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Elbow Pasta Spaghetti

The best part is not knowing

By SouluminosityPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
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Elbow Pasta Spaghetti
Photo by Krists Luhaers on Unsplash

Sometimes, this feels really really hard.

Constant decision making is such a drag. I feel like I'm flying a plane with no aviation training, no license, no peanuts for my flight. I'm running on empty half the time trying to convince myself that guidelines are boring anyway. I'll figure out this adult stuff myself. Isn't not knowing the best part? My hands shake from my fifth cup of coffee as I think this.

I wonder why I'm trying so hard. Why does it matter anyway? Am I making the right choices? Should I choose another path? Don't all paths lead to the same place anyway? Oh no is that my car getting impounded because I was too late on my payments?!

Meaning of life slips through my palms like velvet sometimes. But isn't not knowing the best part? You get to live in chaos because nothing even matters. Who cares if I dye my hair pink, marry a man on the other side of the world, pierce every part of my body, become a nomad?

I normally get these thoughts before a new project springs into my mind. And isn't that the beauty of life? The balance, even when you are in chaos?

Because the universe says this person is really bad at almost everything. Why are they on their fifth cup of coffee when they were complaining about heart palpitations? Their brakes are squeaking but they're buying tequila shots? How are you soooo lonely you want to scream but never leave your house?

So the universe steps in and forces balance on us despite our existential thoughts. Right when we are on the verge of completely giving up, we are sent into orbit, head spinning, dizzy from a high-pitched ringing, an orchestra of thoughts ready to provide our answer: our purpose is dressed in a costume with its hand outstretched.

And this is what I've been dealing with. Always in between being thrown out of orbit and finding my way back again. And this seems like a 20-something problem but I'm sure in my 30s it'll seem like a 30-something problem too. But wait. Is it really a problem? Losing something, just to find it again. What if it isn't? What if our purpose just likes to play hide-and-seek.

Maybe when we focus on it too much, it gets bored and wants to mix things up a little. So it grows a tail, four paws, and a cute pink nose and we name her Sandy. In another chapter of our lives, it turns into a bottle filled with herbs from the Earth to help us heal so we can help others heal. And in yet another chapter, it turns into a pen and paper, a vision and a message.

Our purpose is ever-changing but while it's changing, there are in-between times. These are times where everything feels wrong, the grass looks too tall, nothing is tidy enough, we really want spaghetti but all we can find is elbow pasta.

But isn't the best part not knowing? Sometimes diving in headfirst to a new dish without a recipe can be fun. It can end in something too spicy or too sweet, but we know for next time. And THAT is what I'm trying to say. There is always a next time. For the good and bad.

So you might be stuck with the thought that you somehow always end up with the leftovers of life. But remember, the Earth, the Universe, is in perfect balance. You'll get that full meal soon, and actually, chances are you've already gotten it, just in another form. Maybe that was the time you really wanted spaghetti but had to use elbow pasta? It was a full meal though, wasn't it?

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Souluminosity

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