Do You Really Understand?

I want to keep it brief here, I have a request of all who do not struggle with any mental illness.

To begin, let's discuss the issue of true understanding. I hear it often, "I understand"... it's the go-to reply, when I mention my mental health struggles. Typically the "I understand" is followed up with "do you ever try..." Which, let's be completely real here, means they probably don't understand the way they think they do. It's not that most are mean or uncaring. It's just the lack of knowledge, and the stigma of mental illness in general.

Understanding mental health is complex. Every case is a bit different, different combinations of symptoms, and multiple cases, of more than one diagnosis. I have covered my own mental health struggles with CPTSD, Agoraphobia, Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder. I've openly discussed my issues, my traumas, my treatments, and more. Why? Because I want others to know they are not alone, not defined by traumas, and that it's okay, positive even, to share your story.

I use to believe I could play a part in ending the stigma. That if we all talked without censoring ourselves (within our comfort zone) that eventually others without these struggles would truly begin to understand.

But I've noticed many, without mental health struggles, still choose to do one of three things:

1. They immediately offer up advice to "cure" you.
2. They immediately tell you it's in your head and you are somewhat "playing into it."
3. They immediately shame you, and call you an "attention seeker" looking for excuses rather than "solutions."

I'm very certain there are many who empathize, and understand that they themselves do not and can not fully fathom the day to day battle of mental illness.

I am certain of it, because I myself have met those who admit freely that they don't understand that struggle, and show me support in my choices. My choice for my own treatment, they listen without judgment to my venting, and they do so without asking if I've tried hiking, yoga, herbal remedies, or some obscure ritual that is said to cure the illness.

Mental illness isn't a simple fix. The brain is powerful, and can destroy it's house (also known as us, our being, our soul whatever) piece by piece... bit by bit. From eating disorders to Schizoaffective disorder, from anxiety to OCD, there's just no simple one size fits all treatment.

It's extremely difficult to explain to some why being in a yoga class is not calming to you. Why your fear of leaving your home is not just born of laziness. Why you cannot make your jumbled thoughts clear to others, because you don't even understand it. Or why simply "not thinking about it" is futile.

It's not easy to tell others, especially those we care about, that we are having anxiety in a particular situation. That if we don't leave it will advance to a full blown panic attack. It's even harder to explain how a panic attack feels like you are literally dying. Despite logically knowing it's not death knocking, it's "just" a panic attack, it's not easy to cut it off. You're not in danger, your brain and body react to the threat that isn't there. But in that moment you cannot speak, you cannot breathe, you are taken over by the disease and it controls you now.

These are things some will never feel or know, and I'm happy they don't experience it. It's horrible. I'd never wish that hell on others.

But, call me insane if you will, I wish I knew how to make others understand more fully what the day to day life of a person with mental illness is actually like. At least the worst parts, where you can't even find the strength to take a shower. Unless you walk a mile, you cannot imagine it.

And there's just no way to walk in another's shoes. You can try to gain better understanding. However, unless you're willing to do the homework, Ask the questions, and listen openly, without judgement, or preconceived notions... there can be no true understanding of a humans pain and struggle.

So I get why some with mental illness choose silence yet still... I encourage you to speak, write, sing, or draw your struggle. Tell your story, loud, and without shame. I implore you to speak up, in whatever way you are comfortable doing so.

The more we put it out there, the more likely we are to see genuine understanding. The more likely we are to find support systems, and the more we help heal our own traumas.

To the One Who Doesn't Struggle with Mental Illness:

I ask that you try to put aside any ideas you may have obtained over the years. Maybe you were taught that mental health struggles are "weakness" or that people are just "too sensitive." It's understandable that you may battle those previous teachings.

I only ask you to put your ideas aside, and listen, see from a perspective that's different, and has first hand experience. I ask you to go into the conversation as open as humanly possible... you never know. Listening to another human being may be the saving grace for that individual... You may single handedly provide that human being the hope needed to face another day with their struggles.