by Michaela Weiss about a year ago in trauma



I stood by the water admiring the little ripples in it; even if there were a bunch of kids swimming in the small pool, it still looked beautiful. The noisiness made me feel so alive. I bent down and scooped up some water, splashing it in my face. It felt so nice in the blazing heat of the Arizona sun. I smiled, thinking how this is how it should always be, the cool water on my face in the warmth of the sun. It calmed me to think of this. As I was watching the water, I felt a kick in my back and I flew head first towards the water. I screamed. I felt as though no one could hear me. I couldn't swim. I shrieked in terror as my body smacked the water and I felt a painful sore in my body. The water no longer seemed so pretty as it did before. It was filled with grief and darkness. It was no longer blue and full of shimmer and sunshine, it was black and murky. I gasped for breath. The playful sound of children, the crashes of people splashing in the water, it was all gone. I closed my eyes knowing this could be the last of me, and let all that was before sink into my soul. I woke up in the hospital with my family surrounding me. They were all so worried about me and that made me stress. I took a deep breath and thought of the water to relieve myself, but I could no longer think of it the same way. For, it had pulled me into it's miserable arms and sank me. It drowned me.

Chapter 2

I lay awake in my bedroom after I was able to go home. I was in horror as I looked at the ocean themed room. I bit my lip and gulped. I tossed and turned trying to force myself to sleep, but it still haunted me. The way it looked, as though the whole world had been swallowed up by the waters and there was not a single hope of light within. I closed my eyes hoping to drift to sleep but the image came back to me, me floating lifelessly in the water. My parents, my sister Alice, and my brother Liam all sobbing over me. I tried so hard to hold back tears, I was on the verge of them. They came out like a rainstorm. I raced into Alice's room and slept there for the night. Even though it had no way of reminding me of water, I still couldn't sleep well.

Chapter 3

I woke up that morning, very cautiously coming down the stairs. I trudged down in my pajamas, making a thud every step. I was so out of it today, but it was the water who did this to me. I sat down in my seat at breakfast, and rubbed my groggy eyes. I was half asleep, and almost did not get any sleep last night. My face nearly landed in my waffles until I saw the glass of water. I nearly cried then. It looked clear like the water before I drowned, but it didn't feel the same. I looked as though I was a deer caught in headlights. I was so petrified. My heart was racing. The water that had drowned me changed me, it traumatized me. I heard my family say that it was going to be alright, but it wasn't. I felt like I was going to drown once again, even if I wasn't. I had the feeling of emptiness in my body once again, and no one would know.

Chapter 4

It was later that day I had to go to the beach. How would my family think I would react? I could barely even handle a glass of water... and now I have to try a whole ocean full of it? I sat on the sand, digging my nails into my hands, causing them to turn red. I played with the sand, I talked with my family, and listened to music, but I did not go near the water. I could only imagine its jaws opening, beckoning for more. Alice would beg me to just try to learn to swim, or at least touch the water. It felt like I was stabbed in my heart and the wound never fully healed to see my family so worked up about me. I couldn't bear it. I went in the water. It had me shaken up what I was doing. My sister taught me to swim. It all seemed complete again...

Read next: Never In the Cover of Night
Michaela Weiss

I am 14 and my sister and I wrote these stories. 

See all posts by Michaela Weiss