Drugs to stop other Drugs

I grew up in South Mississippi, the view of psychedelics in my area have been taboo for as long as they have been in the public eye. My first experiences with psychedelics were effected by the perception I naturally had from growing up here. My first handful of trips were horrible at the time but taught me many character flaws that I was refusing to address or even aware of. I was no longer afraid to do soul searching and look into the way I treated my body, mind and the people around me. During this phase of my life I was doing high doses of MDMA as well as drinking absurd amounts of beer and vodka. I was pushing myself towards death and I could not have cared less. I smoked two packs a day, I used a can of dip a day, and washed it all down with Monster and Hot Pockets. I was not taking care of any aspect of my life. I worked hard and partied hard, it worked for about six months before my mind completely snapped. I was in psychosis for months. I was in and out of inpatient psych care and substance abuse rehab centers. I was mostly sober, except for the LSD I could sneak. So not sober at all, but it was slowly changing the way I viewed myself and the habits that I had stacked up that had nearly killed me. I kept this use a secret for as long as possible and I was never actually caught, somehow it helped me more than the therapy sessions and the classes. I have not done any of the hard drugs that I was involved with since 2016 because of this. It seems like it would not work and that I was just fucking off but it helped me heal from the damage that my abuse of speed, coke and ketamine had done. I finally moved home from San Diego to Mississippi and refused to go to any 12 Step meetings for a while. I eventually got depressed and lonely enough to go to a local meeting and I dove head first into the whole AA thing. It helped me very much and gave me the break from my own thoughts that I needed. I made it one year completely sober which I had not done since I was fourteen years old. Everybody was proud of me again and it felt good to be recongized for some positive change instead of wrecking my life and forcing people to help me. I lasted about six more months before I decided I wanted to eat shrooms again for the first time since 2016. So I ordred a grow kit and grew about 8 grams in my first try. At the time, I was not doing any drugs besides smoking Marlboro Smooths and taking CBD gummies to help with knee pain and for sleep. I had smoked since I was fourteen and I felt horrible pain in my chest from when I woke up until I went to sleep. I was still attending local meetings and keeping up appearences while growing mushrooms next to my bed. I felt like a total piece of shit, and I wish that I had owned up to it sooner but I wanted to change my state of mind more than I wanted to be truthful. I ate the shrooms after drying them out for a few days and it was off to the races. I did not really have a goal other than trying to stop smoking because I had saw an article about how it might work. So I lit up a square and tried to take a drag and almost threw up from the awful taste in my mouth. It felt as if I was trying to swallow bleach with my lungs. I threw it in my coffee can ash tray on my porch and went inside to lay on my bed. It took a while to get comfortable but once I did I closed my eyes and I saw visions of cancer growing in lungs and myself in a casket. I saw my friends and family looking down on me crying, I tried to open my eyes to make it go away but my room when I looked around was still a funeral proceeding. After a few minutes the visions subsided and I had a warm feeling in my stomach, it was pleasurable while also being extremely painful. When that pleasure/pain went away, I started thinking about how my past choices were going to be the death of me if I did not start taking care of myself. That trip started a few months of me trying to smoke weed and dabbling again with LSD. During these trips I was able to look from a different angle at why I needed to be high to be okay. It was never about what drug it was, anything was better than my own mind to me at the time. Since then, I have taken a few more trips and changed my relationship with booze. I am able to have a single beer and enjoy a football game without completely going off the rails. This has been going on for over two years, I can be inside my mind without smoking, without destroying my brain or my body with the many substances that almost killed me. I learned to be okay with being single and not be a codependent asshole. Now I am married with kids and have a peaceful self employed life. I found my groove. It took me twenty three years but I sure as hell am where I am supposed to be, with who I am suppossed to be with. I know myself and have learned to love me for me. I still have my bad days, some come in frequent waves but I am still here and Im okay. Magic shroomies and LSD helped me fix myself, it gave me a chance to really look at how I was fucking up and I am a far better human being because of these experiences. This isn't a promotion of doing drugs that can land you in prison, but if you are stuck in a rut and are very desperate for some positive changes, do some research and make your own choice.