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Ever Feel So Stressed When Someone Doesn’t Text Back?

Heart racing baboom baboom

By Sadie ColucciPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
3
Texting 🧠 ugh!!?!???

Sometimes there is no worse feeling to someone who has ocd or anxiety than writing ✍️ a text to someone and waiting for a response back. It’s like watching a pot that never boils or hearing every tick on a watch yet not moving anywhere.

For me, the amount of stress I incur on a text I send while waiting for a response depends on the individual whom I texted. I’ve found over the years that for me, a person with the comorbidity of ocd and anxiety, the level of stress fluctuates on the person as well as the last time I heard from them.

My spouse for instance, if I don’t hear from her and I know she left work, I get anxious and my heart races with bad thoughts that something happened to her if she doesn’t respond. My brain immediately goes into panic mode and I have to try to trick my brain into knowing she’s ok. It’s a difficult task to accomplish.

If it’s my best friend whom I texted I get a whole different kind of anxious while waiting for a response. My anxiety and stress don’t manifest from fear of her being hurt or injured but rather my anxiety and brain automatically think “did I say something to offend her?” “Is she mad at me?” We were extremely close for the first 5 years of our friendship and there were days we sent hundreds of texts back and forth each day and we never went a day without talking in some form. One day about two years ago it was like a switch clicked in her brain and all her mannerisms and attitude toward me changed. We started talking less frequently and joking less. She started to say I was overwhelming, mind you my ocd hadn’t changed since I met her. So I went to therapy for my ocd and for the first time in my life I was happy and felt free. Therapy was the best thing that I did for myself. So fast forward a year later, we still texted and spoke but lost the close relationship we once had. Although my ocd was under control she had changed also in different ways. I can be fine And not text her for a week with absolutely no anxiety and then the second I text her a simple hello it’s like bam 💥 I get hit in the face by a pan and the anxiety starts while waiting for a response. It doesn’t calm down until I get one, so although my anxiety and ocd have been almost cured; my nerves with her are prominent and present. Is it fear of not being good enough for her? Is it the idea that she doesn’t care for me anymore? So much runs through my mind. There’s no love interest there whatsoever. She is just my best friend. Sadly, the changes she’s made, the boundaries she’s created and her lackluster way of responding has made me question myself and my worth. I know she cares for me deep down but that doesn’t help waiting days for a response.

My other close friend Tom who I’ve been close with for about the same time as Nicole above; is a whole different story and dynamic. I never have to worry about offending him or reading into his texts as if I did something wrong. Sometimes I text him and don’t hear from him for a week yet there is zero anxiety present in me. I am confident in our friendship and know in my brain And heart that he’s busy and will answer when he can. Sure enough, he calls me randomly and we talk for hours effortlessly; with laughter, jokes and joy. Our friendship never had any insecurities involved on either side. We both have always accepted each other for who we are and even make fun of each other. The dynamic of feeling equal with him allows me to be comfortable with myself and not put up a wall or fear he’s not responding because he doesn’t care. I am glad that although we both have anxiety, it’s definitely not with each other.

When I’m texting a random acquaintance there is no expectation behind it therefore no anxiety stems from the text. When there’s no feelings behind texting someone it’s easy to just text and go on with my day.

There are many different situations in life that can cause stress when texting is involved. I feel the anxiety and ocd play a small part in my stress but I have learned over time it is based on an individual basis. The level of stress caused depends on how comfortable you are with your friendship or relationship with that person. If you doubt your worth or where you fit in in their life you are more likely to be stressed and worry; however if you are confident and comfortable in the friendship and feel like equals you are more than likely to have. I stress present. In today’s society we rely heavily on texting as it’s become the norm, a quick way to reach out to someone and that’s ultimately what it should be in the end. A nice way to say hello and convey a quick message of importance or happiness without stress. The goal is to alleviate all the areas of possible and become as confident as possible otherwise you have to reevaluate why no response back causes so much anxiety.

anxiety
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About the Creator

Sadie Colucci

I’m 41 years old. I graduated with a degree in psychology and work with children and adults on the autism spectrum. I love reading, writing, poetry, singing, dance and learning.

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