Dream Journal Entry One

My day starts as usual. I brush my teeth, fix myself a cup of sweet tea, get dressed and feed my cat. The walls in my apartment are more grey than usual. Is this a dream? Where are my keys? I scan around my small bedroom which has rearranged itself completely overnight. My bed is on the side where the TV usually is and my desk and PC are moved into the center of the room. I remember leaving my purse in the closet on one of the hangers. I never do this. My purse is usually on my desk. There is a violet glow emanating from the closet. It is larger than usual. I step inside. The walls start shrinking around me. Everything goes a hazy grey. Opening my eyes I am looking at myself. I am at work. There is a rush of customers. Still out of my body I move closer to the long island counter. Where are the registers?

I wander into the shop which is situated behind the store. The floors have been replaced with packed dirt. I glance down to see if my feet are sinking. My feet are invisible. Am I dead? I wander back out to the counter and lean on the counter. My body fazes through. I stumble through a customer who is mumbling in gibberish. I look up at their face or head? Their facial features are gone. No imprints for eye sockets, nose or a mouth. Just a smooth surface.

An eerie feeling washes over me. The room is filling with a grey fog. Out of fear I run out of the store into the parking lot. The parking lot is empty devoid of any signs of customers or pedestrians. Ahead of me is a flat textured scenery of a tree, grass and a sidewalk. I notice that the buildings are gone too. It feels weird because we are in the middle of a city. I slowly walk over to the tree. Stepping into the grass my feet get caught and I cannot move. Trying to struggle free I spot a dollar bill laying on the grass beside my right foot. My feet are back? I raise my hand to my face. I have my body back. Leaning over to pick up the bill my vision begins to tunnel out and I am taken back to the past.

I am sitting on the floor counting pennies from a large jar. The school book-fair is around the corner and mom said 'yes' for me to have two dollars. I sift through the pennies looking for a loonie or toonie. There are none, so I count out two hundred pennies. I twist the metal lid back onto the jar and slide it back onto the bottom shelf of the bookshelf. My vision tunnels again.

I am sitting on my bed in my apartment. My banking app open. I have no money again. The screen shows the word 'inflation' where my balance should be. I start feeling a dark aura surrounding me. Emanating from deep inside of me. I feel a panic attack starting. The world starts shaking around me in vibrant red streaks. I know I haven't been making as much money as I would like. I begin to panic more. My conscious screaming the words: suffocating, not enough, cost of living, get a second job, not hungry, alone, anger and fear. The words repeat faster and it is getting more and more difficult to breathe. I wake up.

It is currently three in the morning. I am shivering and crying. The emotional impact of that dream-mare was so powerful and vivid. I believe this one was caused by seeing an increase in price on everything. From food, beauty and hygienic products to everything else in the world. It also doesn't help that my bills recently have been pushing me into a negative balance from those increases.

What Dream-Mare means: I have been having vivid dreams since I was young. Some are nightmares and some are dreams. Then there are some that are blended. I call those Dream-Mares. A feeling of it starting out and sometimes playing like a dream until the vivid colors and emotions shape into a nightmare feel.