Feeling Lonely? Please Don't Ignore

I’d be lying if I said I’ve never felt lonely. But I have never been vocal with this feeling. Somehow we just don’t talk about it enough, maybe because society stigmatizes loneliness.

Saying I’m lonely often translates to I’m a loser. But if you endorse such feelings and think you are unique, let me break the news to you.

A survey conducted by IPSOS on March 21 found two in five people around you are lonely. Two in five people said they became lonelier in the last six months. 41% percent of the population today feels lonely.

So what are we doing about loneliness?

I am not sure about all, but a supermarket chain in the Netherlands is setting up chat checkouts instead of an auto checkout board. They plan to create special counters with human cashiers. These cashiers will interact with customers and have a small conversation, as shopkeepers used to, back in the day.

This is a brilliant idea because at least 33% of Dutch, above 75 years, say they feel lonely. And having a conversation is a great way to fix that.

Well, there are other ways to address the issue, and I will come to that later. But first, let’s address some basics loneliness stereotypes — a girl sitting at a corner in a party is not necessarily lonely, but one who has bouts of anger may be lonely; a person with just two friends may not be lonely, but a social media celebrity with more than a million followers maybe.

You cannot compartmentalize loneliness in black and white. It’s the lack of desired relationships. Humans want to love and be loved. We want fulfilling relationships, all of us with friends, family, parents, partners, and colleagues.

But often, there’s a gap between desired relationships and reality. And this is when loneliness enters our life.

How do you identify loneliness?

There is no definite answer, but let’s take a few examples:

You walk into a room full of familiar faces, but you cannot open your heart out to even one person sitting there.

You have a contact list full of friends, but there’s not a single one of them you would call when feeling anxious.

You walk into a cafeteria, and you’re not sure if there’s anyone we would like to sit next to.

These are some of the symptoms of loneliness.

We, humans, thrive on human connections, and loneliness is the lack of those connections. It affects each person’s behavior differently. Some people feel burnt out, while some people have self-doubt.

I have some examples from Japan.

Elders were found shoplifting in Japan. By the early 2000s, crime rates among the elderly had doubled compared to the previous decade. Experts thought the shoplifting was a result of dementia, but this was until they realized that loneliness was forcing elders to steal. Some elders wanted to be spoken to; they were desperate for conversation — a human contact. And that’s why they did what they did.

Then there are others who think that they have become invisible. Some of these older men and women are shoplifting because they believe no one is noticing them. This is how loneliness affects you mentally.

It also impacts your productivity. Loneliness costs the UK two and a half billion pounds per year in lost productivity and ill health. It costs the United States seven billion dollars every year.

Even governments have recognized the problem today. The UK and Japan have a Ministry of Loneliness; the UAE has a ministry of happiness. More countries are waking up to the problem of loneliness because it’s taking a toll on the economy and lives.

Loneliness also affects our health. It increases the risk of death by 26%; it also increases the risk of heart disease, strokes, high blood pressure, and dementia. It can also put a person at risk of depression.

In 2010, a psychology professor called Julianne Holt-Lunstad published a study that linked loneliness to morbidity. She concluded that loneliness is as bad for our health as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day and worse than obesity.

Let me share some numbers from the UK linked to the same IPSOS study. This is what it says; more than 59% of those above 85 in the UK live alone, 38% of those above 75 are alone, two-fifth of all older people say television is their main companion. Can you believe it?

Half a million people stay at least five to six days a week without seeing or speaking to anyone.

The pandemic has leveled loneliness across age groups. It has managed to cut off even the younger population. Like I mentioned, 41% of the world feels lonely.

It’s a silent pandemic, something we must address.

So, what do we do to avoid loneliness?

Start with yourself. The next time you think you’re feeling lonely, don’t immerse in it, talk about it, to try to overcome it, and here’s what you can do :

#1) Connect with people physically rather than virtually.

Connect with people in real life. Rethink how you spend your spare time. Instead of watching Netflix or scrolling through social media, go out and be social, take up group activities. Research suggests that even striking conversation with strangers can help.

#2) Try to initiate a conversation wherever possible

It may sound absurd but attempt to talk to people. Talk to the person serving you a coffee or sitting next to you at the cafe. It would make you feel less lonely.

#3) Spend on experiences rather than things

Studies suggest that spending on experiences rather than material things can help you feel better, so go camping, wine tasting, volunteering, do whatever you like. Don’t be afraid to reach out and seek help when you feel lonely, and also help others who need your support.

There are enough people out there who want to talk or to listen to you. An orphan in an orphanage is hungry for someone to listen to him, like a mom or a dad; the old lady in the nursing home wants someone to talk to, the homeless on the street need some encouragement. And there are many such avenues to explore.

The lonely pandemic calls for social connection, not isolation, so connect with people around you. Build meaningful relationships, spend more time making it real, not reel.

Come together to make the world a less lonely place.

Author's Note:

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References:

https://www.apa.org/research/action/speaking-of-psychology/lonely-world

https://www.ipsos.com/en-us/half-americans-surveyed-report-feeling-more-lonely

Original Story Source: My stories on Medium.