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Everything’s Going Well in Your Life but You Feel Miserable. Here’s Why

I’ve finally cracked the mystery.

By Auriane AlixPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
Top Story - November 2021
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Photo by maram atef on Unsplash

Yesterday was objectively a good day. I woke up naturally at 7:30 am, read with my first cup of coffee of the day, meditated, journaled, wrote just over 1,000 words for my book, wrote a post for Medium, and found out that one of my articles was getting more views than usual. Then I had lunch, took a short nap, tackled some freelance deadlines, and celebrated the end of my day reading in the grass while sipping a ginger beer in the Buttes-Chaumont park. Finally, my girlfriend came home from work and we spent the evening together.

Except that from the moment, my workday was over, I felt bad. Sad. Miserable. Empty. Like nothing had a purpose and my life was an endless boring cycle (not true).

Yesterday, I blamed it on working remotely, alone and in a small apartment. The day before, it was something else. Honestly, I was extremely frustrated and tired of feeling miserable when my life was so great. I slept on it, and I found the solution by writing in my journal this morning.

The answer took shape before my eyes

Journaling is powerful. It’s a direct connection between your mind and the paper. The real you flows freely down your arm and wrist to the pen, which then traces the truth before your eyes, unfiltered. Here is the first sentence I wrote this morning:

“Perhaps (surely) the source of my unhappiness is that I think too much. I regularly slip into my head and double lock myself in there. My brain circles around everything that can be seen in a negative light in my life, just to have something to grind on.”

I feel unhappy because I think too much. My mind is not busy and disciplined enough. It was busy all day with work, which is why the overwhelming feelings crept on me as soon as I was done: my mind was suddenly idle and didn’t know what to do with itself. So it tried to find something to do, which ended up rehashing things, putting them before my eyes in a negative light, when there is really nothing to worry about in my life.

“The idle mind is the devil’s workshop”

“The average person has about 48.6 thoughts per minute […]. That adds up to a total of 70,000 thoughts per day.” — Reference

It’s no wonder that being idle with an undisciplined mind can be terrible for your mental health. In his book “Deep Work”, Cal Newport talks about this idleness, quoting Winifred Gallagher, freelance journalist, science writer, and editor:

“The idle mind is the devil’s workshop. When you lose focus, your mind tends to fix on what could be wrong with your life instead of what’s right.”

It’s exactly what I’ve been experiencing lately. And you’re probably doing the same thing. Your brain is inactive, it wants something to do because it’s not trained enough to stay calmly focused on its environment, that skill is not yet strong enough to withstand the 48.6 thoughts per minute, so it climbs on the first one that comes along.

Why negative thoughts? Because it gives it something to work on. Something to solve. Like a puzzle. A goal, that stimulates it. Whereas positive thoughts do not stimulate it. It can only smile at them and move on.

“According to psychologist Rick Hanson, author of Hardwiring Happiness, our brains are wired to scout for the bad stuff — as he puts it, the brain is like Velcro for negative experience and Teflon for positive ones. The brain is constantly scanning for threats — which of course was in our favor as we evolved — and when it finds one, it isolates and fixates on the threat, sometimes losing sight of the big picture.” — Huffpost

Okay, our brains are wired that way. Let’s see what we can do about that now.

Distract your mind and/or train it

“To stop falling into this unpleasant state cyclically, I have to stop thinking too much. I feel great and see everything in a very positive light when I’m exercising, around people, going out, busy…” , I wrote in my journal.

The question of distractions

I have trouble with the idea of distraction. I don’t want to take my attention away from reality, I want to feel it all around me! I used to think that distraction was a way to numb yourself. A shortcut. But now I understand its role and importance.

When you distract your mind, you focus on something else, something you choose, something that keeps your mind from racing toward negative thoughts. That’s the point of it. My favorite ways to distract myself are reading, watching TV shows, taking walks, spending time with loved ones, eating out, exercising, and cooking.

In a word: do things.

Meditate (for this reason)

I have found that the purpose of meditation is to train the mind to recognize the appearance of thoughts so as to let them pass, all while staying in the present moment. It is the art of bringing the mind to rest.

As you meditate, many thoughts will arise. Think of them as weights at the gym: each thought you let go of is an additional repetition that will strengthen your mind. Over time, you’ll sense when you’re starting to think too much, and you’ll be able to let thoughts go and keep your mind clear.

Cultivate gratitude

Whether you journal every morning about the positive things in your life or mentally make a list of three positive things that happened to you today before you go to sleep, try to remind yourself of all the good things in your life on a daily basis. This will train you to recognize all the positive, wonderful aspects of your life, and it’s crucial. Because what’s the point of crafting a good life if not to appreciate it?

“Who you are, what you think, feel, and do, what you love — is the sum of what you focus on” — Winifred Gallagher

In a nutshell:

  • Make sure your mind is sufficiently occupied;
  • Train it to recognize negative thoughts and not catch them;
  • Take time to see and appreciate all the positive things in your life.

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