Disturbing Frustration

by Maryna xx 3 months ago in coping


 Disturbing Frustration
Work Frustration

Every morning, she just opened her eyes and realized that a new day began, she was afraid. It’s a new day again … Go to work again, so as soon as you realize that a new day has come, you want to extend the night, lie in bed, shelter your head with a blanket and that this new day does not begin. No, she wants to work, she likes to do flowers, collect bouquets and gifts, invent new inscriptions for cozy blankets and multicolored mugs. Several times she was affected by the sickness.

And every time she scolded herself for it and promised to fix it, here comes tomorrow everything will be different and I will definitely wake up with my alarm, wear the favorite sweater and... And in the morning again a new day, but today she gets up, and dresses her favorite sweater. She 's sick, throwing in her sweat, her head spinning - she 's clearly not quite healthy. And if so, how do I go to work? If it 's scary, it 's not an excuse not to go to work, but if you 're sick, you certainly have to stay at home. What if I throw up right at the customer? In front of my colleagues, visitors, everyone will be laughing at me. She thought that no one gonna talk to her again, everyone will be talking about this case and she will never ever be able to leave the house again. Never. What if she gonna fall unconscious ? Right on a bus stop ? And no one 's gonna help her, everyone 's gonna think she 's drunk. And everybody will look and swing reproachfully their heads "oh, oh, oh, such a young woman, and she was already gathered since morning". Or everybody won't care, and she will fall, accidentally will roll into a groove and that 's where she will definitely be found not immediately. No, you definitely have to stay home today, but tomorrow will go to work, she promises herself. And it gets easier right away.

That's not good, but it 's better than leaving the house.

At home it is better until the boss calls and demands "after all, what kind of illness you have, bring a certificate, otherwise I will be forced to fire you. How many times you already called off sick in the morning?" She is aware that if it continues that way and the truth will come out he can fire her, so she creates even more problems for herself. Realizes that it 's kind of stupid, you have to go to work, that nothing terrible can happen to her there, that you just have to come to the store and it 's going to be okay . In the evening, she takes off her favorite sweater, packs a bag and goes to bed, "tomorrow I 'll definitely go... there 's nothing to fear about, nothing at all." And again morning, and everything repeats again, a cycle of thoughts, and nausea, and she stays home again.

No, everything was alright at work , colleagues didn’t bother her and even the boss was very loyal to her calls off sick.

And why is she always a little bit scared? Or disturbed? she liked her work now, girls, with whom she could discuss at lunch where to buy a new table lamp or a new recipe for apple pie. And her work was not just at the boring office, it’s a quiet secluded work with flowers, ribbons, boxes and beads.

That’s not like at school, where it was always unpredictable and noisy, and it had to be fun. But she was weightless and uncomfortable, anxious somehow.

It is so difficult to tell when and how it all began, when it became unbearable to wake up in the morning with the thought that it is necessary to go to work, rather than want to be dizzy and nausea. There was, of course, such at school, then the head will break, then the stomach. But “everything was fine”.

Sometimes there are thoughts that no one needs her work, everyone will only look at it silently and sympathetically if she forgets to pack in a marshmallow gift box or puts too many candy. Maybe they 'll laugh. And so she needs to be very attentive at work, although it 's the most common day, she 's collected these sets so many times that she can do it with her eyes closed. She checks the box, closes, ties the tape, she did everything right, as well as possible. She feels tired. Even thoughts can be exhausting. It happens that rolls nausea and chills, legs become cotton, head dizzy. "Something 's wrong with me." And such days became more and more. At first she could cope with such illness, but sometimes it was strongly impossible and a couple of times ran from work to the neighboring street, which was very difficult in such a condition, and from there called an ambulance. But the doctors said she was fine. It was only on the weekend that there was a lull, and then these days were filled with anxiety.

I have to go to work, she tells to herself before bedtime. 'I don 't want to lose my job, I don 't want to live on an allowance and move in with my parents as some losers do, I want to go to the cinema with my friends. Everything will be good". And she gets her favorite cosy sweater... A new day comes again in the morning, but she promised herself that she would definitely go today. Sweater, bag, takes a look in the mirror I am not healthy, again this nausea and dizziness, the legs become cotton and this weakness. It 's stupid to go to work like this. Soon vacation, and in the meantime I will try to take sick leave, and at home it is possible to pack gifts and invent inscriptions on multicolored mugs. Things will change, but somewhere deep down she knows that neither sick leave or leave will change anything. What 's the matter, she doesn't know yet. Anyway, she 's kind of okay? And she has no reason to ask for help.

But someday she realized that a help was necessary, it was even before it was necessary to return to work from vacation. Because she couldn't go to the store for food, ordered food to her house, but it was at that moment when she realized that she was no longer in control of everything that was happening to her.

What's going on after all? Is everything okay?

Okay, or it looks like an anxiety disorder. It can torment people for years, bringing mental unrest to suffering and making life so painful. Many people are afraid to leave their houses, go to work, to public places, go to remote distance from the house, meet friends. And if it lasts long enough, it inevitably carries changes and serious issues in life.

If you talk about it, can it help?

When it 's hard, conversations can really help. So there are psychologists and psychotherapists. Therapeutic conversations are different on the purposes and types, everything depends on who came to a doctor, what complaints, questions, inquiries, what kind of pain at it and a purpose

This time in the office of a therapist she told us about her life, the past, she needed to know what her anxiety was. What thoughts wake up this anxiety and how to change them, how to learn to leave the house, how not to be afraid of yourself and learn to trust yourself again. Except "homework" didn't really want to be performed, but if it is necessary, then it is necessary, she wanted to recover soon and do what she wants.

This approach is called cognitive-behavioral therapy and helps very well with anxiety and depression. Because there 's a little bit of understanding why it is not okay, but you need to know what to do and how to become a better person, learn to think and act differently.

There are no identical people, and so we all react differently to difficult situations in life. But whatever the difficulties, they can be combated and improved. Will a person who experiences such anxiety be able to fully recover and how long will it take to recover?Sure he will. There are meanings of combating this condition. And the rest depends on the willingness to accept assistance, the seriousness of the problem, and how long it has been before the assistance was provided. Sometimes it takes more time, sometimes it 's amazing how fast the recovery is. I think it depends on how much more willing help is to be received and how much more actively the applicant himself is included in the work. And the faster the recovery takes place. It happens that caution and hesitation remain, but after that there is an opportunity to do what you want and live the life that you want to live.

Maryna xx
Maryna xx
Read next: Never In the Cover of Night
Maryna xx

I do love writing stories and translating articles.

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