Enough

Enough

Am I enough? This is a question that rings in our heads throughout the day. Whether it runs through our minds consciously or subconsciously. It runs while we have thoughts to ourselves. It runs when we are in our time of work, play, education, leisure, and even silence. Pending our current circumstances, it can perceptively swing as steadily or consistently as a pendulum. In our moments of high achievements we say, “Yes, I am definitely enough!” We say this with such confidence that we enter an achievement high. A high like no substance or thing can give us. In these moments of high achievements where we walk tall, speak in true confidence, teach with intention, and give with a certain kindness that is pure. Nothing can touch us. We enter a state that is so grand we even set goals based on this feeling. I believe we all have had a time or another where we entered this euphoric state. We stand in confidence looking outward over our lives as if we are on top of a mountain looking down over the city of our life and the choices we have made thus far. It is in this moment we cast light over our lives that blankets the belief that in our lives enough is actually enough. Standing there proud, confident, and sure of ourselves, this is how we are meant to be. This is what life is supposed to be made of, the happy moments.

We are supposed to live life in a way where shame, guilt, hurt, sadness, lies, manipulation, and hatred are nothing more than the gnats that swirl around our heads on our hike up to the mountaintop of success. The gnats that we repel away from us by spraying ourselves down with bug spray. The gnats are there to obstruct our point of view. Sometimes these gnats evolve into flies and those flies evolve into horseflies. Horseflies, see these guys, they bite and they bite hard. They certainly bite hard enough for you to physically respond. However, no bug will be able to affect us, as long as we adequately prepare ourselves for the hike. Down to the type of clothes we wear, the food we pack to sustain us through the hike, water, first-aid kit, and much more. The point of all of this is to say how you pack your backpack, how you prepare, this my friend is up to you. Who you choose to go on the hike with, is your buddy. The buddy system works, think about it. Does anyone climb Mt Everest alone? Of course not. But they do choose someone that they would trust with their life. So while you’re on your own hike, on your own mountain that life has given you to climb, you too need to pick someone that you know for a surety, will catch you if you fall. You wouldn’t pick just a random stranger to be your buddy, would you? Or would you pick someone who, maybe, has made the climb before? Someone who knows the path, though, lets you lead so you gain your confidence and learn for yourself. They are still with you, guiding you. Not to say that you always have to pick someone who has walked the path that you want to walk. Maybe you find someone, during your hike. As we all know, you always run into a few people when you hike a trail or mountain. You nod and smile at some, while there are others that you may stop and talk with. Or maybe there are some people whose trail intersects with yours and they are with you for a while. You learn from them while simultaneously you’re teaching them something as well. Then your paths part ways and you don’t stop at the crossroads, but you march on with an air of nostalgia about them and the time you are so grateful to have spent with them. It’s beautiful, the fresh air, the cracking of the twigs beneath your feet, the rustling of the bushes, and the crunching of leaves. You just take it all in with one deep breath, inhaling the beauty, exhaling the hurt and pain as if it never existed. Gratitude rings through and you shed a tear or two and wish them well, even though you said your goodbyes miles ago. Where some people come and go, maybe, just maybe one day you find someone with whom you love. Their path is running close to yours. So close you can almost touch one another. Parallel your trails follow each other, taking random twists and turns where you become closer and farther away from each other. You always can see each other, you may not always be able to touch each other, but you can always root each other on and know that if you wander off you have someone to call out to who can help you. As the journey continues, one of you may wander off and get lost for a time. Or you could start to create your own trail together where you find your way to the top together. This may require you to change your goals. Think of it as you evolved, so your goals had to as well. They may not be the same ones you had when you graduated high school or college, or when you moved out of your parent’s house for the first time. But just like you evolved, so did your goals. You didn’t give things up for the other person, no. You and your goals evolved to a new high that created a bright future for both of you. So it’s important to choose your trail guide carefully. It’s important to pick people whom you trust with your life to journey beside you. The stakes are too high in life for you to be careless with your hiking companion. You don’t want someone who will discourage you from finishing and turning back. You don’t want someone who is going to tell you that you can’t do it and it’s too hard why even try. So pick carefully, this matters. This choice matters, because whom you choose will be the voice you chose to tell you how much you matter and if you’re enough for them, the journey, and the effort.

If we adequately prepare beforehand and we choose to love, compassion, honesty, integrity, vulnerability (courage) then confidence, surety, and joy will shine brightly in our lives telling each and every one of us that we are worthy and that we are enough for anything and anyone. Life will lend plenty of opportunity for quicksand, pitfalls, mudslides, and avalanches. Life will send bobcats, leopards, honey badgers (they don’t give a sh!t), snakes, and who knows perhaps bigfoot can come along. But life will send all sorts of creatures and other hikers to test our resilience, integrity, and our very character. These challenges will help us to build and create a life for ourselves we are proud of. In some ways, maybe even in every way will help our character to evolve to give us a broader perspective to provide confidence that people identify with when they think of us. These moments and challenges make us into who we are. So what kind of trailblazer do you want to be? What will be at the top of your mountain? Honestly, it doesn’t matter what is at the top, because no matter what, the view at the top of that mountain will be like nothing you’ve ever seen and it will bring you the most peace and joy in your life. Because the people who stand there at the top with you, they made it. You were enough to yourself that you attracted people who showed you that you were enough. So there was this signal that you sent out, that said “I Am worthy, lovable, kind, generous, confident, pure, honest, vulnerable, and joyful. This makes me happy. I am enough for me, alone. I want people to share this feeling with.” You will attract those same people. Just be aware of the Others. The Others hide in the peripherals and can distract you if you listen too much. Give you the equipment you don’t need, or make things more challenging.

The Others show up when you don’t expect it. When you are standing there on the edge of the mountain looking outward at the view, a lookout stand. Basking in your past achievements until someone comes up and stands in our peripheral view. They stand far back enough where you can’t see who or what they are, but you can see enough to be able to tell that someone or something is standing there. They deter, distract, disrupt and introduce us to their dear friend, Chaos. They say that we look like we are squinting and hold out a pair of sunglasses and tell us that we will be able to see our life and the beauty with more clarity. The Others and Chaos tell us we will be able to see our lives wholly for everything it is and has been. So we put them on and now our light is dimmer. The colors of the city lights and the trees aren’t as vivid. Everything seemingly has life but is perceived as stagnant energy. Like it’s just there, without emotion, without purpose. The things said, actions committed, and things we didn’t want to think about, you know, the hurt. You can see all that clearly now. All the pain, mistakes, and hurt. All the tears shed, the moments of rage, the awful things said and the people we lied to over things we shouldn’t have lied about. The things that if we had spoken up sooner rather than buried what we thought, how we felt, and what we did beneath the surface. Under the surface, all of that festered and created disease in our life. It’s the cut we got during the hike on our trail up the mountain. The cut that we believed had healed fully. Well, I’m sorry to tell you, but it didn’t heal properly.

See, when you get a cut what do you do? You clean it out, maybe put some hydrogen peroxide on it, pat it dry, put some kind of covering over it and apply a little bit of pressure. Maybe you even put some antibiotic ointment on it. But you leave the bandage on to protect it, to hide it. For something to heal properly you have to let it breathe. You have to air it out or it will get infected or not heal fully. Letting it breathe is like letting your emotions air out. You may still get a scar that always reminds you of this moment, other times it may heal and you can’t even tell that anything happened. But depending on the injury and your healing process, it will affect you one way or another. Just like babies, cry and scream and holler when they are hurt or upset, adults need to do that too. Those negative feelings or the pain need to be expressed emotionally too. The only way to properly heal and to let go, is you have to take care of the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual injury no matter the affliction. If you don’t, and you only bury them, or cover them up in fear of being perceived as weak, then you will get nowhere. Expressing yourself emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually is important for all of us to do. You don’t have to try to convince anyone to share your opinion, your side, or your opinion. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but just because you have an opinion, doesn’t mean everyone has to conform to your point of view. Just respect the differences and enjoy learning from a different point of view. When you do this you broaden your view on the world, circumstance, and gratitude for the things you have. So air it out, let the negative emotions be expressed so we can get back to the happy moments life is constantly trying to give you. This is why it's important to have someone walking with you. They will be the ones to say, “Hey, your sunglasses are dirty. Why are you dimming your view?” Take them off and enjoy the beauty life is showing.” Then you take off the sunglasses and realize they were just dirty, and yes, you saw everything for what it was. That doesn’t mean we have to keep the sunglasses on permanently.

Smile, because you are lovable, pretty, handsome, smart, adequate, capable, caring, compassionate, talented, pure, honest, charitable, careful, sure, chase, virtuous, brave, vulnerable, worthy, and most of all Enough. I am enjoying living a life that is full of peace and happiness. I tell myself this every day, right when I wake up. This keeps me on my trail. I may stumble, I may even fall down sometimes. I’ve met some beautiful, smart, and compassionate hikers on my journey. I love every one of them even if they aren’t in my life any longer. I do look back and smile at the good times, but my life must go on, just like yours must go on. So, in your brightest days or even in the darkest of nights, tell yourself that you are enough. Because you are, and anyone that tells you otherwise is only telling you how they feel about themselves. When we have these interactions with people like this, take the time to say hello, or choose to show them that they care enough to listen. We all want to be listened to. We all want to be worthy. We all want to be enough. So let’s start by telling ourselves that we are enough and act and teach each other as if they are enough too. If you gave all you could, if you have done your best, then let the past finally lay to rest.