So, Today I just watched an movie 'American Psycho' for the very first time.
I started watching around 12:30 A.M. and it left me with questions, and I think that was suppose to be the intention of the movie. I haven't been able to sleep since and now it 7 in the morning.
But it was not so much the story that left me with questions, I mean sure it did, the entire story it was like, is it real? or not? and the ending I think left the most deepest impression, even so It made me question the actual blurriness with the reality.
The whole thing was roamed around, what was real? and what was not?
But suddenly I thought, what if nothing was real? I mean atleast the male performers.
Because through out the story he had friends, all had offices on the same floor, all had same occupation, and often they talk like they are a part of Patrick, the main lead, like they were his one of the personalities.
Like when the movie was ending, one of his friend was talking about the issue with the government, and another one was saying "I won't go anywhere unless we have reservation" and another was talking about how women should be treated in society, all of this can be seen throughout the movie, as a part of Patrick.
Even the guy who came onto him in the restroom as he tried to kill him, could be consider a narcissistic personality of him, representing how much he loves himself. I even think that the Allen Paul, the person he kills, is a personality of him in some sense and when he kill a part of himself at that moment, thing went down.
And all of this made me think, how we normal people also have that kind of sides to us. I mean sure, we are not as crazy as him, but all of us have thought once in our life.
" I wish that person just disappear." or " How did he get better than me? " even " It would have been better if that person didn't exist. "
And that exactly kind of thinking, when stuck, and not resolved, led to negative feeling, the unresolve greed, envy, and anger.
But I think just as Patrick our main lead of " American Psycho " choose to live among his friends, lets call the one talking about government as sloth, one talking about women as lust, and one with reservation issue as Pride.
He chose to live with them, and kills of the person with whom he felt anger, jealousy, which could have been interpreted as ambition or a goal, as I killed him because he had some thing that he thought he himself should have.
And just as we chose to live among them and kill them, it also save to say, or rather, it is accurate to say that we born them as well.
I am going to talk about someone in general now, taking that person as an example.
Let's first establish, that that person have achieved somethings in live which are not extraordinary but certainly are enough to boast about, but he/she is not some talented person, just work really hard, at a sacrifice of a fun time.
He/she have also faced situation where he/she was the lowest of the low and then that person was an outstanding person and then he/she was the lowest of low, again. But that is just because that person was dumb or rather average at young age, they worked hard, leveled up, meet people at higher level, and realize that after leveling up, people at that stage were normal being at that stage, and there are even more ladders to climb.
Anyway, while he/she was lowest of the low again, he/she was often told that " you are the most carefree of all " that person never let the being lowest of low affect themselves, and there is nobody who could make feel that way, even if he/she is actually at that position.
And they felt so frustrated hearing that, because obviously, they would feel like " What are you talking about? I feel bad being labeled as that. I don't want this. "
But what one would learned once raise the first time from the ditch was, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter, if one is considered the most talented, or the most stupidest. That changes nothing.
One would have to get up, do the thing that needs to be done.
I just never understood, what does showing that being lowest is affecting someone is going to do? What does crying about it, and showing the someone is sad or depressed will do?
Is it going to make feel better? Is it going to do the work for me? Is it going to make other see that person in bright light? The answer is NO.
I don't believe in being sad or depressed, sure one could feel frustrated, one could sometimes feel " What am I doing just existing, and not doing something to mark this world? "
One could also think, " How should leave this situation? ", " What things I can do?", " What thing I can change?"
And sometimes one could have answers, most of the time they don't.
But keep trying is the most important part. Even If a person level up by one and do it continuously, someday it will go beyond to what one could only hope to see, because, Zero multiply by infinite is still a zero, right?
So, all the emotions is just a illusion, I consider it just a bunch of energy that sometimes you have less, sometimes you have too much, but directing it in a right way, in right place, is what is the most important thing.
You chose to feel things, your mind does that, like even if we know that listening to happy song will let us feel happy, we tend to listen to heartbroken song, because tend to make us surface our old memories, the feeling of that time, but that is topic for another story.