole lot of jargon which meant nothing to me as he asked questions, from then on it got better...

I was reading up on different herbs and plants (as I like apothecary) and as bizarre as it sounds, blueberries have a natural anti-depressant quality and it works! I started by getting those small tubs from the local fruit and veg shop (as its all fresh and rather cheap) and I'd have about two to three of those a day for a few weeks. I wasn't the only one to see the difference either! I thought as I'm on a momentum roll I don't want to stop, so I ate more and more blueberries!

Living in an area of natural beauty I often walked up over the hills and pastures, looking at the wild plants, herbs and berries that grow naturally there, until one evening I just stood and stared...

It was mid-evening, the sun was setting as its golden rays sparkled off of the open plains and trees, I had missed the whole picture many times before by looking for other things that I enjoyed, I closed my eyes after a few minutes and just breathed in slow and deep. I felt relaxed, I actually felt worry free, like I was doing this, I had control! There is no better feeling than being able to control your own thoughts for the first time in years.

When I got back in I immediately started looking for meditation techniques and how to rid negative energy and to somehow keep that control, now see I was always sceptic about this kind of thing but I had this sudden rush of belief? It felt weirdly pleasing.

Meditation takes a while to get into, but I pushed harder as I know it would help, looking deeper and deeper into it and the culture behind it, I came across something titled 'Chi' which is the belief of that our bodies hold and produce energy, our Chi is our life force, but in so we can banish negativity from our bodies using this... My first thoughts when reading this? I thought it was the biggest load of mess but I gave it the benefit of the doubt as I'm a "seeing is believing" type, I meditated as usual but then focused on my "inner energies" as I listened to a guy talk me through it on YouTube (of all places) I felt it, like a strong magnet in weight on your hands, it happened so fast as I lost concentration because to be honest I was scared, I had never done this before and didn't expect it to even work!

It was then I realised that "I can do this."

I had learned a lot about myself through meditation and then this was the icing on the cake, something I would never of thought of doing or putting faith into actually changed my life...

So now even today I still meditate, listen to calming music (and yes I still eat blueberries), and I find it has suppressed my depression a lot and my anxiety.

Going from the darkest parts of your own uncontrollable mind... to finding a way to fight it and seeing the world for all its beauty.

I would recommend anyone who is fighting depression and anxiety to try this at least once, it changed my ways and perception on life for the best.

  • Eat Blueberries.
  • Meditate to some calm music or even your favourite music.
  • Take deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.
  • Practise Chi.
recovery
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About the Creator

Ian McGarva

Hi guys I'm 25 and love to play RPGs like D&D and Pathfinder, make RPG games (the old school type) and write fantasy fiction.

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